I’m in Chicago and the Midwest for a bit and am really wanting to do comedy all the dang time. Any shows that I could hop on I would absolutely love to do! They could be outside of Costco man I just got the comedy bug back real bad. Get in the DMs

Guy trying to hide that his girlfriend is absolutely A.I.

I am ready

I am ready

This is one the saddest things I’ve ever watched. But I hope they’re happy together.

Bada boom it’s da uncle who by the way he looks and talks you’d think is gonna have a wretched opinion about diversity in casting fantasy shows & movies but then bada bing flips it around and shows he gets it! America can’t get enough of this character!

Sorry but if you support ABC liking Kimmel off the air to appease dear leader you’re a bitch. Straight up no chaser weak minded lil baby bitch. I don’t make the rules.

Guy trying to hide that his girlfriend is absolutely A.I.

Gotta say I prefer full contact payment.

A mutant explaining his extremely sad useless power at the audition to join The X-Men

Generation vs Generation?!

Holy fucking shit my husband's rural hometown is going to be completely destroyed. He *hates* those motherfuckers but a complete economic collapse of the soybeans farmers of northern Ohio is gonna be devastating.

Some news: yesterday was my last at Rolling Stone. For now, I'm going solo, doing all my TV reviewing, recapping, etc., at my newsletter. I hope you'll consider subscribing. Many more details here:

I was also inspired to make bad choices by video games* *Ate a whole ham I found on the street to regain health after being punched in the face.

Legend

Sometimes I get asked if there is an equivalent to Roger Ebert today. I tell them yes, there is, but he's in television criticism, and his name is Alan Sepinwall.

A beautiful giant has left us. He was incredible and I loved him.

lotta big talk this week from people who couldn't pin a felony on the sandwich guy

I was also inspired to make bad choices by video games* *Ate a whole ham I found on the street to regain health after being punched in the face.

Big Kilmeade energy.

It’s so funny that Jay Leno now pops up sporadically to give his opinion on some big issues going on in the country as if people are out there like “I see what you’re all saying but I’m gonna wait to see what Jay thinks before I land on a point of view.”

“Can you imagine if thing that actually already happened happened?” “Yes cause it happened!” “It would be chaos!” “It wasn’t chaos” “People would be foaming at the mouth!” “They were and you didn’t care!” Rinse wash repeat over and fucking over again until the asteroid finally releases us.

Movie Cop talking so much about retirement you know he’s not making it to the end credits.

Random movie character who unlocks the key to the plot in the only scene he appears in.

Body not even in the ground before: - Crowder changes his twitter bio to brag about taking over Kirk's "#1 Conservative Daily Show" slot -Shapiro takes over TPUSA to help cover DailyWire's failure -Wife posts bizarre video using his ACTUAL CORPSE(???) to launch her influencer career Yeesh.

It’s easy to forget that you can simply privately murder someone and save us all the rigmarole. Helpful reminder in these modern times.

How about that.

CDC officially advising folks to “rub some dirt on it” to disinfect wounds. Always thought my old football coach was full of shit turns out he was basically a surgeon.

“Wild news to report: for the first time ever a straight white guy may be at fault. Just hard to believe folks.” - Fox News

Feels like all the terminally online people decided it was the perfect time to reveal themselves

The FBI using thoughts and prayers as an investigative technique is quite the turn of events.

Two podcasters find themselves in charge of the FBI would have absolutely slayed as an 80s sex comedy.

Ok so they think the left is all pussies and weak and that they’d smash them in a civil war but also they are violent and need to tone down rhetoric cause all they do is kill people they disagree with? Got it!

Make sweeping gun legislation. Call it the Charlie Kirk Gun safety and regulation act. I’m sure he would want it that way.

America is breaking news about a hardcore white supremacist being shot being interrupted by breaking news about a school shooting in progress.

When you publish a website that posts the names and photos of scholars who have written or said things you disagree with and encourage people to surveil and harass them, you are not, in fact, a “free speech” organization.

Koala RFK Jr. is pissed.

It’s really simple, folks: these people liked Kirk’s politics, and were excited about his bright future as a successful propagandist and ambassador of hate and misery. Just know they’d never spill a thimble of ink on an analogous figure from the left.

You can write this only if, by virtue of your income, identity, or both, you are utterly removed from the consequences of politics. To pretend that the racist, misogynistic, anti-gay vileness that Kirk spent his life spreading is secondary to the fact that he spread it "the right way" is appalling.

I guess Hell needed a podcaster

Without comment:

Rough day for Uncles who are no longer invited to family functions.

The rich grifters of the world are like “We are ALL in trouble now!” Like, welcome to the party pal, we been in trouble here for a long time, grab a drink and hold tight.

Everyone gets all high and mighty acting like they haven’t doodled a naked woman in a birthday card they sent to the most notorious human trafficker in American history with a subtle allusion to a shared history of assaulting underage girls. Must be nice in that ivory tower!

Advocating against empathy? The villains in this society are all but twirling their mustaches and tying people to railroad tracks

Doing jokes about my wife

Today marks one year since my debut comedy album “Husky Boy” was released. It’s my proudest professional accomplishment. It falls on the birthday of my friend Amy Daulton who passed away 10 years ago. That was not by accident. This will be an album and Amy thread in celebration

Sarcasm @nytpitchbot.bsky.social