More like stink tank I said MORE LIKE STINK TANK

The follow-up post is the best part.

Homer simpson has been fired from his job for saying "Change the channel Marge" at Frank Grimes' funeral

Goodnight from God's favorite mistake

Gradually approaching magnetic competence

I've tried to explain to canadians why americans make 9/11 jokes and the answer I came up with is we were never allowed to have any kind of real feeling about it. It was IMMEDIATELY packaged into a Megamoment that we must Always Remember while being used to take away out rights and start wars

in terms of words with disappointing definitions, dogmatic has got to be up there

eet feet

Unironically going to start making preparations for when it happens. Playlists etc

Saying "bow wow" is classic dog behavior, if you ask me

Paul Walter Hauser is so fuckin good in Naked Gun man, everybody nailed it but I always smiled every time he showed up. Effortless performance.

Remembering my first office job when this woman who sat near me was bragging about flirting with some guy in another department, and she showed me their messages: Her: do u have any toothdicks. I mean toothpicks haha Him: no

Bugs don't know we exist and that is honestly so fucked up

Opening an all-carb restaurant called Yamwiches

Pain is your body's way of saying "ouch!"

This one's from five years ago today

Up to his eyebrows in angel slizz no doubt. Rest in pussy, King

Shaquille o meal

Farting more like my mother with every passing year

It's always "hail Mary, full of grace" and never "how is Mary, full of grace"

I am beginning to fear that Hollywood is squandering precious Pedro Pascal reserves. The rate at which he is being cast is simply unsustainable and frankly alarming.

Nintendo Switch 2 the polls No you shut up fuck you

Tried listening to some of Gen Z popular music with my noise -cancelling headphones............ Nothing came out the damn speakers!!! 🤣🤣

My dream job is being a high school student that shows up for a test unprepared and naked

Hell yeah free paper

Nailed it (get it ha ha)

my new AI powered lamp is trained on millions of lamp interactions so it understands that 50% of chain pulls are to turn it on and the other 50% are to turn it off. and honestly, it's a little spooky how it knows exactly what i want almost half of the time

She guten on my Tag till wie geht's

This would have gone so hard as an AIM away message in 1999

Q. Will there be email at the party? A. Yes. There will be an email station at my birthday party.

It's not polite to brag but I have mastered code-switching for Canadian customers (asking for their credit card's "expiry date")

It's actually fine to touch the third rail. I do it all the time and I'm fine. If you touch the third rail and you die you're a pussy.

WHAT

There are multiple shots of (I assume famous) podcasters watching the golf tournament on screens and nodding. The Hot Ones guy is there. Post Malone shows up and says a couple wacky lines. This film is more than 2 hours long.

Happy Gilmore 2 is like if someone filled a bucket to the brim with "Adam Sandler movie" and immediately spilled it everywhere. He really looked around the room and cast this thing with whoever was hanging around his house. Told his kids to Venmo request Netflix for $200,000 each.

Oh your computer has ransomware? Then you better go catch it!!

ME WATCHING YOUTUBERS REACT TO MUSIC AND MOVIES THAT I LIKE: It's just as I suspected...I have perfect taste

You know prior to this year I didn't realize a weather forecast could just be the word "smoke"

Toilet stole my pee :(

I ripped a big fart in the exam room right before the vet came in, and I was worried she would think it was my cat, so I had to tell the vet that I ripped a big fart in the exam room right before she came in

Mermaid core

rightwing podcasters be like

People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.

"A new communication is waiting for you in your online insurance portal"

Among the greatest promotional photos of all time are these for the 1990 television movie of IT, where it looks like a prestige legal drama about a firm of hot young lawyers and one associate who likes to dress up like a clown.