Blessings to your timeline

Three Cheers for Buke Peene

Saw an Avatar ad that directed me to "see it on the biggest screen possible" but I got fined $50,000 the last time I projected a movie on your mom's ass

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is the best Xmas song not just because it's good but it also sounds like something a mom would say as she throws the whole fucking ham in the garbage while having a nervous breakdown

William H Macy is a Christmas movie

People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.

AI guys "Why would you watch Mr Bean when a computer can just tell you he gets his head stuck in a turkey? Prepare to get left behind, luddites"

YouTube keeps asking if I want AI summaries of things like comedy sketches and music videos and I'm like, thank God finally I don't have to enjoy things

The four wise men gave Jesus gold, frankincense, myrrh and nickel but Jesus gave the nickelback and that guy never made it as a wise man

I want a Back to the Future 1.5 where George views Lorraine with increasing suspicion and heartache as his son grows to look exactly like that guy she told him not to worry about

What a good joke

I can't even go for my daily lake-hover without the paparazzi recording me

el instagram de herzog es una de las mejores cosas que me pasó en este último tiempo.

insanely good thing to say when you enter a room

Took an edible and turned up the @baybayfriend.bsky.social dial. Following her has changed me neurologically and I recommend it to everyone (talk to your doctor first if you have epilepsy)

Screenshot this picture because it looked like something @baybayfriend.bsky.social would make

did it in four words hemmingway

No AI videos I've seen offend and upset me as much as fake funny animal videos. Real animals are infinite entertainment machines placed on Earth by God to make us smile, and you're wasting resources on this? Point a camera at a dog and throw a ball. It could not be any simpler you fucking ding dongs

Elizabeefin'

A khristmis classic

To the Joker, this is just a regular car

Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes

Trump-kun entering his chibi era

There is a fifth wave of ska, beyond that which is known to rude boys

It's so funny when someone writes a song to try to get someone to have sex with them. That's what a bird would do!

GERD is the word

The prophecy is fulfilled

Please rise for the National Anthem

Everybody at the airport always flips the fuck out about my "I have a bomb" neck tattoo even though I have a doctor's note

thinking about him again

It feels like it should be easier to find Stargate Glory Hole* porn *the Stargate is the glory hole

Doctor, shaking his head grimly while taking off his stethoscope: "It's just as I feared. Lub-dub."

Drain the Wok Johnson

Getting nasty with a Danish mummy, straight up boggystyle

My favorite berry? It's gotta be very.

AI cannot and will not replace human art

I wish I could invest in cortisol because that shit is going nowhere but up up up

Do you want to view ✖️ Men ✖️ Women ✖️ Couples ✅ Tom Bombadil tomdabomb: hey guys tomdabomb: almost at goal Hornystud: boots LuvrBoi: show boots irl12inch: yellow boots NOW tomdabomb: ok singing goal reached tomdabomb: this one is called "the river-daughter" Hornystud: NO irl12inch: NO MisterCocks: NO

Hershey's Special Dork

Can you imagine having editors that hate you this much

What a great joke

😵

If you own a cat long enough you might be blessed to witness a live action Tom and Jerry cartoon starring your idiot cat getting his ass handed to him by a mouse that's been training its whole life for this

I think it's really nice that Mario, Bowser, et al can take a break from trying to kill each other to play a friendly game of tennis or golf

FUCKIN EXACTLY

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard