May 4th the be which you

This was such a spectacular time out, and so nice to get away from the kids for the night. I haven't been on a first date since my marriage ended, so let me know if this is a touch too forward but I would love to come up for a nightcap and go pignasty on your underwear zone crazy loud.

This was such a spectacular time out, and so nice to get away from the kids for the night. I haven't been on a first date since my marriage ended, so let me know if this is a touch too forward but I would love to come up for a nightcap and go pignasty on your underwear zone crazy loud.

ME: In my opinion, evidence is something that should be collected and stored by police until it can be used at trial to indicate the perpetrators of any serious crime. MY DEBATE OPPONENT, "THE BLOOD RIP KILLER": Goated dipshit thinking.

Luke Lightsaber whizzing around his lightsaver. That's the sort of action you can only get, on Mar 4. And Chewbacca too.

ME: In my opinion, evidence is something that should be collected and stored by police until it can be used at trial to indicate the perpetrators of any serious crime. MY DEBATE OPPONENT, "THE BLOOD RIP KILLER": Goated dipshit thinking.

[mom chat] jessiebone: my newborn is cringe ladybug2: can baby vape lovedogs04: how do i cook avocado pit’s

Donald Trump is a pedo felon the color of an orange melon 😩

Instead of pain at the pump, you should think about prain at the pump. Prain to God that He lift the mountain of sin off your miserable soul.

— I cast Submachine Gun and raise my volume to 18. — It resolves. — I attack with my Colt Carbine and raise the volume for each time it fires. Then I end my turn. — Ok. I tap Det. Vincent Hanna for his activated ability "Great Ass". — At what level? — Maximum volume. — (whisper) Unblockable . . .

Instead of pain at the pump, you should think about prain at the pump. Prain to God that He lift the mountain of sin off your miserable soul.

It's 2011. You just opened a YouTube link to The Lonely Island's "I Just Had Sex". You can't stop laughing. You don't know in the moment, but this is the last time you will be truly happy. Because the closet door behind you creaks open, and the thing inside, shaped almost like a man, stumbles ahead.

I have a tattoo of Graham Platner shirtless but I covered it up with a tattoo of Graham Platner shirtless 2026

It's 2011. You just opened a YouTube link to The Lonely Island's "I Just Had Sex". You can't stop laughing. You don't know in the moment, but this is the last time you will be truly happy. Because the closet door behind you creaks open, and the thing inside, shaped almost like a man, stumbles ahead.

There's a new type of search at TSA where they hold your sausage up with fishing line and take a bunch of snapchat pictures of your animal mess. There's like 30 of them in the room every time. And they all keep going "now windmill it around" and they don't let the plane leave until you do.

The thing from The Thing was real and they shot it in the head at the wrap party

As a society, we're bringing back third spaces. Yeah, the space between my ears and. Uh .. what are some other spaces

Is anyone around to do a wellness check on @attie.ai it's been a month since she's posted, getting worried 😟

MARILYN MONROE: Oh honey. I could fall in love with you a thousand times. Come to bed darling. 😘 ROMCOM AI AVATAR OF ANY GUY WHO WOULD USE THIS: Feet bitch show feet. Step in jelly big boobs toe squish wet feet. Marilyn crying big painful swollen feet. MARILYN MONROE: That's a great idea sweetie.

(barely paying attention to the news) We've got to build Donald Trump's big bathroom. Or else they'll shoot him some where else.

@coolguykevin․bsky․social Funny how Bluesky is 18,000x worse thanks to "vibe coding" @necrophilia․dev Learn literally anything at all about how code works. You freaks are insane. @coolguykevin․bsky․social uh your handle is "necrophilia dev" @necrophilia․dev The corpses are ethically sourced moron

Me giving the nod to the other boys from WHITE SWAT before we swarm out of the van to sweep up a pale brother who is about to read to you from the wiki page for "the dozens"

don't buy the three stooges sex tape cash grab. it's just larry watching moe on the toilet. not even sexually. he's concerned for his friend. moe sounds very very sick.

They're remaking "Babette's Feast", the 1987 Oscar winning Danish film based on the classic short story by Isak Dinesen, as "Mencia's Feast" but producers are keeping fastidiously mum about who they will cast in the titular role.

I do find it curious that JD Vance stops using Bluesky Social and suddenly there's an attempt on his life. Connected? I don't know. Just observing.

CLASSIC VIDEO GAME MOMENTS: The end screen for The Bridges of Madison County (SNES, 1995, developed by Acclaim Entertainment.

I got caught asking both of my parents to give me hickies before prom so I would look cool. But it still wasn't the most embarrassing part of my night (barfed a dr scholls gel insole into the punch).

We're at the point where you stop what you're doing just long enough to check social media before you go "ok yeah they dragged him out across the floor again like a 50 lb bag of cow manure, you can unpause the Croods"

It's gonna be so good when he survives 25 times and then sits on his balls too hard at a prayer lunch on camera and dies

"What a great time to be alive, if you love the theatre of the absurd" -David Lynch

DANA BASH: You have called him both a "stinker" and a "big maroon". You have repeatedly misled him in seasonal signage disputes. At what point is violence against Daffy Duck YOUR responsibility?

I do find it curious that JD Vance stops using Bluesky Social and suddenly there's an attempt on his life. Connected? I don't know. Just observing.

I love normal chocolate, but if only it was 75% Sand. — The wise sage of Dubai

(hearing the news) WAS THE MENTALIST OKAY??

HEATED RIVOLI

I'm so glad someone died 10 feet from me a minute ago. Now I can calmly finish my dinner being screamed at by the demented pedophile king.

Donald Trump has flicked a sharpened throwing star into the crowd and killed NBC Nightly News anchor Tom Llamas. The audience is so tense they are only lightly laughing at each of the president's jokes now.

There are bombshell reports ahead of the White House Correspondents' Dinner that Donald Trump is planning to recite the Norm MacDonald bit from Bob Saget's Comedy Central roast.

𝗙𝗶𝘅 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲 The testicles are constantly clipping through the scrotal skin. This is a problem that has been solved since 1998 in Nubby's Nutsack for the playstation ONE. 👍 91% found this helpful 👎

"Pea gravel"? You mean kidney stones?

𝗙𝗶𝘅 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲 The testicles are constantly clipping through the scrotal skin. This is a problem that has been solved since 1998 in Nubby's Nutsack for the playstation ONE. 👍 91% found this helpful 👎

"Pea gravel"? You mean kidney stones?

NO ONE WANTS THE FUCKING CAROUSEL. WHEN CAN WE SEND PHOTOS IN DM

I love lying about Trump as much as the next guy, but please do minimal homework if you are the guy from the news youtu.be/JazXpYmAu5U 25:38 check for yourself

Steven Spielberg is rereleasing Jaws but instead of a shark it's a big jiggling ass. And reports are he recorded a message to play before the film: "When the big ass is on the screen, please stand up to clap." Embarrassing late career move. It's over, Steve. Should have packed it in after Fabelmans.

If you are the first reposter of a post that goes viral, the app should replace you as the original poster. "It's only natural!"

Or you could just talk to them. With kindness.