My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.

Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.

The final teaser trailer for Avengers: Doomsday has premiered in front of screenings of Marty Supreme and features Ant-Man and the Wasp flying up Timothee Chalamet's naked ass.

Everyone screamed when the coffin rolled over and spilled out the corpse at the funeral of Crazy Frog, but I won't lie... I was incredibly comforted to be able to see his penis one last time.

My slogan t-shirt that says "You Ever Been Dicked By A Man With A Permanently Wet Face?" is missing. Please help me find it, this is a one of a kind collectors item. It was a Christmas present to myself.

waking up and doing it all again tomorrow

congrats to everyone who had "day one elon musk child porn scandal" on their 2026 bingo free space. which is, i feel safe to assume, everyone.

My only real new years project was starting a novelty account on here called "The Burping Farter" and it didn't even last 3 hours before being banned. So thank you, Bluesky moderation. 2026 already starting off with Fascism.

It's going to be a great year for defending democracy. Let's go!

On Jan 1, 2026, "girly pop" is set to enter the straight white male public domain. SWMPD is a legal designation indicating any minority- or youth-originated slang you've first heard within the last calendar year is able to be used sarcastically by all demographics and no longer carries any meaning.

2026. Brother versus brother. Blood runs in the streets. Though the real conflicts are fought not on the battlefield, but in the salon. This is just the beginning... of Perm War I.

On Jan 1, this account is renaming to "My Lovely World" and I will only be posting pictures of my face smiling. To brighten the beautiful world.

I just finalized a plan to get as many free hugs from strangers as I please, and all it will take is a "T"-shirt of quite calculated design...

It was a blockbuster year for my friend Dan and I wish him all success for the future. Check out The Outfit on your day off tomorrow. It was not so good a year for me. The #1 highlight was when a restaurant served me dog biscuits in a dirty dog bowl as an insult and they smelled so good I ate them.

If you start Napoleon Dynamite now, you will have several hours after the end credits to enjoy time spent with family and friends reflecting on a year of life, love, and perseverance through adversity before the ball drops. The film is rated PG for thematic elements and language.

It's going to take me a while to get used to "2026". I'm still writing "For: the assassination of Shinzo Abe" on all my checks.

Preview: I will be replying to every post I see in 2026, whether I follow you or not, with "And you're telling me this ... why?!?"

Elon Musk has killed himself.

My only new years resolution is to start wearing a long cool dangly feather earring on one side only. Well I guess that and to win back custody of my estranged son. But that's planned to be largely by proving to the family court judge how much I've leveled up my feather jewelry game.

For me, 2025 will always be the year I was on a whisky distillery tour in the Inner Hebrides and put my hand in my pocket and found a balled-up straw wrapper and started playing with it and was like “wait, when did I last use a straw?” and then the straw wrapper stung me because it was a large bee

These might be the most important youtube captions in history

Bluesky is fine and there are finally plenty of idiots here, but nothing will ever top when they were all in one place on Twitter using social media for the first time and I could scroll through hundreds of posts saying "I got that smooth mcjagger"

I just finalized a plan to get as many free hugs from strangers as I please, and all it will take is a "T"-shirt of quite calculated design...

It's going to take me a while to get used to "2026". I'm still writing "For: the assassination of Shinzo Abe" on all my checks.

Men's naked asscheeks and strings they can fit in Nylons and fishnets and butts that ain't quittin Bulging fat packages bunched up and long These are a few of my favorite thongs

5:31 PM My new years resolution is to stop having every 2nd post be that Donald Trump or Elon Musk died. It's so old… 12:00:01 AM Trump and Musk tied their penises together in a bow and got rubberband snapped pulling away. Their noggins crashed together and flew off their necks. The men have died.

lol bye bitch

TEX AVERY: (hitting self in head over and over with hammer for getting an erection) Oh! What a great idea for a children's cartoon.

On Jan 1, this account is renaming to "My Lovely World" and I will only be posting pictures of my face smiling. To brighten the beautiful world.

TEX AVERY: (hitting self in head over and over with hammer for getting an erection) Oh! What a great idea for a children's cartoon.

My only new years resolution is to start wearing a long cool dangly feather earring on one side only. Well I guess that and to win back custody of my estranged son. But that's planned to be largely by proving to the family court judge how much I've leveled up my feather jewelry game.

I'm not here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and walk at the same time and make friends and be all out of bubblegum, and I'm all out of ass and friends and bubblegum

she pulled it off last minute and beat lurch against all odds

Ok, I'm locked in.

Death should not be allowed to touch the funny. Imo. Do not own me in the replies.

Donald Trump almost made it to 2026 but he has died (ants)

Saying Marty Supreme like Marty Scorsese and the ticket lady opened her purse to show me she was armed

"its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do" is one of my all time favorite tweets, but as a public service I share this tumblr collection of the entire 26-tweet reply chain it was part of (courtesy of haywire4) www.tumblr.com/haywire4/173...

They need to bring back silent films, so i can make phone calls in the theater without any background noise

After 15 years of marriage, I have never once seen my wife's anus (skin condition) and she has never once seen my hairline (propellor beanie)

Ok, I'm locked in.

You absolutely do not have to hand it to him — bystander to EMT giving me epipen

After 15 years of marriage, I have never once seen my wife's anus (skin condition) and she has never once seen my hairline (propellor beanie)

The reviews are in.

I wrote a script called MICHAEL CLAYTON: THE URINAL YEARS. It is about Michael Clayton uncovering a scandal at a urinal company that will do anything to keep its urinal secrets safe. I have never seen the original film or passed third grade. I don't even know most of the letters on a computer.

PSA: Stop feeding thumb tacks to pregnant women. It can travel inside them into the baby.

I wrote a script called MICHAEL CLAYTON: THE URINAL YEARS. It is about Michael Clayton uncovering a scandal at a urinal company that will do anything to keep its urinal secrets safe. I have never seen the original film or passed third grade. I don't even know most of the letters on a computer.