Seán says when they rebuilt his hand they turned him into a chopstick using genius

Please don’t fart in the store

Gear Hub fixed my bike and now it’s fun bike to ride again instead of a Punishment Machine

Forgot that water bottles are flimsier now and put one between my thighs so I could open it while driving to Maine. My whole situation is soaked and this happened south of Boston

Getting my daughter a Bane shirt to go with these

he's not reading a magazine called "power pig," but he is reading the kind of magazine that advertises something called "power pig" on the back cover

Oh so my dad’s boy scout uniform from 1960 doesn’t fit just because I “have breasts” and am “not a child”??? this is illegal

Welcome to my diary

Got this dress that is kind of too small but maybe in a good way?

Mavis Beacon Teaches You a Lesson From the Top Rope.

if you're in the southern NH area, come check out the Luna Moth Zine Fest today! I'll be volunteering for parts of it, so if you've been looking to kill me for my bad posts, you simply couldn't ask for a better opportunity

the video is too long for bluesky or else I would post it here

WHY is my child so cute?

The two best songs ever made are Low and Get Low

Four years in the making, my grand plan is realized at last: you can now technically eat a complete breakfast with the covers of my horror novels.

That’s my friend Michelle! She’s famous!

It’s the big Pikachu stuffy’s birthday today, everybody

I saw this strawberry purse with a baby purse and sent a picture to Jonathan

I bit the inside of my mouth

classic fashion - home of The Shirt (tm)

anybody in the LA area need a couple of absolutely gorgeous cats named, seriously, Kit and Caboodle?

Going to mardens

Simon has left the band and whats worse Alvin said our band is called Alvin and the Chipmunk now. like im just a thing

the fonz, like kate sullivan-jones, has a posse

Me on my lunch break

Members of congress could not last one day at any job with customers. “People are being rude to me on the telephone” oh my god

guy entering porta potty in the park asked guy leaving how it was in there and he was like, not great. so the guy was like, wait, should i not go in? and the other guy was like no no its not that bad. but the guy was like, im not going. so the other guy had to be like, no, please, you have to go in

patsy the whale mini golf, west main, hyannis port, massachusetts, [between 1972 and 2008]

“I got a hair across my ass because my boyfriend just broke up with me because of you!” -neighbor getting mad at my other neighbor

Accidentally called the bike shop instead of susan collins. Portland Gear Hub actually answers the phone, unlike SOME people

I just thought it was pretty!

Not enough people are wearing miniskirts. I can’t carry this whole town

MY OTHER CAR IS A WEIRD CANADIAN BICYCLE FROM THE 20th CENTURY

I hate the crumbs!

you shouldn’t learn about bands from shady TikTok manipulation, you should learn about bands by hanging out with a girl you like but are also extremely afraid of

Couple commissions going out today! Order your custom handmade wallet today at boiledowlleathergoods.com You can fully customize your leather and thread options to get a wallet that's specific to you!

“Those dogs are so annoying!” -my seven-year-old, talking about the yappy guys next door and turning into her father

On hold with a pharmacy and their hold situation is an automated lady who tells you you’re so valid for not wanting to be on hold for so long and then hangs up on you

I want a little treat

It is extremely tidy to have all the sizes of Gum Parker shirts plus also the pink one

Come to the show tonight if you wanna meet my dad

Going to a weenie roast

what else u got goin on ?(rhetorical)

I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch I’m a bitch and I’m a bitch Yes I am a total bitch

Where do you all live?

tonight!

I’m in the alley if you’re looking for me