8-year-old looking at my warhammer guys: "are any of them good guys?" me: (silently gauging if there's a way to explain the Tau perspective of soft-power expansion that attempts to embrace pluralism but only insofar as it doesnt conflict with the ideological dictate of Ethereal imperialism) "uh. no"

made my wife a birthday dinner of roasted dark-meat duck with sous-vided breast (plus roasted potatoes, asparagus, and storebought ravioli)

CHOTINER: You've often said you think you would be able to "lock down" Jucika and get her to marry you.

people love to cite that experiment where you could either sit with your thoughts or give yourself a painful electric shock as evidence that people dont want to be alone with their thoughts. stupid. the correct conclusion is that giving yourself painful electric shocks is a blast

Artists, quote with something silly

went to a political book club meeting at my church and i was the only person there under 60. pretty easy way to feel not so old. way easier than that millionaire freakshow who steals his son's blood

ASS, GAS, OR GRASS INCLUDED WITH MEAL TO SUBSTITUTE SWEET POTATO FRIES, $1 EXTRA

"yeah he's a war criminal but he came to my show that one time" is an all-time Chotiner-interview great www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a...

my new book is OUT TODAY! it’s been described as "the writer at her best: mystified, curious, pathetic, absurd" — you can buy it here

going on a social media deep dive with a spreadsheet of my exes on Wednesday to figure out which ones got raptured and getting unseemingly smug about the result either way

New York City speaking as one the day after rapture: “was it rent controlled?”

Me checking on my hot guitar picks

oops i forgot to keep updating but i finished this piece!!!!!

we have like 5 or 6 So Youre A Leftist With Children type books given to us by well-meaning friends, and every one has the Joy Level of sitting down to study Robert's Rules Of Order

if you really want to stick it to Disney, and other corporate media giants, become fascinated by things they would never produce, so that they might fade into the background noise of life.

It strikes me that quite a lot of people knew for the last year that the guy running our horrific deportation squads took a bag with $50k in cash from undercover FBI agents investigating corruption, and it didn’t get out until now.

i told the kids that they'd have a relative babysitting them tonight because I'm taking Mama on a date, and the six-year-old said "a date? but youre already married"

i love when low-level pundits do once-a-month handwringing about the possible long-term prospects of bluesky. every time i pull on my socks i write a paragraph about what i believe the Dickies corporation is doing wrong and whether they're capturing enough market share

happened again this morning. Manchester's civic center arena wasn't built when i was a kid so this never used to happen. so i suppose More Anime Elves Downtown is a way the city is getting better

i got a new phone and it gives pictographic suggestions for how to respond when my wife wakes up before the kids and is sexily letting me know i should come back to bed

this is how i pinpoint the criminalsimpsons guy as being the exact same age as me

quick Silksong update: it turns out it's a video game

good morning, Saturday morning. let's start this weekend right. it is my contention that David Foster Wallace's "Madame Psychosis" is a ripoff of Forever Knight's"Nightcrawler." this would make Hal the Nick Knight, with Mario and Orin being the Natalie and Schanke, respectively

4-year-old: "he gone to da thrift store and buyed a new hat"

could be a few different things but i tell you what right now: you better fuckin believe he's drumming his index fingers on the 10/2 positions of the steering wheel

I've gotten a lot of helpful perspective on current events by reading TheMoralClarityDisliker on substack

for one year in high school, i was in a science class with the son of the science teacher. generally wasn't a big deal, but one day he didnt do his science homework and his dad was like "you didn't do it?" and someone from the back of the class shouted "NO DINNER TONIGHT, KEVIN"

last night i dreamed i was at a party at John Waters's place, and in a hazy half-awake state, i couldn't remember if the dream was a memory and i actually know John Waters IRL. i been alive for decades, it's plausible enough

we watched Sinners last night, which, it turns out, my wife hadn't heard was about vampires. I told the kids yesterday that Mama and I were planning to watch a vampire movie for grown-ups, which meant that there was about 12 hours where my 4-year-olds knew more about the plot of Sinners than my wife

(quietly) i actually like chaff

at the Subculture Reveal Party and the parents are about to cut the cake .. annnd... it's full of .. trumpets. fuck. fuck! the baby is Ska

Iran-Contra happened when i was a kid and it's wild how much easier today's corruption is to explain to my kids. "You know Disney? the company that makes all your princess movies? yeah a guy made fun of the president so the president freaked out like a mad monkey and made Disney fire him"

holy shit in 2025 it's $240 for a mezzanine ticket to see them cite the deep magic to me

While I got my knuckles rapped by corporate America for being rude and tasteless about a guy who dreamed of the stoning of me and everyone I love, Fox's Brian Kilmeade advocated explicitly for the state murder of all homeless people -- on live TV, no less -- to virtually no response.

if you read one thing today, make it this absolutely devastating piece from a fact-checker who quit the New Yorker bidoun.org/articles/hou...

i found a red faux-leather jacket in size 4t for 5 bucks at the thrift store, so i decorated it for my 4-year-old

in my last week of doing a Dry Month and i dreamed i was at a bar and miffed that i couldnt find anything non-alcoholic. which is pretty much my main experience with sobriety: Fine, Whatever, But Grudging Mild Irritation

I'm not much of a photographer but I like doing long exposure stuff at night. Basically the whole reason I got into this

me: ah my love! i have returned from the crime i successfully carried out! roommate: ah! tell me the exact method by which it was done! me: surely i will, my love. but first, let me restate the meme i used. we may see this on Fox And Friends! roommate: anything else? me: the song "Kill The Boe

Viewers of this Simpsons season might notice something new: America's funniest family are pale, sick, and dying.

my 8-year-old wiped out on her scooter, so after applying bandaids to the blood, i brought out the Big Calming Guns: showing her the MIA Paper Planes video for the first time. unfortunately this has resulted in the 6-year-old becoming jealous and asking to see a video for Los Campesinos

New Tyler Robinson posts leaked to me tell a very different story than you've heard before: www.kenklippenstein.com/p/exclusive-...

the zoo has one of those mildly-threatening anti-shoplifting signs by the otter enclosure. in case someone tries to steal an otter

new to me video that rips

Any time i mix 3+ kinds of leftovers together and pour it over rice

we have a chest freezer, so we've got enough room to hold multiple flavors of ice cream. it's slower getting through em, but it's not like they go bad in there. so we've got six flavors. why not. ice cream fuckin rocks. i feel like this is how a dude accidentally opens an ice cream parlor

a guy at the show last night was making small talk and said "you're here solo.. you cougaring?" which confused me because of course i like cougars like we all do, but i think he was implying i would be the cougar because i am of that age. the cougar has become the cougèd

"Boston" is a corrupted form of "Bod's Town", named for its founder, Nathaniel Bod, who in 1703 invented Yelling At People

just wrote a bitchy email to my kid's principal about the teacher using ChatGPT instead of teaching and now im walking around like im in the third act of a truck commercial when they stop talking and turn up the rock song thats been playing in the background