appointment at 1 pm so I have to get in place and sit perfectly still for the next 45 minutes

Grogu burst in the microwave.

weird twitter era army guy name

maybe they don’t work for everyone but if you are middle aged and still drink now and then, zbiotics are the greatest invention of the last 3000 years

liatp (laughing irl at the post) <- just invented this. feel free to use it

I have read the second page maybe twelve separate times today and every time I still laugh irl

“Concerning”; World’s Most Humanlike AI Program Kills Itself Attempting to Generate a 10 Quadrillion Pixel Image of A Hamburger For Seemingly No Reason

heard a guy say "you have to access it through the portal" and i was momentarily struck by how sad it is that what he said is so boring :( "accessing it via the portal" should be wonderful. we deserve that at least. it should be cool to access it via the portal and instead it sucks shit

@reba.bsky.social how is this not part of your extended circa-2018-era bit

I have tried unsuccessfully for years to teach the children the game “I kick the ball to you, then you kick it to me, and repeat.” But they are compelled by some terrible force to add hundreds of rules to the game that make them both hate it

what the hell did I just read

Social Media in 2035

newish looking pet carrier dumped next to trash bin one block from the vet is v cursed Monday morning omen

My colleague Aaron Parsley just won a Pulitzer for this story, written days after he survived the July 4 floods that killed his nephew. It's one of the most gutwrenching and memorable things you'll ever read. Please do.

CASE DISMISSED

just invented wipes you can flush but only if you really feel like it

Welcome to our gastropub. We don’t have Heinz here; we make our own ketchup. It has little lumps in it and everyone hates it a lot

gastropubs should have the menu option “two bites of someone else’s cheeseburger”

looking back, AOL had it right. 30 hours of internet per month was the right amount.

lol

Mark Leyner, “Car Trouble”

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS TO SHARE EXCEPT EUROPA - DON'T LAND THERE! BURMA SHAVE

Some timeline stuff: — We expect to get InfoWars.com after the judge clears it in a couple of weeks. — We'll build a world of characters on the site and across social media. Tim Heidecker is in charge, and we have grand designs. — Visit theonion.info, buy a subscription, help us dominate the world.

therapist never saw The Terminator

the huge pants have to go. enough!

I’m sorry but the rest of your life is going to be spent finding out about some new weird annoying guy, and then finding out he died

What a legend, the follower count micro bit is so good

I'm partial to his PhD defense at the University of Colorado for his thesis on Japanese horniness for foxgirls predating their written language.

still very funny in person but I fucking suck at posting now idgi

reading a 2003 sf anthology and the stories of corporate tech dystopia are a million times better than current reality

SIRAT was a very compelling film in that it accurately depicts how generous of spirit and goodhearted your Euro crusty raver types can be and also accurately depicts how they are the most fucking annoying people in the universe

@eliyudin.com lol I know EXACTLY what beard trimming video you’re talking about in the most recent what a time

Steve: did u guys get a good pic of me Dave: ya dont worry Steve: which pic did u use Mark: dont worry about it

Every time I find jeans or a shirt that I love, I go to order more a month later only to find they discontinued them, burned the stock, and executed the designer

realizing I left the stopwatch app running on my phone for three days and feeling weirdly guilty

What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss? Anton Chigurh here for FanDuel,

“Mr. Beast Salesforce ad” - they’re calling it the least appealing phrase ever assembled in any language. They finally did it

this is so funny because it's like, oh my god, what an awful question for a news show. and then wham the answer is so much worse somehow

This entire administration exists solely to kill and torture brown and black people and to protect and promote the Epstein Class. That's the entire job of this Federal government. Why should we fund this

When Republicans do it / When Democrats do it

ten minutes into first watching of Green Room and I love this scrappy little punk crew. Hope their gig goes ok

I once told my mom we were going to a Jamaican restaurant here in town. she goes, "maybe the bobsled team will be there! haha!" and I rolled my eyes at her, don't say that mom, etc Anyway that olympics' jamaican bobsled team was literally there, at the restaurant. doing an event. they were nice

An explosive sex scandal has rocked the “trad” online right. I break it all down in my latest False Flag newsletter for @thebulwark.com. www.thebulwark.com/p/shocking-s...

good morning, never die on this hill

What we loved about Dan McQuade:

👀 Apparently, Ross Douthat invited Seth Harp to debate him on Douthat's "Interesting Times" NYT podcast. Harp says that the episode was recorded, Douthat got crushed, and RD/NYT decided not to publish it. What? x.com/sethharpesq/...