What the fuck is going on in the city with traffic today. Trains are dogwater, traffic is fucked, why did it take 40 minutes to get to the bridge into Manhattan from Ridgewood

stremndtch

(a new object is placed in my enclosure) damn new object just dropped (I glance disparagingly over at yesterday's object) lol y'all still thinking about this huh

My new comedy move is pointing to any of my lesbian friends’ tattoos and going “Nice labrys. Bet you didn’t think I’d recognize it” in a dead-on Jennifer Tilly

He really showed ‘is arse n’ all!!

Are we thinking bare neck/décolletage or should I find a necklace

*muttering under my breath* must be nice

stremndtch

Great sign that the Scary Movie trailer kicks off with a they/them pronouns joke

Can we get a “Stelly you’ll look so good in your dress at the wedding you’re officiating today and everyone will think you’re cute and funny and charming and attractive” in the chat

Michaela Watkins, I always love to see you

Literally as I’m reading this comic

So I’d never seen Spencer Pratt and I assumed he’d be much better looking

Oh ok carry on then mate

Brutal Cartoon Mouse Runback

MINA THE HOLLOWER: Enjoy our spooky little cartoon mouse tale 👻🐭 ME: Heehee how charming MINA THE HOLLOWER: Here is your first boss fight ME: OH CHRIST

*DOOM E1M1 PLAYING*

@weeder.bsky.social good likeness

MELAGRIUS THE RED: A piece of Nefariax's soul yet remains. GOLDHART: And so the realm bleeds... BLACK KNIFE JACK: We must destroy it! Eh, Stella? ME, ZONED OUT THINKING ABOUT TITS: Hm? BLACK KNIFE JACK: Nefariax's phylactery? We'll end it? ME: Oh. Oh! No yeah he shouldn't be doing that to his wife

*conflates you making you a different and discrete concept*

My mental conception of of Valve is that it’s mostly a bunch of well meaning nerds all working on various projects like getting HDMI to work in Linux and then there’s one office where Dana Carvey as the Church Lady works and just decides which yuri VNs are a thought felony.

I had forgotten this until now but I met Mike once many years ago, at work when I was creative dev on WoW TCG. My boss introduced me as something of a WoW expert and Mike said he should send me to talk to the FFXIV team as they were rebooting the game at the time. I demurred. Maybe I shouldn’t have

Paw right on the home row. That’s a trained typist right there

Okay I guess the “just asking questions” brigade is here 🙄 so fine: 1. Yes, Miga has an email job 2. Yes, she is incredibly bad at it, due to she is a dog

Will you please be quiet? She’s working

Nothing in the beauty world confuses me more than mousse. How the fuck much am I supposed to put in. The can always says shit like “a quarter sized amount” bitch BEFORE OR AFTER IT GETS HUGE? “A generous amount” HOW MUCH IS GENEROUS I HELD THE NOZZLE FOR .12 SECONDS AND IT’S A BASEBALL

I can’t remember the last time I legit cried laughing at something but the second verse of this song has done it

New shirt. Idea courtesy of @antlervel.vet who, as is custom, will receive 50% of profits. www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/8916...

DOCTOR: What these results show is that you've never experienced insight, reflection, or interiority in your entire life. You can have no deeper thoughts than recognizing whatever you are looking at in any moment, or survival instincts like hunger for food. You are like a lizard, or a frog. ME: Woow

Can everyone ask this of their boyfriend, if applicable, please

MELAGRIUS THE RED: A piece of Nefariax's soul yet remains. GOLDHART: And so the realm bleeds... BLACK KNIFE JACK: We must destroy it! Eh, Stella? ME, ZONED OUT THINKING ABOUT TITS: Hm? BLACK KNIFE JACK: Nefariax's phylactery? We'll end it? ME: Oh. Oh! No yeah he shouldn't be doing that to his wife

Ava would do an extended thing as we’re making out about how my dick doesn’t matter because she’s bi so she’s been with guys before and oh God she didn’t mean it like THAT way haha it’s just like it’s cool with her you know because bisexual means “my gender and others” and so others is cool with —

I’ve picked up Hacks again and god damn this shit is funny and Ava sucks so bad I need her biblically

Walked into the bodega like this yesterday. Guy on line ahead of me is shooting the shit with bodega man. Bodega man waves me up. Chatty guy turns and goes “Damn!! Okay Brooke Shields!! Like damn!! You know who Brooke Shields is? Honestly don’t worry about it she got nothin on you” thank you sir

Went to bodega for alkaline water, masked. Guy w the thickest Brooklyn accent was talking to cashier. CASHIER: Good morning. ME: Good morning my friend! GUY: EVEN W’DA’ MASK AWN YOU CAN TELL SHE GOTTA BEAUTIFUL SMILE CASHIER: Mm. The eyes. GUY: IT’S DOSE EYES BROTHER “WINDOWS TO THE SOUL” THEY SAY

Today I guessed right and he gave me a Fruit By The Foot as a “special prize”

"let people enjoy things" is over. we must want things to be good

This is doubly cute because Miffy is actually Dutch, not Japanese

BUMMER: Porn Girl Annoying

I wrote two thousand words of pornography today and they didn’t even get to the bed yet

♫Nineteen dollar flap meat♪

Nice selection of *Aqualung riff*s at the supermarket

"Is that Devon Sawa" - me when it's Devon Sawa