PARTY HOST: Whoa, look who decided to show up ten minutes late! It's Mr. Punctual! EVERYONE: (laughs) ME: (typing on phone) ME: (typing) ME: (takes photo of host) ME: (typing) ME: (typing) ME: (stifling laughter to self) ME: (typing) ME: Oh yeah? Well your hair is brown, you short cunt.

the last 24 hours on X, summed up:

gm come here

You: Rachel, I don't think this budget's very good. In fact, it's going to result is the deaths of many poor, elderly, and vulnerable people. Rachel: STOP MANSPLAINING!

Larry Summers’s co-teacher at Harvard: “We will miss his insights and his wisdom” Student: “NO WE WON’T” dude pretends he doesn’t hear, then intros Tony Blair lmao

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa *breathes* hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 'Talk to me with respect, I'm the Chancellor,' says Rachel Reeves www.thenational.scot/news/2563827...

One of the best baselines ever. So simple but huge. RIP Mani. www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D2q...

Thursday again, huh?

Do you want to view ✖️ Men ✖️ Women ✖️ Couples ✅ Tom Bombadil tomdabomb: hey guys tomdabomb: almost at goal Hornystud: boots LuvrBoi: show boots irl12inch: yellow boots NOW tomdabomb: ok singing goal reached tomdabomb: this one is called "the river-daughter" Hornystud: NO irl12inch: NO MisterCocks: NO

Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck

TRUMP: I think that's a nasty question, and I think you're a bad reporter. Next. You. With the mullet. WHITE HOUSE REPORTER KENNY POWERS: Well I think I've had diarrhea dumps that smelled less than you, you wispy headed blond old bitch. Where you get your hair from, a cobwebs bargain bin? TRUMP: 💔🩺📉

#3157 A helpful tutorial

This was extremely entertaining youtube.com/shorts/LSdLc...

GOLDENEYE Pause Music #JamesBond #Videogames #MusicSky #90s #Nostalgia #Gaming #GoldenEye #Movies #OTD #FilmSky

Just received this emergency alert. Stay safe.

Vote Labour

🏳️‍⚧️Chiitan TikTok Live Streaming🏳️‍🌈 at 3:00AM START🗽NY time→ www.tiktok.com/@love2chiitan please follow me🤍

omw 😎

"one day, when it's safe, when there's no personal downside to calling a thing what it is, when it's too late to hold anyone accountable, everyone will have always been against this"

True comedy is watching Dave Portnay trying to use a hammer

retweet for a cozy and bountiful winter

Putting aside all the horrible shit in them: I cannot believe the global elite composes emails like fucking horses who somehow learned to crudely type. My emails read like Shakespeare compared to the lowercased, unpunctuated screeds written to the worlds biggest pedophile. Fucking write like adults!

i can handle this one: it is because he is an illiterate boer ape

Got these new trainers today but I can't get it out of my head that they look like fuckin DC Tosh Lines from The Bill

I think he means Manga. Which is from China.

When you recognize the true value of Hall

Some of the Tim and Eric Night Live stuff is among the funniest stuff I have ever seen. This and the one with Will Forte as the gingerbread house maker are two of the funniest things ever to me. Man I was watching this live and nearly died. youtu.be/EHu0riVR-Go?...

lmao

Three Cheers for Trillionaire Jizz! @theonion.com

i don't want to be mean but he experienced one of the most heartening, hope-inspiring social experiences you can ever have in a video game thanks to these novel extraction genre conventions, and it made him delete the game. i just feel bad for him. jeez man. fuck. www.avclub.com/game-theory-...

This is what they took from you

Change in Headline

3 more prisoners released from prism by mistake

No matter how hard people try to convince us having empathy is wrong, it is right. No matter how hard people try to convince us that diversity is a weakness, it is a strength. No matter how hard people try to convince us that love is limited, it is unlimited.

Hearing rumours that a former US VIce President opened some sort of mysterious puzzle box and now his Dick Chainy.

did we ever find out if it was counting or not counting gang violence

The Great Outdoor (Equipment Store) Fight

BREAKING Rachel Reeves to introduce new "wank tax" in order to help balance the books.

Live Laugh Alienate your kids with your reactionary politics ❤️🇬🇧😁🥰

Reuploading a classic to Bluesky, Forgive me god.

"This was very appropriate for the time of Abraham Lincoln" and it's a picture of a hallway from Phantasm