Sir Keir spotted being sick all down himself after Labour lose Gorton and Denton by-election.

Greens won. Feel like pure shit.

Who remembers the Jamster ringtone that goes "HEY GIRL, YOU BETTER CHECK YO TEXT!"? I like to shout that at people who walk about looking at their phones and expect you to get out of their way.

Imagine if they just scrapped the internet and people weren't on here all day raging about things they've invented in their minds.

Giving feedback to the Hungry Horse kitchen staff (the big momma's hot dawg was not prepared to his precise specifications).

Enoch Powell on Andy Churnwell's Gunge-O-Rama, 1994. This is from the notorious Rivers of Gunge segment. He actually banged his head on bottom of the tank, which was famously shallow. But fair play to him. He didn't sue or complain at all.

What have they DONE to this country?! We had 50/50, Get Your Own Back, ZZZap! - gunge, chaos, proper telly! IT’S NOT THE 90s ANY MORE AND NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE. I just want my country back. I HATE MY LIFE!

The Labour Party: Only Labour will protect women and girls. The Green Party:

I've actually seen Stephen Pollard naked before. And I'm going to have to hold my hands up and confess that it was one of the most erotic experiences I've ever had.

I used a super computer to predict what life will be like if @zackpolanski.bsky.social becomes PM.

Sir Keir: If you don't vote Labour I'm going to drive my car really fast into a wall.

The croque monsieur is just a woke and foreign rip off of the classic British Mr Crock. 🇬🇧

THE PRINCE ANDREW COMMEMORATIVE COIN👑🪙

If you vote for the Green Party I swear to God I'm going to shit my pants.

Your dad has this poster up in his new flat.

Say what you will about the far-right, but I've got to say that they're provided us all with endless amusement in 2026 so far, and it's only February. "YOU HAVE DAMAGED ME, BASIL!"

I believe @zackpolanski.bsky.social wants to break into my Yaris while I'm sleeping and put drugs in my bum. That's why he must be stopped.

Thomas Skinner's like the bus in the film Speed, except that, rather than exploding if he goes below a certain speed, he has to face the consequence for his actions if he stops grafting.

"I go to see Minions for chaos, bananas, und tiny yellow idiots exploding things - ja?! Not for life lessons und emotional growth! Since vhen did tic-tac henchmen need moral philosophy? Give me nonsense, not lecture! BANANA, not woke!"

🚨🚨🚨BREAKING: infrared technology reveals that @zackpolanski.bsky.social's home contains no poppies or poppy-themed items.

People on here are just raging all the time. Take a chill pill, hombre!

The Yankification of the UK is nearly complete when young people are called things like Oakley Hollands and Leighton Ashby.

FACT: I was the first person in the world to own a Sinclair Arcade Toilet, a government-subsidised masterpiece of British engineering.

ANDY (to camera): So this Friday, skip the chippy - SOUTHGATE: - and go deep. BOTH (pointing at camera): Deep Pan Pizza! GO DEEP OR GO HOME. ANDY: And unlike a penalty shootout… this one’s guaranteed satisfaction.

Dogshit account.

I actually famously invented this in my Yaris during the Captain Tom years of the pandemic. I received acclaim for it at the time.

The difference between Reform and Restore is comparable to Nelly's companion albums Sweat and Suit: Reform is for cruising with your boys in the day; Restore is for getting bizz-ay in da club.

My favourite Beatle, you ask? Got to be Jorpaulingo.

Great news, guys! Arsenal finally have an official crypto trading partner. It's Bitpanda.

Bit mean. People are in my replies calling me a fascist again, simply because I hosted a chutney festival in Newton Aycliffe that was organised by fascists. You couldn't make it up!

Sir Keir's passionate plea: "If you don't vote Labour, I'll kill myself."

Mike Tapp has "British pie" with his dog.

Sir Keir cuts a nonchalant figure as he takes on The Gut Buster at Greasy Nicks, Ashby-de-la-Zouch.

This is what they took from you. 🇬🇧

If you're a fan of the lighthearted '90 sitcom Father Ted, follow Graham Linehan, its co-creator, on X, the everything app. Very funny stuff. Check him out.

BREAKING Papa Johns have ended their professional relationship with the Labour Party over Labour's ties with Peter Mandelson.

Revorce sent @centristqc.bsky.social to Broadmead in Bristol to ask the public whether they can recognise a photo of me. 8% of people could. When he did the same with a photo of Rupert Lowe 45% of people begged him to take the photo away.

We're throwing in a bottle of Freixenet prosecco, courtesy of Superdrug FM, and a limbo ride with the man himself. There is still time to win this once in a lifetime prize.

Only '90s kids will know.

Answer the following question to be in with a chance to party with Sir Keir Starmer at Stringfellows, London. What did Sir Keir's father do for a living? A) Steeplejack B) Jugband leader C) Wharfinger

I've done something very cynical to try and game the algorithm, which is coming up with a really click baity title for this mix of some of my tunes. Check it out!

Bandcamp Friday? Check out this brilliant alternative, indie rock band that has absolutely nothing to do with me. 🏳️‍⚧️ flossieband.bandcamp.com

New release! 🏳️‍⚧️

This is disgusting. Why on earth did he do this on national television?

When Britain had balls.🇬🇧