Linehan is like this too. Morning, noon, and night he's a maniacal gourmand of trans hate. But the moment anybody calls him transphobic or anti-trans he detonates a heavy, furious turd into his freakishly small chinos.

Sir Keir taking to the stage with Lammy is like watching The Beatles jamming with Dylan in 1965.

POV: you've been wanking with a VPN in Sir Keir's Britain.

Love them or loathe them, we all have to admit this is a real touch of class from Labour. At today's conference David Lammy started a minute-long clap for #MensMentalHealth.

This is Meal Deal Man's final form.

It's all too easy to imagine this man being kicked out of Tiger Tiger for wearing shoes with cameras on them, isn't it?

“Hello, I'm from UKIP and we’d like to share a message about the god-like individual of our time, both sun and moon, day and night, our brotherly leader of the revolution, mein vater, Adolph Hitler."

41 sleeps until Poppy Day.

The UK recognising Palestine reminds me of when my son told me he was cutting contact, so I was like: "But what if I were to take you bowling to make up for all the years of emotional distance, neglect, and not listening to you when you're talking?" It's such a lovely gesture.

The UK recognising Palestine reminds me of when my son told me he was cutting contact, so I was like: "But what if I were to take you bowling to make up for all the years of emotional distance, neglect, and not listening to you when you're talking?" It's such a lovely gesture.

From Bissau to Palau, in the shade of Avalon From Fiji to Tyree and the Isles of Ebony From Peru to Cebu, hear the power of Babylon From Bali to Cali, far beneath the Coral Sea

And then Reeves did a backflip into her union flag Jaguar and sped off into the distance with flames coming out of the exhaust pipe while everybody applauded.

Every day Sir Keir is striving to woo Meal Deal Man, Britain's most neglected demographic: Age: 25-55 Likes: Banter, being normal, footie, Madri, Oasis, Peaky Blinders, the company of other meal deal men, birds and bonking, Turtle Bay. Fragrance: Joop! Outfit: Navy blue.

Sir Keir says Labour must pander to hallowed "normal British bloke" demographic he's calling "meal deal man".

My friend Tom quit fapping and his biology shifted. Skin cleared, jawline sharpened, posture fixed. Women sense his unbusted alpha frequency when he makes eye contact. Semen retention = testosterone recycling. Stop draining your power and unlock Alpha Mode.

Can't believe Sir Keir tweeted this.

Wow. Since announcing the Brit Card, Sir Keir's popularity has soared. And yet they said he was finished, that it was curtains for Keir. Now look: he's on top once again, having won another game of interdimensional Ker-Plunk.

You know when Mel Gibson was visibly aroused talking about Daddy Trump taking off his big manly belt to deliver horny justice to the country's buttocks? That's how I feel about Sir Keir introducing the Brit Card.

Who remembers before woke when The Great British Banger had a foreskinned end? #AndysMemoryLane

Got me Brit Card right here, mate.

I just had a flashback to when David Quantick and a former editor of the NME were bullying me in my replies because I said Sir Keir listens to The Fratellis on 6 Music.

The woke brigade are trying to get this image banned. Share it before they throw us all in jail.

Farage is the Lostprophets of politicians: inexplicably popular with a large collection of idiots who can't see that his entire act is imitating Americans.

This is disgusting. It's outrageous! Those hallowed Great British swans aren't for foreigners. They're for divorced white English men to shag. 😡🇬🇧

God, I'm so angry. I'm absolutely livid. Apparently trans people have filled Graham Linehan's hard drive with sissy porn. 😡

"MY DIPPY CHIPS. SOMEBODY'S STOLEN THEM. I HATE THEM." Sir Keir has gone "absolutely ballistic", a Labour insider has revealed.

Most men over 45 are spiritually divorced. Just some of us haven't got divorced yet.

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The pure aura in this video is insane

"What's the charge, officers? Compiling an extensive dossier of sissy porn? A succulent dossier of sissy porn?"

My son, a patriot, was sent home from school last week by woke teachers for painting this. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. 😡🇬🇧

Me when I order the Big Daddy's ding-dong dawg with loaded fries at Hungry Horse.

"A'wight, darlin'? Giz us hand, will ya? I've only gone and got me plonker stuck in the chaise lounge."

My son got sent home by his woke teacher for this painting of his hero, Charlie Kirk. It's called "Your body, my choice" after one of Kirk's famous quotes. Let's show my son, who's been crying all weekend, how much we all appreciate his normal right-wing art.

Noel Gallagher: "The tofu munching wokerati don't want us to sing Don't Look Back In Anger. Apparently it's offensive. Well, guess what? I've got somebody here who's going to help me sing it. Put it together for Mr Toby Young." *applause*

Aside from the choice of flag, a lot of far-right accounts on X are indistinguishable from their American counterparts, to the extent that they're repeating weird evangelical Christian talking points. If their hero, Enoch, were alive today he'd be chowing down on a big daddy's ding-dong dawg.

Your dad has been arrested in Birtley, dressed as a beefeater, painting roundabouts. I'm so so sorry.

Just installed a Dyson Airblade in my Yaris and, crikey, my hands have never been drier.

TRUMP MENU: STARTER Faggin and Yorkshire ploppies MAIN Eggy peggy with Wiltshire stinker beside a bed of Burnley bean sheaths AFTERS Sloppy dick ALE Ruddles

Sir Keir DEVASTATED after Trump leaves official state visit gift bag containing an Arsenal shirt and Joey Essex My Girl perfume in Sedgemoor Services.

Say what you will about the US-UK special relationship, but both leaders are staunchly united in their refusal to discuss their close personal relationships with prolific paedophiles.

BREAKING Sir Keir will take Trump to Harvester for a delicious slice of eggy peggy during state visit.

Sir Keir has proposed that Charlie Kirk's book The Complete Essays be added to the national curriculum. "I might not have agreed with everything he said, but he was a formidable communicator and polemicist."

This was me last year before the election, running through traffic with "ED DAVEY" written on a piece of paper.

"Rest now, brother. We have the watch. And I'll see you in Valhalla," I say as I leave the Hungry Horse, having sunk 4 pints of Ruddles and taken on the flamin' bad boy burger.

Delighted to hear that Laura Woods will be presenting the award to the winner later today.

I think we can all agree that the American evangelical Christian and right-wing activist Chris Turd is up in heaven right now, DESTROYING Jesus's worldview of compassion, humility, serving others, and embracing those deemed outsiders in society. His final slam dunk on woke.

Who remembers when that weird evangelical Nazi got his head blow off and people pretended that he was good? What was that all about? #AndysMemoryLane

TFW you order The Big Bada Bing Bolognese Bowl at Hungry Horse.