I grounded my now-estranged son for not liking Love Beach by Emerson, Lake & Palmer.

My friend Nick Ferrari has a wormery in his garden. There's a little tap at the bottom of the plastic contraption from which the wormy, soily nectar can be released. He does this and then drinks it every night before bed. He says it gives him special broadcasting powers.

Lovely unhinged interview. It's got that seething, passive aggressive jealousy of which British journalists are masters.

Crowd: GO ANDY! GO ANDY! Andy: Yo-yo! Check this fly shit out. This one's going out to Keir: I ain't got no motherfuckin' friends. That's why I fucked yo' bitch, you fat motherfucker!

My son has also done this. Must be all the rage these days.

GTA6 looks so bad

I get my news on the "gay rights movement" from an ultra rich straight woman who lives in a mouldy castle.

I don't believe in Davos I don't believe in EU I don't believe in Blair I don't believe in Labour I just believe in me Jenny and me And that's reality I was Special K But now I am here I was the toolmaker But now I'm Keir And so, dear friends, You'll just have to carry on The dream is over

You work in a music shop and Sir Keir comes in. What gear is he buying?

I don't believe in Davos I don't believe in EU I don't believe in Blair I don't believe in Labour I just believe in me Jenny and me And that's reality I was Special K But now I am here I was the toolmaker But now I'm Keir And so, dear friends, You'll just have to carry on The dream is over

A heartbreaking fact: Sir Keir no longer has anybody to say "give Keir the ball!" when he's playing football with school children.

Jonty Prong has written an absolutely savage takedown of the Greens in today's Times. I can't post it because it's behind a paywall. But believe me: Prong has nailed it again!

Jonty Prong has written an absolutely savage takedown of the Greens in today's Times. I can't post it because it's behind a paywall. But believe me: Prong has nailed it again!

Sensible, pragmatic, mission-driven: is Wes Streeting the future of this country?

I understand that Wes Streeting was sobbing in a lift because Andy Burnham pinned him down and shaved off his Starmer-era haircut.

BREAKING: Labour to blame trans people for high prices.

I understand that Wes Streeting was sobbing in a lift because Andy Burnham pinned him down and shaved off his Starmer-era haircut.

Famously, most baby boomer men settled down with a woman that they hate when they were 17, continuing to stay in that relationship out of some sort of respect for the values of heteronormativity.

Just heard that Sir Keir has stabbed himself with a samurai sword out of shame. Very sad.

Ground control to Major Keir.

Typically righty snowflakes, unable to accept the existence of people who aren't exactly like them. Well you better toughen up. Looks like someone's offended, @ovenscomedy.bsky.social!

How I’m moving if you call me “a trans” or say “I support trans” while referring to me

Wasn't it weird when the commentator said: "They've faced tough teams in this competition, but now they're facing men"? Absolutely crackers.

Yes, hell yeah I'm #Barmy4Burnham.

Well done, @thehumancentipeeb.bsky.social. Not only did you support a country famous for slavery and Nazis - not to mention a country currently led by a Bernard Manning-faced fascist - but your spite made me crash my Yaris. Hope it was worth it.

Just heard that Sir Keir has stabbed himself with a samurai sword out of shame. Very sad.

Ground control to Major Keir.

Years ago, before woke, you'd go into the chippie and ask for a barrel of scraps and that would feed the family for a week. Nutritious, health, filling. Proper British food. No wonder the woke brigade stopped it. 😡

Proper class from Sir Keir thanking Kemi Badenoch for reaching out to him after those rent boys tried to torch his house. Just goes to show they are capable of compassion.

I was an equity punk and it was because of James that I lost thousands. Nevertheless, I'm am with him completely on this one. It's time to invest once again!

What I respected most of all about Ann Widdecombe was her Revolver-era haircut. Easily the coolest Beatles period.

Got to hand it to Michael Portillo. He really cleaned up his image. He's so charming when he's talking about them trains, even though we all know that he'd love to throttle a poor foreigner.

Remember that Welsh rugby fan who cut his balls off because Wales won? What if Sir Keir did that in a bid to win back voters?

"I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mack," once sang The Reynolds Sisters. And now we've got a generation of young people who don't like music and can't stop gooning. Dark times.

When the women in Bucks Fizz pulled their maxi skirts off to reveal mini skirts British viewers literally came in their pants. They'd never seen anything like it.

People say that the literacy rate in the US is shockingly low, but I'm really enjoying reading their football hot takes.

If you were playing at the World Cup, what pose would YOU strike for your team line-up video? I would go for this: #WorldCup

Sir Keir is Ronaldo. Andy Burnham is Messi. Both are great, but after years of blasting goals into the net it's time for Sir Keir to take a much needed rest. Thank you for your service, Sir Keir!

What's Andy Burnham going to do when he takes over? Let's just say he's got a few tricks up his sleeves!

"Please can you move out? Listen, I'll let you in on a secret: my wife is very angry with me and I really need you to move out so we can move in... I'll do anything... Bark like a dog? Of course. Woof woof... Please. I've done what you've asked. Please can you just move out."

Hi @aaron.bsky.team this user thinks that wumpa fruits are apples. Please ban them immediately - thank you 🙏

My Sauciest Moments VHS series changed the industry when it was released back in the 1990s. It sold especially well in the German-speaking world, where nearly every household owns at least one of my tapes.

World Cup US = the greatest cultural exchange in human history. Billions of impoverished soccer fans got to taste world-beating American cuisine at Chick-fil-A and witness the beauty of our breathtaking outlet malls and toxic swamps. Makes me proud to be an all-American dude from Gooch, Wisconsin.

There's a big change that I may die alone (not good).

Little known fact: Noel Gallagher's a big fan of rapists and wants them to sing Wonderwall.

I find it intriguing on here when I encounter somebody who clearly doesn't like me. It really reflects badly on them and makes them look like quite the prat!

Perfect response for if somebody makes fun of you for marrying a women 23 years your junior.

Best goalkeeper we ever had.

Why's this guy so angry? What a weird website I'm on.