The plan? [insert comedically bad suggestion]

This is the guy they’ve brought in to save Labour

Is anyone asking the Lib Dems to stand aside in Makerfield, because the Greens came below them last time. 🤷‍♀️

Whether it’s Caroline Lucas, John Harris, any number of comedians, or Keir Starmer himself…I am so fed up of establishment figures calling themselves left wing and talking up change until change is actually possible, then immediately pivoting to a maintenance of the status quo.

Caroline Lucas has made 2 interventions in politics in the last 2 weeks & both have been against her own party & on the side of its enemies, specifically its Labour right enemies. Probably just coincidence that doesn't mean anything at all

JILL STEIN MUST CONDEMN!! 🇺🇸

I, a respected journalist, have spent the morning rummaging through Zack Polanski’s bins. Just found a crumpled up note that suggests Polanski has managed to persuade all 66 ex-members of the Fall to stand in Makerfield as independents. Outrageous!

This is the tech utopia I was promised

Honestly, as a Green Party member and supporter, I’ll be horrified if they contest any seats at the next general election.

I don’t know lads, saying that you need to severely undermine democracy in order to save it doesn’t feel like a particularly solid position, especially when this is the most authoritarian government of a life time

Listen, you can call me anti-bedtime, you can call me anti-graph…but please refrain from suggesting I’m empathetic

I’ll go first. He voted in favour of the UK invading Iraq in order to protect democracy and liberalism

Fun game: try and name a single thing Andy Burnham has done in his decades long career in politics that could be considered left wing/progressive etc

Going to start a conspiracy theory about Andy Burnham being secretly from Yorkshire.

I met Andy Burnham once and he whispered to me that he thinks Manchester is a shithole

I am Labour’s most left wing member! (I am calling for more public-private partnership)

It’s so galling to see people who called for change at a time when change wasn’t possible, upholding the status quo at a time when change might actually be on the cards…

Out on the town in my big coat

An 'increasingly narrow' English curriculum and a focus on passing tests are squeezing out 'reading for pleasure', experts say https://schoolsweek.co.uk/secondary-english-curriculum-crowds-out-reading-for-pleasure/

Really funny thing happened in the shops earlier when someone came up to me and asked if my son (Sir Keir Rodney Octigan) was named after Keir Hardie!!! Had a good chuckle about it afterwards with the lads at the Masonic lodge

Andy Burnham is not going to give you Proportional Representation, come on people.

I’m going to split the vote in Makerfield by standing a carrot in a comfy jacket and chunky frame black plastic glasses, with a button on the top you can press to get it to say ‘trams’.

Tom DeLongley over here, amirite 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 *standing ovation* youtu.be/w5rDQr4HZ64?...

Will there be bovril?

Amongst all the political turmoil going on rn, I regretfully would like to announce that, as of 17.50pm on Thurs 14th May, the dog still hasn’t come

Regular reminder that Andy Burnham voted for the invasion of Iraq, and repeatedly voted against holding an inquiry into it

400 seats later, it’s just Sir Keir and Andy B left. Burnham is battered and bruised screaming ‘Keeeeiiiir’ wandering round a burning polling station like Bruce Willis at the end of Die Hard

Labour to lose every seat they currently hold as their MPs stand down one by one to allow Burnham to stand only for him to lose the by-election to another party.

I’ve decided to stand down from my position as supreme leader of the Leeds FF7 fan club in order for Andrew Murray Burnham to stand. From this position of incredible power he’ll be able to challenge Sir Keir and bring us 100 years of prosperity and trams

Sub me in! I can advise!

Take my quote out of your mouth, war criminal.

@churnwell.bsky.social - stay safe

THE SCOTCH EGG SHOP IS IN LUKE AKEHURST’S CONSTITUENCY!

Undeniable in the short term, tbh, which goes to show just how eviscerated the party has been. In one sense, an amazing success for his faction.

Legendary behaviour from the advisors who are encouraging him to engage in this undignified display of soon-to-be abject failure, they must really hate him.

So Luke Akehurst's pal who has been banging on about narrow boat tax was also the one who did the job on Rayner, and she's just been cleared of any wrongdoing. So looks like he is indeed just a slimy little factional snitch trying to whip up scandals out of stuff nobody should be caring about.

Update: got some local knowledge. It’s a sign for the Top Notch Scotch Egg company (I got the colour scheme wrong) Apparently they do *every flavour*!

Little known fact: Al’s first name is short for All I Want Is My Country Back

Subscribing to the new statesman to see how Al Carns is going to save Britain

Everytime I drive up to the north east for work I bear witness to something wondrous. This time it was a road sign someone had put up that just read SCOTCH EGGS with a big yellow arrow pointing left off the A693 near Beamish museum. V tempted to nip off on my lunch break to see where it leads

I really want to see Andy Burnham do well and get support from the NEC so he can run for a seat he wins, so he can lose his third Labour leadership campaign properly and in an undignified manner. It’d be sad if he never got to fail for a third time. Liberals would treat him like John Smith.

Every candidate for Labour leader is awful. Even the less bad options. This is what you get when you shut the people you’re supposed to represent out of politics for decades.

C’mon lads, you already tried this strategy awhile back and it didn’t work then either

When the right of the Labour Party sense weakness in the opposing faction they pursue a scorched earth policy destroying not only their enemy leader but every ally, every supportive member, every mechanism by which that faction could return to power. When the left of the Party sense weakness…

UPDATE: I’ve just been suspended by the NEC for suggesting we ‘dial it down a bit, maybe open up a sure start centre or two’ in a CLP meeting, smh

So excited to announce that I’ve just joined the Labour Party to help #steerkeir towards the soft left 🌹

Bit of deep Resident Evil lore here for all you guys who probably don’t know this but the S in Leon S Kennedy’s name is short for Sir Keir Rodney Starmer

Just got my new passport through the post. Wtf is going on? Can anyone explain this to me?