Starting the official countdown to Spooky Lake Month 😱

crush this, crush that, some of you need to get crushed under the weight of another human being

I happened to forget my headphones on the day there is a dude talking himself through his workout sets like he's having sex and I have never been more annoyed in my life

The only way to do chores is while listening to a bunch of nerds talk about something

"This song made me think of you." (Horniest music ever played)

i muted the word rapture and most of my timeline disappeared, which is a sort of rapture in and of itself

Checking the news every morning like

Blaming pregnant mothers for their kid's autism is so vile and damaging, especially if you know just how bad and guilty they already feel about a million other things. I know that there are moms out there who are believing this shit and it makes me so angry.

40 units in my face, getting my eyebrows touched up, and my hair done would fix me

Universal childcare wouldn't just relieve working families of a massive cost burden. It improves the whole economy. "There are a lot of reasons building a child care system that works for everyone is important to our children, to parents, to employers and to economic growth."

I found a new critical care podcast, started it today, and I'm already 3 episodes deep

You didn't get your autism from your mom who treated her headache while pregnant. You got it from your dad who can name every model of airplane made since the 1900s.

A customer just came into the shop and bought 12 books for her friend’s birthday. She’s going to wrap them individually and write a different month of the year on each one, so her friend has a new book to read every month until her next birthday. And I think that’s just the most thoughtful gift.

is bisexual when you're sexual twice a year or every two years?

Bisexual visibility is when a bisexual person gets new glasses

Oh dear. It seems Dr. Oz’s company sells Trump‘s big autism cure. What a crazy happenstance.

These are the kinds of treatments grifters sell to parents to try and "cure" autism and anyone who claims they can is a lying piece of shit.

Happy Autumn 🍂

'Rapture' comes from the Latin 'rapere' meaning "to seize and carry off." 'Raptor' also comes from 'rapere.' We hope neither carries you off today.

Crushes are for children. We are adults. We have obsessions.

"No, you don't have time to grab a dino to take to school" "I'm not grabbing a DINO I am grabbing a DRAGON" 🤦‍♀️

It's leg day, ladies and gentlemen, which means blueberry protein pancakes for breakfast

If you are in line for the rapture, STAY IN LINE

Nothing says “land of the free” like armed agents of the state saying “show me your papers if you want your daughter back” bsky.app/profile/nbcb...

It's all fun and games until a cop handles a Tylenol gelcap with no gloves and within seconds their socks are bothering them.

The word “autism” was first used to describe behavioral differences in children in 1911 but autism has been documented using available records going back to the 1700s (definitively) and further. Acetaminophen (Tylenol, paracetamol) was discovered in 1878 and first sold in the United States in 1950.

I can't be raptured tomorrow, because I can't miss leg day

not gonna lie i hope some of you get raptured im tired of your shit

Do I believe doctors, scientists, and decades of research or believe a walking cadaver and his leather goblin sidekick?

so many who has the time

“Nothing bad can happen, it can only good happen.”

me telling my grandkids what it was like to have vaccines

the sex thing you are into: cringe, embarrassing, politically regressive, indicative of your fundamentally evil character the fundamentally very similar but aesthetically somewhat different sex thing i am into: epic and normal

RFK Jr has to be fired immediately. This dangerous bullshit needs to end before people start dying from his misinformation.

joining the war on autism on the side of autism

Does extra strength Tylenol cause extra strength autism?

mom said you have to take me to the rapture this time

I try not to let Trump steal my calm…but this makes me furious

bf reveal!

I hope I don't get raptured mid-goon

I can't wait for them to announce the cure for autism so that I get all the cool rocks to myself

Too late, Batman. Once this Tylenol floods the city's water supply, my wiki won't run out of editors ever again

You cannot be mean to me online in a way that matters

If you ever said you'd let Luigi give you a few backshots too, you're going to jail

I have taken the Tylenol that was in the medicine cabinet and which they think probably is the reason you like trains forgive me but that’s bullshit you got autism from your dad

Trump: don’t take acepitoemponoene RFK Jr: *moth crawls out of mouth* A nude man is in the background, only referred to as “the colonel” Person watching on tv: well if they say so

'nurse' what a sick burn

We treat high fevers in the ICU with Tylenol and we don't make patients "tough it out" because that can be dangerous. Hope this helps.

I probably would have thrown myself into the guillotine if I didn't have Tylenol for my migraines during that 2nd trimester