Big Dog at Bar

I'm so good this year that Santa will come twice maybe three times

I will burn everything fucking down I swear to god starting with The Atlantic

She needs an espresso martini and a coupon for a massage

If I had a husband I'd make him run the rest of my Christmas errands for me while I napped

I am currently in a forbearance because they put a freeze on new applicants who want to change their type of payment plan to a better one, and I guess I can go ahead and assume that mine won't be approved 👍

Wait until you hear about a fistula

Watching "Love, actually"

and a blep morning to you as well

Flame says good morning

HOW YOU GONNA ALLOW DILDO BUT NOT TIDDY

there is nothing more reassuring than finding out someone is a cat person

All I want for Christmas is sword

Tonight's sunset clouds. Holy mackerel.

ESA/Webb's final Picture of the Month for 2025 features Westerlund 2 containing many of the Milky Way’s hottest, brightest & most massive stars. Located 20,000 light-years from Earth in the constellation Carina Link for more info: esawebb.org/images/potm2... Photo credit: ESA/Webb, NASA & CSA

I helped a nurse this weekend figure out how to change gender and pronouns in a transitioning patient's chart and although it wasn't difficult to do, it should be something everyone is asked on admission

Fun Fact: We know where the Lewis and Clark expedition camped because their all-meat diet gave them horrible constipation and they took mercury-based laxitaves called "Thunderclappers" so they could shit. We found the sites by looking for mercury in the soil.

Bluesky, asses are illegal.

the facehugger emerging fully-formed from its pod-like egg

tonight the government killed a story on cbs about the slave labor camp in a foreign country theyre illegally sending people to

If you post on here more than 20 times in one day the app should display a health bar showing how close you are to snapping

I’m certified in hiv testing and counseling the first time i had to give a positive test result to someone it was to an 18 year-old non-cheating monogamous person in a relationship with a non-cheating monogamous person.

What stage of grieving involves a sequined pantsuit

Amazing work from whoever was up in N6914W over Ohio … www.flightaware.com/live/flight/...

hiding her neck on stage was smart

Who up spiraling

Toad sat and did nothing. Frog sat with him.

And the hits keep coming lmao

Explaining Mr. Rogers to kids who didn't grow up with him is a trip because he sounds like a political juggernaut. When public pools were segregated, he put his feet in a kiddy pool with Officer Clemmens, a Black man. He saved PBS by addressing senate. He made his show accessible for blind kids.

Only nurses will be talking about getting railed at work at 9 in the morning

Picked up a festive ceramic tile from the great Edith Morris... www.edith-morris.com

If I were Trump's doctor, I'd tell him that correctly identifying the zoo animal is his initiation into Mensa.

"Women are attracted to men who are successful and ambitious. They want to be with winners.” -Andrew Tate

Money Trees by Kendrick is in repeat and I can't stop listening to it and probably won't

I had so many compliments on my appearance today that it started getting annoying. Like wow can't you see that I am working? I can't be bothered with being told how beautiful I am right now.

"No other president has taken a cognitive test" is a hilarious self own

My 6 year old son has been making tutorial videos of himself drawing various things (uses the iPad to record) and I have no other choice but to call him Bob Ross for the rest of his life

brb gotta go spray my snake

calligraphy is great, if you want to write a strongly-worded letter to Thomas Jefferson.

Once I tried frying my eggs in spicy chili crisp oil and now I cannot stop frying my eggs in spicy chili crisp oil

Not going to spend my morning arguing with a WSJ subscriber about how we should test every disabled person at the airport to prove they're disabled. I'm just not.

Spotted a 60-something man on the beach reading Olivia Nuzzi’s “American Canto.” His wife is nearby. She has Mar-a-Lago face and is wearing a trucker hat that says “Sun. Yoga. Champagne.” She’s been watching a live cam feed of her front door on a comically large tablet for the last 20 minutes.

Every holiday season little kids go to school in their pajamas, drink hot chocolate, and watch the most terrifying movie ever made, The Polar Express

I learned tonight that I will baby talk any animal even reptiles

The date went really great- he's attractive, smart, can hold a great conversation, but there's just this one kind of weird thing he did... in the bedroom, he asked me to call him *whispers*

Before MS took my dad's mobility completely, he'd get fatigued and spastic walking long distances, like in an airport. Fuck all the way off with ableist, fascist bullshit.

Warhammer. You should take up warhammer. A new hobby. Just for you.

When I run for president, I will fight for this

What are we thinking for my post-divorce glow up? Go blonde? Get some tattoos? New boobs? A third boob perhaps

biblically accurate angels except it's with testicles