pretending to be asleep so my cat doesn't stop cuddling with me

hot girls love pierogi

the secret to life is having a silly little crush you'll never act on

every time i describe osseous surgery to someone they say it sounds like nightmare fuel and it's like yeah kind of!!!! you have to let your gums literally reattach which takes a couple weeks. if you aren't flossing consistently you better start or this will be in your future

mary shelley was such a baddie i’m reading frankenstein for the first time

when i call you big dog this is what i mean

i'm gonna oh my, starry eyed surprise, sundown to sunrise dance all night, we gonna dance all night, dance all night to this DJ soooo much this summer

mac and cheese with fun pasta shapes tastes better. i don’t make the rules

you're never gonna believe who just won the award for International Best Boy of the Year.

osseous surgery is done! three quadrants, two hours of surgery, $2165, a lot of blood, and three Rxs later i'm finally home resting. the numbing is wearing off so i'm gonna drink an ensure, eat some strawberry halo top, and play stardew valley 🩷 having stitches between my teeth feels v weird

bad things happen to you because you got no groove in your heart

this person needs a medical procedure. insurance company: deny coverage

proof of life [great hair day]

today is the last day before my second osseous surgery and then i'm back on a liquid diet for a couple weeks. making homemade pizza tonight for my last supper. something to look forward to :)

he loves Hacks

24 hour news networks killed journalism. objectivity gave way to spectacle. they profit off panic.

If I ever got stuck in quicksand I’d act like I was slowly walking downstairs

who up scribbling with a pen and paper getting analog wit it

the return of the McRib is a depression indicator

Me in the Criterion Closet: i don't have a dvd player

when robins appear loved ones are near

2000 Flushes-ass pool

all roads lead back to a big gooey cinnamon roll

happy mother's day to my four moms

can i come over and parallel play

tomato paste in a paint tube is so cunty

i took an IQ test recently and got a 132. all it really did was make me question the validity of IQ tests 😂

they should invent a weekend that goes by slowly. let's take it slow, baby.

we deserve to enjoy life now, regardless of what we've achieved. this shouldn't be controversial.

my favorite rewatch show is parks and rec. i can watch it an infinite amount of times and still be entertained. you couldn't make that show today.

oh cool so we've learned nothing from the past six years

what an exhausting time to be alive

At what age can I start having multiple things going at full volume comfortably

the met gala is elitist but at least it funds the costume institute. bezos being a sponsor this year makes it feel soooooo tacky. i'm tired of tech bros ruining everything.

today marks 21 months of sobriety 🩷 turns out i keep getting better at being me

when i cook dinner at home when i'd rather order in

Eventually, your willingness to hear out fascists, to pretend neutrality, turns you into a fascist.

"still punk as fuck" i whisper as i binge barefoot contessa

if you never stop for yourself, your body will do it for you

I'm sorry, but I really do not find t-shirts about alcoholism funny.

give me the biggest root beer you have

in this house we have whimsy and childlike wonder

i think i'm addicted to chips and dip

me on a friday

you can be anything! be the person who cancels the friday meeting!

let's be weird together

just ate half a pan of parmesan garlic brussel sprouts like a fiber freak

for whom the hoot hollers

a long walk on a sunny spring day is my favorite antidepressant