I went to the 2025 Erika Kirk Grief Bonanza and all I got was shot in the neck by a t-shirt cannon

What stage of grief is pyrotechnics

CHOOSE ABORTION LIFE KILLS!

If you’re cold, they’re cold. Let them inside… or else

listen here pal one thing im not gonna do is jerk off healthily

The Dems are drafting a strongly worded letter as we speak

Ah, here are the minutes from Trump’s press briefing earlier today on healthcare

FIFA peace prize medalist just launched military attacks on Syria

Sorry but this is the only Christmas carol I care about

Just submitted my grades for the semester!

For a hot second, I bet it feels pretty good to be drawn and quartered

The odds being ever in our favor has the opportunity to do the funniest thing right now

on the bright side three years from now will be boom times for businesses that specialize in removing garish brass letters from buildings

And the Department of Defense

It’s the Kennedy Center. Just like it’s the Gulf of Mexico.

It’s the Wordle—

Trump is gonna go on live tv talking about magnets, heaven, Biden, the amazing economy, his golf score, carrots, and cheese curds. And then he’s going to declare war on Venezuela.

actually i prefer savory caroline

Trump is about to announce that Venezuela has WMDs isn’t he

Oh no, The Panic™ is setting in

New website/logo for The Rumpus! therumpus.net I hope you check it out!

I never knew I needed to see Marco Rubio in a time out before today—

Remember how the year started—

The first sight I see in the mornin

Remember how the year started—

Me, reading everyone’s insightful takes on the Vanity Fair piece

Interactions after when you’re north of 50: Me: I think you should have Priority Flat Rate boxes that are big enough to ship vinyl. Gen Z postal clerk: Are records your jam? Me: Yep. (Awkward silence for 2 minutes) Clerk: Can you fill out our customer service survey on the screen? Me: A+++++!

I need a good book of experimental essays and/or memoir to enjoy and study. Recs?

I’m starting to think it’s not the most wonderful time of the year

Well, now I can’t stop actually listening to and trying to sing it

Who wants to go Christmas caroling? We’re singing Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam

I’m going to see Kill Bill 1 and 2 in the theater tonight. Alone. What full meal should I try to sneak my way into the cinema???

I SAID I DON’T WANT A WHALE IN A BOX OR A BAG, AH YEAHHHHH -me, singing “Yellow Ledbetter” by Pearl Jam in the shower

The concept of the 25th friggin amendment

Rob Reiner was not deranged. Stone Cold Jane Austen doesn’t think so

The concept of the 25th friggin amendment

But those are my emotional support open cabinets

I think I should take Mondays off from staying informed

In winter especially, your keys are in the wrong pocket 150% of the time. You check the right pocket; not there. You check the left pocket; not there. You check the right pocket again; and they are lurking there after all.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that St. Nicholas’ palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti

What’s everyone reading today??

My little brother, staring through the window: it snowed out Me: yeah, I know My little brother: …. Me: …. My little brother: …. Me: …. My little brother: …. Me: …. My little brother: please let me in

I’m starting to think Calibri font is not the problem

The Woke Left will stop at nothing and want you to don your GAY apparel NOW

We have an active president on the loose

Only one hour and 45 minutes to go

I have plans with a friend at 2 pm and I’ve literally been sitting on my couch waiting until 1:30 pm all morning 🤣

Me: “I know I don’t make the kind of money [my sister] does…” My mom: “Or your brother.”

Looking for a better amp for my electric blanket. Got any recs?