$100 says no one in the Trump admin can pronounce “acetaminophen.”

I’ve been bodybuilding for the past half year and my dumb ass cannot believe I actually grew stronger

Well, if I got raptured and you got raptured… then who’s flying this plane?

me, watching my cat get raptured

Me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday. (same as any tuesday)

I got dibs on The Bean after the Rapture

me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday

Here @nytimes.com - I fixed it for you

What if I get raptured during my colonoscopy on Tuesday

Me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday

Omg what if I get raptured AFTER I drink the prep solution but BEFORE the actual procedure.

me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday

me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday

me, after everyone else gets raptured on Tuesday

I fill every pocket of my cargo pants with rocks to protect against unauthorized rapturing.

You cannot be raptured in cargo pants. It’s in the Bible

What if I get raptured during my colonoscopy on Tuesday

Hell yeah, I hope the rapture happens on Tuesday. Take all these monsters up to meet Jerry Falwell and James Dobson in the sky so the rest of us can go get our vaccines and abortions in peace

Me, driving to work on Tuesday

There is no world in which it is normal for the president to publicly call upon his attorney general to hurry up and prosecute his political foes. It’s like the Watergate tapes but posted on social media. Let’s get a grip on what’s happening here.

"boyfriend Bill Belichick" is a deeply cursed compound phrase

I’ve got a Disney adult sister and a Juggalo brother. Combined, we are: ANTIFA

this exists it is called thinking

Critical part of the President's new $100,000 charge for H1-B visas: The Administration can also offer a $100,000 discount to any person, company, or industry that it wants. Replacing rules with arbitrary discretion. Want visas? You know who to call and who to flatter.

just saw a tiktok from a disney adult reading from On Tyranny and asking their followers to cancel their d+ and disney trips omg

Polyamory for the extra underwear

You ever nod at a taco after you take the first bite?

Pedro Pascal is my supervisor at the mid-Atlantic Antifa factory.

Maybe this rapture will be different than the others

WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE INTENSE ONE

“Ass, grass, or gas?” I ask on my overnight shift at the ass, grass, or gas station.

*waves hand in disgust* god, it smells like tariffs in here

Forget the streamers. Grab yourself the Arrested Development box set and watch every episode with cast commentary on.

*me, checking my oil* oh no I need a longer dipstick

Fuck seatbelts. I’ve never been in a crash. Who needs em

I’m over on Instagram accidentally retweeting content like an 87 year old

It’s because you’re a bad person THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

I’m over on Instagram accidentally retweeting content like an 87 year old

“Ass, grass, or gas?” I ask on my overnight shift at the ass, grass, or gas station.

I don’t want to live in a world where Republicans have the final say on what’s funny.

Waiting on the bus to go to Antifa HQ

So, a university president fired a professor because they taught a course that discussed there being more than two genders, and now the university president is being fired for not having fired the professor quickly enough, is where we're at. www.nytimes.com/2025/09/18/u...

I'm here to remind you that there are a lot of wonderful things outside. What if you went on a quest to find out what makes them happy? I'm on drugs.

Welcome to the resistance, friends on my Disney account

Any and all creators, etc. currently working with Disney should be doing this—

*me, eating candy corn* this is fucking vile. Give me more

I’m going to fight the Bitcoin statue

Sometimes I’ll just say “no pun intended” when I’m done with a sentence and leave everyone bewildered

Today’s letters are FUBAR Brought to you by the Department of Education, Moms For Liberty, Turning Point USA, the Heritage Foundation, and hate-mongers like them

That wasn’t very Andor of you