now that im in my 40s i am really starting to appreciate and get into the genre of joke wherein you claim that your 50+ friends e.g. met Mark Twain, played exclusively stick and hoop as a child, were there for the first boat,

Gollum is actually a fairly average looking guy and is furious about how Peter Jackson depicted him

im a, end the gas station cashier interaction by eye-contact smiling while tapping the thing i just bought on the counter, kind of gal

the 90s video game ads that were like WELCOME TO A NEW ADDICTION: THIS GAME IS SO GOOD IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE

updating an old TTRPG module by changing out the Swamp Hag for a Swamp Bitch

i wonder how much longer the official measuring system of the United States will still be metric

when jobs for engineers have dried up and they're trying to recruit them to be call center customer service representatives

sometimes I wish it was more normal to go to the gas station for coffee in a bathrobe

Popeye should be allowed to touch his own penis, like and repost when you agree

THIS fuckin prichk THIS asshole, this dipshittery factory ON LEGS aith his UNAPPRAISING EYES just glazing over everything like the slime on a big catfish idiot hai r like a helmet spine like a [pool noodl;e HEY CHARLES get those DICK SUCKIN LIPS to work or GO THE fUCK HOMe

twitter is full of shitposting gaccounts named "asshole fish" and "piss filthdrinker" and "worm dipshit" bsky is full of shitposting accounts named "excellent penis" and "fun grandma" and "lydell e butser"

dream snips: was at a resort or something but making myself at home carrying out a plot looking for licorice chews but only getting weird candies from a hundred years ago renaming files to Return of the Jedi a sixteen bit computer crunchy bread sticks but with people's names in donut frosting

Keep hanging in there, we're about to all start doing cocaine when the 80s hits. Half of us are gonna get REALLY into wallstreet and the other half are gonna go to art school and start a genre defining band

merry cozy longest nights to ye

bar i used to work at had a regular who was fine 99% of the time, but if she got too drunk and there was a man she was attracted to, she would try to sneak behind him and poke him right on the anus

"to honk down on" gotta be in the top five verb constructions

one of life's little delights is opening up leftover cheesecake and licking your lips like a cartoon hobo

2023 on Bluesky had a wild online Summer of '69 type happening but unfortunately since then it's been the online 70s

the dumbest thing i love to sincerely believe is smart and true is that for the most part lawyers are just guessing

more like koichi sugmanuts

as a nearly thirty year laptop user, from an at-the-time obsolete monochrome 386 to my late 10s thinkpad, hooray! that laptops have finally become basically reliably good they're lightweight, performant, affordable- in the 90s you could have one half of one of those, then later you could have two

its just my habits, growing up in the land scattered with 19th century non-mormon utopian cult villages, founded by people that the descendants of Puritans kicked outta the east

my preferred weed store is cheap, friendly, and kind of janky. i love it

where did you come from, where did you go? where did you come from, jd vance couchfucking joke writer?

lydelle buster posts a full three hundred characters is it worth reading? will there be something delightful in there? a continuation of another joke? or has she wasted yr time yet again, causing you to feel like you hate her, more and more, but guess what: that's love, idiot, you love me now. moron

on earth one cube marge cube bouvier-simpson-buster-bouvier(divorced) four marges per one marge! moron schools teach one marge (simpson) but four marges (pre-simpson, homer years, lydelle years, post-lydelle) in cycle of marge means 4 marges wise-ass says "three marges, combine bouviers" <-an idiot

over the months i have seen many ppl come on here with display names like 'crap idiot fucker' or 'piss moron' who have since changed them to i.e. 'poster of posters', 'fun cute stanislaw', 'piss genius' and i love it, i love seeing that happen here,

the message: WAUUGGH-FNEHHH

every time i see the one does not simply walk into Mordor meme I want to repost giving a ghonst a handjob

trying a new bagel sandwich technique: - toast bagel - while toasting, assemble fillings - put fillings, butter, and so on, on bagel quickly - wrap in aluminum foil and let sit for a bit this melts the butter and cheese without dampening the toasted crisp, as a microwave might

the age of the comedy thriller

an old TV ad for Spanish language tapes has stuck in my head forever that you can say "that's what it is" by spelling SOCKS

a movie where every man is named Bill and no one comments on this and it's very confusing for the viewer

You heard about this? You seen this?

"the presidential lemon party tape is real" doesn't have the same snappy scansion

"the piss tape is real" feels so incredibly quaint now

dream snip: gotta crack an egg in half and leave it in the fire to get in

no joke, i’m seriously concerned that The Ooze That Makes You Mad is real

decided to see what this game was all about and oops a video game is giving me all these complicated wet eye feelings

unironically bring irc back

if section 230 sundowning wrecks the internet find me on the MUDs i guess

i'll be fine- no one's ever been mad at me!

oh boy! i hope we win!! :D

glanced at a thread on X (on xcancel) about Pluribus and man, it's dire. Wall-to-wall paid blue checks, and like five or six people stumbling over themselves to post the Rick and Morty Plumbus

i don't think i've ever owned anything with a lifetime warranty before. feels powerful: if my headphones break, there's warehouses full of em that they'll use to replace them, for free, and all i have to do is mail them the broken headphones

just about any other president in history reschedules weed down to III, and you'd have smoking parties in the streets, free hash handed out on street corners, cheech marin and tommy chong paraded around on a massive palanquin that people keep gently setting down and wandering off from,

the Cookie's Bustle nonsense continues ... the blueksy account @romhack.ing got suspended over it this time

Something Awful thread on Pluribus: people keep pointing out that its kinda weird that some people frequently strongly condemn a black character, but not a white character doing the same thing- but without calling anyone out one poster keeps quoting those with e.g. "show me where i said that", lol