This guy must be studied

One toasted everything bagel with peanut butter, please

Will Stancil? Yeah more like I will wait until he falls asleep and then I “will stencil” a fat pair of stinky balls on his forehead. Got his ass! The dirt bag left strikes again

People are always saying this!!

Just learned about Pro Beach Hockey, a six team league that existed from 1998 through 2000, one of which were called the Web Warriors. Crazy how going on the computer was cool and new enough to name a team in an upstart sports league after, at one point

Buying the 2TB Steam Machine w/ controller bundle so I can play the Bejeweled demo on my TV

Came up with this while pooping youtu.be/IQEiDYJjcXg?...

I’m the guy who invented putting a finger up a girl’s butt a little bit when she’s riding u and I have received $0 in residual income for it

Penis! Expel my urine

People talk about Benny and The Jets! But what about Jenny and the bets??

Teen takeovering my bathroom. Just knocking the towel off the rack and onto the floor and leaving it there. Total chaos

*Richard Dawkins voice* when Lil B said “bitches suck my dick because I look like J.K. Rowling”, what did he mean?

I was sitting on the toilet a minute ago, taking a big shit, when I thought of a post. I hope you like it! Here it is: Presenter on stage at The Food Awards: “And the nom-nom-nominees are

Don Toliver is America’s Beatles. Don could write “I wanna hold your hand” but Lennon-McCartney could not write “we laugh all day like Dumber and Dumber”

As a valor-stealing fake Marine, I find this absolutely fucking disgusting. how dare u Hazel. That spot is for Me. I didn’t get my purple heart in uhhh.. that one country, just to be treated like a second-class citizen

Fine. FINE. If nobody else will take her up on her offer, then I volunteer to be Emily Ratajkowski‘s boyfriend www.thecut.com/article/emil...

food is truly the chow of life

Squidward fucked around and wound up in da backrooms 😫😣

Thinking about buying this

Good morning! 🌅 I have poisoned the breakfast of one of my followers. Hope it wasn’t yours!

*highest I’ve ever been voice* let me get aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa burger with teen cream

Happy 40th birthday to “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, the least problematic movie ever made

I have figured out how we can have all the benefits of agentic and generative AI, without the need for large, expensive, disruptive data centers. But I will not tell anyone how

CORONER: This is Jane Doe, aged 18 to 25. Cause of death is assumed to be blunt force trauma to the back of her head, pending autopsy. Her uvula had recently been removed, similar to all the other recent victims SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR: Now h’why would somebody go and do a dang fool thing like that??

New yorkers love waiting in a Big Dumb Line. Just tell them there’s a freakin’ cronut waiting for them at the end of it!! 😅😂🤣

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. could NOT be me, bro 😂🤣

Faith Ordway beat me to death with a heavy rubber hose challenge

There’s this adorable little farm operation straight out of Stardew Valley near out house. It was only kinda sorta open on account of their summer harvest not being ready yet, so they set some stuff out for you to buy and make your own change, honor system style. Living in the sticks goes crazy

*takes a huge sip of coffee and holds it in his mouth without swallowing* Backrooms. why do you ask

I took this chick out to a fancy restaurant, I asked her “eyy whaddaya wanna eat?”. She goes “I want proteeeein, what’s high in proteeeein here?“ I said why don’t you suck the protein out of my BIG HAIRY BALLS ya dumb bitch!! this has been an example of how not to act on a date

Are you brave enough to take a sip of the ultimate beverage?

This is none of my business

Does anybody know why I posted this one year ago today? This isn’t a quiz, I genuinely can’t remember

Doing the “Backrooms” Challenge after work tonight (eating five hot dogs while watching “Backrooms” at my local multiplex w/o shitting my pants)

wife & I went to our local Ace Hardware for some gardening stuff and I bought myself my very first ever pack of baseball cards. Got a Joe Boyle and a Chandler Simpson! Was hoping for a Jonathan Aranda (cool hair) or a Junior Caminero (sounds like the Canyonero from “The Simpsons”), maybe next time

Dick falls off

You’ve probably wondered what Jerry Seinfeld & his “Seinfeld” buddies would be like if they were Gen Zers in 2026. Well, they’d probably be something like this!… George: Jerry, these pretzels have me gagged and gooped! Jerry: Gagged AND gooped? George: I’m Gagged! & gooped! Kramer: JERRY IT’S A NI

A movie called “Backrooms”? What’s next? A movie called freakin’ “Bathrooms”?? 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

what the actual fuck

Turn on your comments u coward

Drop someone DRINKING 🍺🧋🖤🍷🍹

we're getting girl drink drunk tonight

#1 prank of all time, not even close. They got us real good

Kyle Busch, you were skilled at driving your candy car very fast… but not fast enough to escape death!! 🏁💀