C̵͉͘r̸̜̉e̷̟̓d̴̥͘d̵̥͘d̸̪̃d̸̝̂ḯ̴̜t̶͉̓ ̴͙̂c̶̠͝a̷͇̓r̵̛͉r̷͎̃r̵̦͘d̷͔́?̷͉̈́ ̶͙͝y̴̢̛ȯ̵͔u̷̙͊ ̷̥̔g̴̥̽o̴̲̾t̷̫̀ṫ̵̩ṫ̸̜t̷̡̀ ̴̺̊i̶̢̽t̸͉̏ţ̶̅t̵̥̀t̶͉̾ṱ̴̅t̴̘̽t̵̯̑

My dog Coco wants you to have a Happy Happy and a Merry Merry

🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 Ernest Saves 🕯 Christmas 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯 🕯

I’m pulling my butt cheeks open. Respectfully

ChatGPT fucked my bitch

Damn. I just had this idea. Somebody beat me to it 😤

Today, 12/4/2025, is the tenth anniversary of the release of “A Very Murray Christmas” on Netflix. If that means anything to you

The moral of the story of “Christmas with The Kranks” is that it is correct to celebrate Christmas and it is incorrect to not celebrate Christmas

Not pictured: dippy cup of gravy

Brownie Mountain’s gone and now there’s nothing left All is game on the desert plane Fudgy ripples swirling through your wandering soul All is lost in your melted brain Praise be to our perfect chocolate god We worship you until the day we die Yaaaaaaaaaaaa

Season 2 Episode 28 - Frame 18 out of 2785

Ohhhhhhh gimme the beat, boys, & free my soul I wanna get shot from the grassy knoll I’m JFK

We are currently in a weather pattern here in Pennsylvania that I can only describe as “everything is wet all the time even though it doesn’t appear to have ever rained”

The only wagon I wanna see is your mother’s big fat ass!!!

I truly believe that this is the funniest thing that has ever been posted to the internet. Not an all-timer; *thee* uncontested all-timer

I’m gone off that shit that gives Santa Claus his superpowers

Goo goo ga ga, I a baby

I miss Publix fried chicken 😤

I love “PSA warning you against slam dunking a frozen solid turkey into a 55 gallon drum filled to the tippy top full of screaming hot, boiling peanut oil” season

Cleepa

Had a dream that I shot footage of Jason Isbell smacking around Amanda Shires in the parking lot of a shopping center and became computer famous for posting it on here

I got a bad bitch that looks like the Pingu walrus

Just think, some video game superfan out there who would have otherwise been able to play GTA VI in May, won’t be able to ever play it at all, because they will die prior to its delayed November release. lmao

Is Scott Adams dead yet?

This Donald Trump guy… starting to think he’s a real crumb bum

NEW Kool-Aid™ Rippin’ Dippers! In all your favorite flavors! Rip ‘em! Dip ‘em! Gip ‘em & gump ‘em or dip ‘em & dunk ‘em, there’s no wrong way to NEW Kool-Aid™ Rippin’ Dippers! It’s time to pop that pussy ALLLLLLLL the way open! with NEW KOOL-AID™ RIPPIN’ DIPPERS!!! by Northrop Grumman

Brooke Shields? Uh what’s next, Brooke fuckin’.. swords ⚔️ fuck idk, fuck. shit. I’m no good at this

“Black Phone 2”, you were a smelly, poop-filled diaper of a movie. I SHIT on you!!! 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩

Caribbean cream Now we‘re creamin’ the same jeans I don’t know how the melody goes after this part

Me warming up my hands before applying medicated cream to my penis

Creamed my dick up again

I got medicated cream all over my dick. You can’t tell me nothin right now. Oh the White House is being physically dismantled? Don’t care, my dick is creamed up

Wrong. A tree is brown, sometimes white, most of the time they are tree colored. Not blue. Better luck next time

This happened six years ago

Getting my goo up

Jeffrey Toobin was suspended from the New Yorker for crankin’ his dick during an internal Zoom call five years ago today

Going to No Kings tomorrow, I’m tryna clap some cheeks 🍆🍑

Jesus fed HOW many people with a few loaves of bread and a couple fish? HOW many thousands?? Bro. Be serious right now. u sound dumb as hell

Season 2 Episode 24 - Frame 5262 out of 5296

Is Scott Adams dead yet

So I heard this Lostprophets guy got killed in prison, where he‘s serving 29 years for crimes including, but not limited to, the attempted rape of a baby. What happened? Did the baby fight back? … *thumps microphone* I said, “What happened? Did the baby fight back?”

Spending a half day eating my way through New York City today. Lunch at Thai Diner, followed by Loxfest at the South Street Seaport, followed by a slice of pizza from L’industrie, assuming there isn’t a crazy long line

Irish People Try Braised Beef Short Ribs

Rodney Dangerfield might have driven a car

I just copped a pair of tix for The Aimee Mann & @tedleo.bsky.social Christmas Show feat. @pftompkins.bsky.social at City Winery in NYC next month which I will be *driving to* from northeast PA and this can not be real? How do I live two hours from NYC?? I can just go there whenever now???

I was the DJ in Incubus 25 years ago. That “whkawhka-ahhh” sound in “Pardon Me”? That was me. I am worth 600 billion dollars

🎶 so momma, if you please pass me the pork roll, egg, and cheese if u pleeze, on a kaiser bun 🎵