Happy International Men’s Day to like five of them

idk how to flirt i just let my autism flare up until she lets me kiss her

squirrel: *points gun* me: what do you want me to do? squirrel: *gestures at sign* me: alright, i get it *opens book drop* squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion* me: NOT A SQUIRREL! squirrel: *disappears into book drop* me: *whispers* forgive me, keith

The humblebrag isn’t even “I’m having a lot of sex” It’s “LOOK at this fucking calendar, I rule”

I always play up “lol polyamory is so complicated” to my vanilla/neurotypical friends, but real talk, no it isn’t, I ace this shit, have you seen me with a calendar?? Now add sex YEAH Live for this shit

When your girlfriend fucks the dysphoria out of you

Ultimately the only way I’d ever except AI art is if it’s from an autonomous being able to interact with society pulling from their experiences as the Lieutenant Commander of the USS Enterprise.

Who cares if you got stubble Cute girls got stubble

do you have any fucking idea how fucking insane it is that the country is dictated by the whims of a cabal of dementia addled pedophiles while literally every person i know and talk to is two audiobooks away from being a card carrying communist

The president blew a horse but sure let’s just keep going to work

Presented without comment

Just think If we’d elected Hillary we’d have zero presidents who have blown Bill Clinton

oh fuck oh no hotttttt 🥵

Why does every presidential corruption scandal revolve around Deep Throat?

Please, Gromit.

Getting hornier as a coping mechanism.

I’m like if Robin Williams was a grandma and we literally already have that movie so what I’m saying is there are quite a few Doubtfire Eaters out there

My last job felt like I worked there for decades (derogatory) and my current job feels like I’ve worked there for decades (complimentary)

bluesky is where the pretty girls are 🏳️‍⚧️

holy fuck does my algorithm get me

I love that this is how I heard the news

Suddenly hitting me why heist movies are comfort movies I’m autistic and it’s just nice to see people make a plan and then do the plan

Pokémon Go down on him

god it is so sad that this whole time he’s thought that the only thing he’s done that will keep him out of heaven is the dick in his mouth

(me after seeing Disney’s Hall of Presidents exhibit) Well well well if it isnt the Blowjob Brothers

I NEED A TRUMP PRESSER WHERE A REPORTER ASKS HIM IF HE SWALLOWED RIGHT TO HIS FACE IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYONE

make a plan do the plan till I die

the fuck you up to today ding dong

Another Bill Clinton blow job story??? Hollywood will reboot ANYTHING to avoid investing in original screenplays

We need to remove the stigma around masturbatory art Keep jerkin’ n flickin’, artists

cute girls trading pictures of us being cute because it’s fun to be cute!

It is very fun to fall in love and instantly discuss the sort of annoying power couple you both are about to be part of 🤭

presidents are blowing presidents, can we finally just be gay already

what is my podcast

It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.

Me to my shadow every day

My partner wanted to see “boymode” pictures of me in my youth but declared that every single one is MAJOR enby vibes 🥰🥰🥰

Motion to erase every aspect of Thanksgiving other than reflecting on what you are grateful for and MST3K Turkey Day

I think most artists hit a point where they’re like, well if I can’t be the best artist, I shall be the most ME artist.

i guess we know what trump meant by Big Beautiful Bill now

You know estrogen is magic because the ways it makes you look like a girl are ethereal and impossible to pin down.

Bill Clinton's dick is the lament configuration that has cursed american politics for the entirety of my lifetime

up up and I’m gay

if he goes tonight I’ll finish the whole fuckin album

this is a major blow from trump

Although many people are saying it, I do not believe our current president sucked off former president Bill Clinton on camera. I have not seen sufficient evidence that our current president gave the former president a blowie in a way that was memorialized in a photo. That's not something I believe.

what if he just says “yeah and I was good at it” and all magas start sucking each otherses’ dicks

Sucks the Cat (I’M DOING THE CLASSICS ORAL SAX DICK DONALD’S)