twomps

“my music is over your head” - me to the guy whose attic is my studio 🥁

*family guy theme*

me when people tell me to stop doing kinky shit

Why do I have a sudden hankering to see a much more realistic rendition of the CGI in the film Air Force One?

Have you got your song cued up? open.spotify.com/track/29qUZY...

a bitchy “nobody likes you,” deployed with precision, has felled empires

My single “Dreamseed” drops 1/26/25!

I don’t think my hundreds of girlfriends would like the way you are treating me

guess what gang 👀 📞🏹🎯

Keep being clowns They want us starting shit Not laughing in their dumb faces

Tired of hearing I have “childlike wonder” because money is fake and jobs are dumb

Be happy You either make other people happy too or they get mad you’re happy and make the silliest faces Win-win

i wish 🏳️‍⚧️

Please stop regarding me as a person with agency, I am simply a machine that generates witty dialogue until you leave

And now I’m crying 😭

oh shit have I NOT dropped some nerdcore for a minute hmm

uh if the beatles had a song about coming together I think I would of heard it

sorry about the faint sounds of violent hateful crygooning in the background of every track but all musicians gotta have a roommate when they start

Sorry you think this shit’s lame It’s only the meaning of life or whatever

I’m so excited for the post-Internet revolution

Share a television show that raised you.

explaining jokes is a no-no but I’d rather you get the point is get off the Internet It is nothing to be proud of Do real things Bye

I love BlueSky because none of my friends are on it 🥰 it’s like a private place where I can write all my personal thoughts ☺️ oh yuck I just tripped over a stack of blank notebooks SEE YA 🗑️

Friendly reminder I wrote this song for when they do! Yay! Hope they keep it up while I’m gone! Better listen fast! open.spotify.com/track/157t4P...

maybe lukewarm take but I love the upgrade of Internet movie title formatting from Jaws to JAWS (1975) because MOVIES ARE EXCITING and WE SHOULD SHOUT ABOUT THEM and also DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HOW EXCITING YEARS ARE

And this is not some “you shoulda figured out you’re queer and poly as a kid” and especially if you’re not those things But being queer and poly sure makes you THINK ABOUT LOVE and y’all gotta think about it WAY WAY MORE

I keep forgetting you can blast Disney songs to ruin Nazis’ livestreams which is weird considering my Demonetizemobile already features Ariel at full blast on my way to work every morning so might as well drive-by a dork if I can 😊

hey shout out to the people who found me early say you knew me back when (this site is bought by Nazis before I even crack 1K)

it suuuuucks you have to WANT to leave a cult dear god can you turn free will off and turn it on again gotta reboot that thing every hundo years ya know

“money is a tool” uh YOU’RE the tool *crowd erupts with sex*

reconciling “everyone deserves a chance, kumbaya” with “I did the work like a decade ago and I am EXHAUSTED waiting for everyone else to figure out how to love and live while they *act* like they’ve come so far when they are quite clearly Still Shitheads™” is exhausting and hurts and ow I’m done

☺️

clocked I can’t turn it off

Why? Why do we have to do it this way? Why do we have to talk AROUND THEM because they’re too afraid of sincerity to talk TO us?

What if karma wakes up tomorrow like “oh wow sorry I overslept” and just DOES ITS THING

I never get clocked as a spooky girlie, but real talk, obsession with time travel is just obsession with death in a lab coat

For hating burqas a lotta Trumpsters sure do wear them

No one will liberate us besides ourselves

“LOL Billie you’re so immature you only know stuff from movies” I’m sorry the frog scene from Dante’s Peak or the “just one ant” scene from A Bug’s Life or all of Gremlins 2 prepared me for 2025 What prepared you

Being so serious, just hearing people circa season 2 be all “There’s 150 characters but only one will SIT IN A CHAIR!!!” and I thought “Okay it probably won’t be the one I like so I’m good” Anyway did you all like who got in the chair or

hey frogs they’re boiling us LFH

If money was the only way to get bitches I assure you I would have zero but if we check the scoreboard 💅 it doesn’t appear to be

This is why I never got into Game of Thrones

Animated Dilbert had a mouth and I must scream

Picturing some guy on the sets of License To Wed and Leatherheads just never shutting up about how cool the CIA is

The most important stat in comedy is charm, and buddy, your material is SOLID

Sucks we’re gonna need someone to finish the job that McDonald’s and KFC started

My new song “Samuel” is out now! open.spotify.com/album/1wbP06...

you know this guy is a FOR REAL photographer because he's telling the story of his brutal, unconditional arrest by federal goons and can't help but slip in a gear review