ME, EVERY SINGLE MONDAY, 6:45AM:

This is what I look like lmao bsky.app/profile/koth...

Heavy Petting 64

Super Blood Meridian 64

Pliny The Elder 64

I find I feel a lot better after I drink 5 beer in 90 minutes.

$7800 sim racing rig that doubles as a sex swing (incredible force feedback)

stumbled upon an amazing website

Is Kirby a blue mage?

Santas gonna WHAT down the chimney

On your first day in Canadian prison, walk up to the biggest guy you can find and don't say "sorry" to him.

A secret way to immediately endear any canadian to you is the simple phrase: tim hortons sure isnt what it used to be There is not a live canadian that can resist the call to arms to talk shit about modern day tim hortons. Its like throwing grains at the feet of leprechaun.

*knocking as i enter* hope everyone's got their feet covered up.

Wearing 22oz raw denim jeans to the pool and turning the water a beautiful shade of indigo

Nobody 2 was a lot of fun. Not as good as the first one and a bit cringey in spots but pretty great. Most of the criticism I've seen is that its just a beat for beat rehash of the first one in a different setting and my response to that is 'so what loser?'

Trailer Park Boys has time all time great bits and one of my favs is how the cast reacts mostly with irritation at getting shit rather than pain or alarm. 'im fucken shot!'

The only hero who never let me down is the late, the great, Burt Gummer.

Honeying my toes and hanging my feet over the dock to catch eels. One day I will achieve a Perfect 10

Im a little workin man today. Covered in grime, climbing around on all fours. Thriving.

sorry but tabby katsparov is inherently funny

would you still work for me if I were a worm?

Describing my excretions as a marvelously flavourful and complex marinade and getting banned from the gym for life.

A few years ago during an online xmas party for work HR learned a very valuable lesson when we played 'Celebrity Crush' and fully 75% of the men I work with gave deeply unsettling teenaged options.

[Guy who is wrong] There's no right answer really

My cousin Max Perfect

Saying 'oh fuck yeah' out loud when I see a 30 minute video about making a leather axe sheathe. Friday night bitch we party

i went to a liberal coffee shop and ordered charlie kirk's favourite drink. after 40 minutes of waiting i asked the barista, who had blue hair & was a gender studies major, where my order was. 'we gave it to the sewer man', she said. i looked and there was a sewer man MORAL: there was a sewer man

If I was hiking in the woods and saw this comin down the trail at me I am certain it would trigger my fight or flight. Best case scenario, i flee screaming. Worst case, I'm disposing of a body and getting rid of a perfectly good ax bsky.app/profile/meo....

I feel like Catch 22 is one of the most obviously leftist books just bc the protagonist is a smart guy who understands the insanity around him in perfect clarity, but nobody takes him seriously because it's also turned him into a miserable, high-strung neurotic And what's more leftist than that

-Kind and empathetic are the strongest things you can be, dont squander it on those who embrace hatred and division -Sleep before you make big life decisions -Dont work any harder than you have to for an employer -Dont half ass caring for the people you love bsky.app/profile/imlu...

just took a look at my starbucks cup and its just a picture of someone spitting on rambo as he comes off the plane from vietnam???

TIL about the illustrator Gregory Blackstock, famous for his "visual lists" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregory...

Smuggling a family bucket of KFC into the opera

starting to worry that computers might be imperfect

there is a man standing outside YOUR door right now. he's holding a medieval poleax and he's going to rip you to absolute shreds with it. please subscribe to my newsletter for more updates about the man

Jimmy Fallon fails to meet the moment and ---- we interrupt this program to bring you more breaking news. Two plus two continues to be four

I find it sickly gratifying that being a Disney Adult is now OFFICIALLY and incontrovertibly a moral failing now. Ive always thought that but now its official.

It took me 25 full minutes to cancel disney+ because their busted ass website kept crashing. I feel like this would be less of an issue if it didn't load FIVE different pages after you said cancel with 'are you sure?' 'are you really sure?' 'but look at all this marvel slop youre missing?'

As fascism creeps across the globe Canada, predictably, is quick to chime in 'Me too Me too!' torontosun.com/news/nationa...

If we all synchronise our movements just right we can produce a dazzling visual illusion that disorients and confuses all predators

Guy came up to me today. This guys a real piece of work. Got the roaming countenance of a vanguard. You know the type. Anyways, get this, keep mind i can see right thru this guy. The man's got a nature most disquieted, dude. Plain as day. So he comes up and keep in mind im not buying it but he goes

Advertising is mostly bullshit but every now and then I do buy a cheese that brings my family together.

Waving at a bear because I feel like we’re spiritual equals but the bear knows the truth and prepares to return me to the wheel wiser.

Dear Mr. Lumet: Attached are my notes on the latest draft of the script. You’ll notice I’ve changed the title to “11 Angry Men” and introduced a new character named “Surfer Mike”. We cannot show him physically smoking marijuana but there are ways this can be implied.

Self conscious about my nooks but very proud of my crannies

Name: Terrible Rat Man Age: 37 Height: Rat Height Sex: Male Turn Ons: Hot babes, sexy women, voluptuous honeys, good lookin chicks Turn Offs: Personal Hygiene, equality

Marmalade Update: Marmo is having Sink Time

I know a lot about toilets (ive seen thousands) and let me just say, you dont need a cadillac to have a satisfying experience. The American Standard base-mounted vitreous china unit with a 1.6 gallon flush simply cant be beat. Truly the Corolla of cans. Put 300k miles on it and shes hungry for more