You can get sober and still carry a cool flask, that’s what M&M minis are for

there is absolutely no reason that a post needs to be good

the only "2fa" i wanna deal with is 2 fuckin' 'amburgers

Hat Club for Men

No one better make me rue this day

A Handjob's Tale

painting my nails and daydreaming about cute guys in my Chamber of Horrors

Hat Club for Men

bed term

imitation crab is the sincerest form of flattery crab

I don't have a "side hustle" because I am not a crab

if i was a deer in the headlights I'd respond with swiftness and grace

introducing the all new Penis 2

i wish i was a cartoon fox so men would find me attractive

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i wish i was a cartoon fox so men would find me attractive

there used to be some cool people in the world, now it's all just dinguses

Tbf, if a rat crawled under my hat and started controlling me, I wouldn’t even care. Take the wheel, rat daddy

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag. KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense. KOKO: jealousy professor

*riding my unicorn through the taco bell drive-thru*

as an adult and accomplished person who has succeeded at several important things in life, whenever i am challenged with a new dilemma, i like to take two steps back, gather my breath and say "are you fuckin kidding me right now, what the fuck"

it's always funny when a rich person is unhappy

check out these little guys

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of your crush is tame a wild horse

Quesadilla Dreamin'

edible panties but it's quesadilla so i can have a little snack while I'm walking around

anyway here's my boobs and my normal face venmo @Harpy_Party cashapp $harpypartyy (two ys) ko-fi.com/harpyparty (if you want)

Falls ihr für den 31.12. Vorbereitungen treffen möchtet

every day the dog thinks the mailman is here to murder us and every day he doesn't do it. maybe tomorrow tho

snow day! if you are able tips are greatly appreciated! venmo @Harpy_Party cashapp $harpypartyy (two ys)

#bigsupernaturalssaturday venmo @ harpy_party cashapp $harpypartyy (two ys)

i don't want to wake up today

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it's always funny when a rich person is unhappy

*riding my unicorn through the taco bell drive-thru*

people just don't dress up all fancy and jump a motorcycle over things like they used to

meh

i hope he dies on camera

I'm glad i live on a time where hot babes are allowed to be geniuses

I'm glad the president looks like shit

I'm glad i live on a time where hot babes are allowed to be geniuses

i make-a da pizza pie

my sister took a picture of me on my motorcycle

oh forgot to mention that i brought an apple to give to my sister's pig. sound on for happy munching