If you have zero cats and are thinking about changing that, I highly recommend adopting a bonded pair of adults! It's actually easier than just one adult cat b/c they keep each other engaged.

every week I receive an email that sounds like this more or less, and I immediately delete it with extreme prejudice: “Introducing AI Argle-Bargle Integration with BugNutsBuddy!”

I know Calvin’s dad is already having a moment, but every terrible “outsource precious and fleeting moments with your children to tech so that you can spend more time on your work” pitch makes me think of that one strip I never really cared about as a kid, but care a lot about as an adult.

the warriors will come out and play. we'll have a dog day evening at last. the right thing will be done. we'll have not just the shaft but also the balls (?). saturday night fever broken at last

if the knicks win for the first time since 1973 we're bringing back subway graffiti and kicking out all the oligarchs investing in unused midtown terrace lofts. times square will revert to its natural roots as a porn emporium

I regret to inform myself that I am at an age where wearing the right shoes improves my quality of life by at least 85% and that I must get rid of all the wrong shoes.

Stephen King: We've all been there, standing there missing most of the fingers on one hand on an alien beach, listening to the dadachick and dudachunk of the other crustaceans approaching. Dean Koontz: my dog once got nipped on the paw by a little crab

I’m known as the Yoda of my office in that I’m 900 years old and live in a bog

Whatever happens in the afterlife, I hope there's a hammond organ just tearing it up.

CDC: 9 cases now confirmed in deadly Listeria outbreak linked to soft cheese. Infections have been identified in New York, Maryland, and Virginia, with a death in Maryland. Read more: ow.ly/ACPP50Zac5c

The place I donate blood gives points that you can exchange for gas cards which means I actually know the current exchange rate of blood for oil. Blood is going for 20.618 times an equivalent amount of oil.

Kids today will never believe they made potato chips that caused anal leakage.

Burger King is just a ceremonial title, the Burger Prime Minister is the actual head of state

dad made his fascist-ass younger brother furious last night and got told off for all the things on the trump-branded and probably gold-plated fascist checklist of grievances 🙄 anyway, dad’s attitude continues to be FUCK THAT

if youre not on the race riot app you are living in a bubble, you have to contribute financially and provide free labor to the race riot generator or else you are in a bubble

“if you died nothing in my life would change”: a twitter exchange about a pizza “face god and walk backwards into hell”: a dril tweet about hollering at zoo animals “you cannot kill me in a way that matters”: a tumblr shitpost about mushrooms

Earlier today an old, old man in walmart told me I need prayer. I should have clocked his tie covered in crosses and taken evasive action, but I was too slow.

please stop

My favorite conspiracy theory is that the number of chain pulls to turn off a fan changes every time

if a tree falls in the forest and i set fire to your car do you really care about the tree

While everyone is up in arms about CBS, and rightfully so, a reminder: support your local news networks. Local papers especially.

museums send us your jugs

People who didn’t agree with the Nazis but kept their heads down in the Third Reich because they feared for their jobs, lives, families—probably the majority of the population!—were Nazis, too. Fear does not give you a moral blank check. What’s required of us is not always easy or even survivable.

Every reporter who interviews him moving forward should just keep telling him, “but there’s no evidence of that…” so we can watch him implode on national television again lol

got so angry about rural broadband bullshit that I wrote a letter that’s gonna be published in our weekly rural newspaper this week 😬

i think pedophiles are bad sorry if this offense you

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead to their conservative families but running a lovely antique shop in vermont

A literacy crisis means people are struggling to UNDERSTAND what they are reading, not that people can't necessarily read.

Remember how you used to just know everyone’s phone number? Then cell phones came out and you could barely recite your own number? That’s what AI’s endgame is but for every aspect of your life.

when you're about to have the worst restaurant sitting experience of your life because they hate hips and fat, beautiful asses

"Gish Gallop" is a debating term for an opponent who makes so many claims that "it's impossible to address them in the time available" (it's named for Creationist Duane Gish): en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gish_ga... I think about the Gish Gallop whenever I'm asked to comment on AI. 1/

[LinkedIn email] You'd be a great fit for [junior level role in the field I've spent the last decade leading teams doing] with [company that sounds made up]!

We need more rich people with normal interests like "your movie sounds neat" instead of, like, white fertility rates.

Reassured my sobbing nephew that the Cowardly Lion couldn’t really wrap an elephant up in “cellophant” without opposable thumbs.

omg stop talking about twitter

GOLDWATER FOR PRESIDENT apparently

Here’s the thing about violence against women: if you’re a guy who has been credibly accused of violence against a single woman, I am going to assume there are 9 other abused women who are too frightened to speak out. It makes not trusting wife beaters the easiest call in the world.

"The funniest possible outcome of the AI mandate era is about to be HR departments discovering that 'sincerely held religious belief' under Title VII has a much lower bar than they assumed, and Pope Leo handed every Catholic employee a written excuse" www.businessinsider.com/worker-got-r...

read discworld

just read the words “…and his faithful dog, Knucklehead” and I may never be the same

both love and hate how *every single photo* of sam altman looks like he is trying to remember why he walked into the kitchen

Nobody who has ever spent more than ten minutes around actual cows could possibly want anything to do with raw milk

thisssssssss

listen, I don't know about anyone else, but I legit think The White House becoming a carnival is fucking hilarious and amazing.

Most of us can't conceive of how much money $1 billion is. One person having that kind of money is obscene.

There is something brutally psychically injurious to being constantly told "just do good work and you'll be successful" while watching people who do the most dogshit work possible do all the succeeding.

time flies when you are dissociating

The fucking best. First time a had them my ass thought the man said "bald penis" and was confused until I opened the bag