Seemingly intelligent people summarizing the trump experience in calm and measured tones, using 10-cent words to give gravitas to his syphilitic nonsense as if the whole fucking thing isn't moose tits crazy

If you watched two or more episodes of Crank Yankers, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

This cartoon by Naked Pastor is SO GOOD. Sums up what I’ve been saying for ages about what happens when you start gatekeeping womanhood (and spoiler alert it’s the opposite of feminism).

Remember 7th grade gym when the coach said, "Okay, we're doing wind sprints," and some of the guys groaned but the only noise you and your nerd buddies made was, "What the fuck are wind sprints?"

been with bluesky for a couple of years now but it’s been going down on me so often it feels like we just started dating

[gently waking my mom] I think I left my duelling glove at speed dating last night

Banner day! Finally needed the magnet on my grabber!

Convinced Meemaw she was on Celebrity Sponge Bath with John Stamos.

Somebody feed the hamsters.

Thought it over, and this is the funniest shot in any movie ever

During the battle I threw a javelin and it somehow speared 3 guys in a row like a kebab. Now everyone's making a big deal out of it and watching to see if I do it again. I swear it was an accident

As an adult, I have made peace with the idea that my parents must have had sex, but as an only child, I am comforted by the fact that it was just the one time.

Just invented a new kind of revolving door with a horizontal axis instead of a vertical one. Not only is it inconvenient and dangerous, it's also considerably more expensive.

#CapeCod #Poetry #Painting #Spring It is morning, and again I am the lucky person to be in it Mary Oliver 🎨 Kaoru Yamada

Sorry I yelled “FINISH HIM” at your son’s circumcision

Open message to any squirrels that might be reading this: It's OK to let me approach you, I mean you no harm, in fact I believe we could one day become powerful allies

you know what else is soft on crime? gravy.

Back then, life was cheap and toys were scarce. Before the Slinky, a favored tot might shuffle off a lower regarded sibling’s mortal coil for amusement. Mama and Papa could make more.

Pope Paul Kersey please.

I miss Evel Knievel. He would just jump over some shit and fix all this.

reverse cowgirl, so you can keep your eyes on the road

Great article comparing wood soaps in latest “Ventriloquist Monthly.”

Shark wondering where victim got this nose punching idea.

JD Vance should speak on behalf of more evil motherfuckers

I hate that saying “if you know you know” because no I don’t know

Yesterday I bought some half n half that’s good until Guy Fawkes Day and that gives me hope for the future

The call of dog

Tired (expensive): plug-in air freshener Wired (cheap): two Downy sheets on the back of a box fan

I suppose everyone else already knew that Taylor Dearden, maybe the best of the younger cast in THE PITT, is Bryan Cranston's daughter.

aw heck i ate the whole gummy

If someone says eschew, I’ll answer with gesundheit. I've got nothing but time.

my sister was making a BLT without mayo so I said "you're really just gonna have an unlubricated sandwich?" and now she's mad at me

I Know Why the Caged Bird Drags a Tin Cup Against Her Bars ~ working title

The Denims - The Ghost in Your House is Me [U.S., Garage Rock] (1966) https://redd.it/199evt7 https://youtu.be/wqbyE74bZew

brought to you by the same species that landed on the moon

I wear black hoping the ravens will accept me as one of their own

Studies show most people are unprepared for me to suddenly lunge at them

My cares and woes no longer fit in the overhead compartment.

it's time to have the drug talk with my son and i'm really nervous because i still haven't paid him for the last ounce

Saw a carnie flicking a cigarette at a teenager today. Nature is healing.

#CapeCod #Poetry #Painting #Spring It is morning, and again I am the lucky person to be in it Mary Oliver 🎨 Kaoru Yamada

[my mom in a Mexican restaurant] What are these? - Nachos Then whose are they?

Cats are great if you wanna see the contents of an animal's stomach without special equipment

Mark Grantham (Canadian, b.1966) "Exquisite Timing (South Park, Halifax)," 2024 Acrylic on board

well well well, if it isn't me, my biggest distraction

We moved a hop, skip, and a jump away from my elderly parents to discourage them from just popping in.