I’m enjoying a nice fire and listening to the coyotes. Being outside hasn’t been too bad, though a neighbor tried to give me eggs “fresh from the chicken butt”, but I already have too many eggs

Me: asks direct question My anxiety 0.3 seconds later: everyone hates you and you should move into the woods

I’m venturing outside in the daylight for the first time in… weeks? Months? Please clap

spice it up in the bedroom with horseradish follow me for more relationship tips

emotionally unavailable gas station pizza

maybe I'll post a selfie. maybe I'll walk into the sea.

Can't believe I gave up the swamp hag life for this bullshit

i dig you but not repost your sports posts dig you

When I’m 70, I want to be as young as Geena Davis.

Give me a shower that's a car wash for a person.

I yap too much but I feel borderline euphoric when I'm mysterious

🫠 #musicsky

Cleaning the finger prints off my glasses avoiding conversations.

Sorry I’m late, just go on without me

You seem unmedicated and fun..flirting

“You’re such an inspiration for the ways that I will never ever choose to be” is such a top tier insult 🤌🏻 music.apple.com/us/album/jud...

@gimmethekspecial.bsky.social is absolutely wonderful and I don’t want to be confusing anyone with my old-wounds nonsense today lol

I don’t think my heart can do the “back to strangers” bit again. I care too much about the people I meet.

the veil betvveen novv and then thins, revealing residual hauntings of vvhat once vvas…✨

Where there’s a will, there’s a won’t.

she died doing what she loved: asking people in various states how they pronounce “pecan”

You were my greatest failure

oh i see dystopia for me utopia for thee

“Bluesky is dying” WE’RE ALL FUCKIN DYING BRO just relax and shitpost while the world burns it’s not that deep

Ensconcing my unit in her bsky bubble

me: i was just wondering why they don’t call water bottles ‘portable potables’ my gynecologist: what

The feminine urge to burn it all down so I can be reborn once again.

why are you as a man not currently serving me breakfast in bed

btw I’m never dumber or more insufferable than in the hours before I start bleeding, so you’re getting dumb bitch Rev today 🤘

Can’t afford a road trip this summer does running an extension cord out to a tent in my backyard count as glamping

Still a banger With exes on the brain today, this one goes out to my high school/college “sweetheart” 😂

walking up this hill is good for my butt (I tell myself)

Getting lost in the woods, don’t send help

sex is great but have you ever just smiled indulgently at a man as he sputters ineffectually at you

is it too early in the morning to say I have been wanting to lick that section of tummy that's right above a belt

Physically I’m a mess, but mentally I’m just completely fucked.

Sitting next to a stranger on a train and accidentally grazing knees while whispering ‘the pleasures of the flesh’ to myself.

ME: Why did they call it the endocrine system and not the secrete service SURGEON: How are you still even awake?

I can’t sing on key and my cats fucking love it

I look unemployed most of the time.

it's rude how far I have to scroll to select the year I was born

when does seeing an ex’s pfp stop sending an uncomfortable shot of adrenaline through the heart? asking for a friend

Right Said Freddy Krueger

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you’re watching a storm from your porch while saying “we needed this rain.”

Tits or ass? Bro, her overwhelmingly threatening aura

“I don’t care,” I say, talking to myself about it for days