What’s up, cutie pies? I’ve got a whole lot of nothing going on today

I make a great first impression but then gradually go insane.

Smartwatch telling me to stand up lol why don’t you go fuck yourself litle wearable robot

my weekend bsky is the same stupidity but without pants

Pants are unecessary. No one cares

Normies freak when you morph I’m like chill bro 😂

When I was a kid, my mom was so strict she wouldn’t even let me have a pet peeve.

Your stones are curling? See a doctor.

Michelangelo really was like “ I’m going to paint tiny dicks inside a church”

him: what's that buzzing sound coming from your bedside table? me: oh don’t worry it’s nothing weird *opens drawer and a huge swarm of bees flies out*

Hey gang sorry to report that sad songs still slap

Becoming a vague shroud of mist until further notice

The most important part of assembling any type of furniture is to install at least one part the wrong way so that you have to take everything apart and redo it

Remember, you can always quit if a task becomes even marginally difficult.

Turn the music up and the brain rattles down

fuck me into the earth's core

all worth it for that one moment

(throws tantrum)

grace extended outward is grace extended inward

Wish I could go back in time to try out my ‘babe I wanna make that brick house a brick home’ pickup line at the juice bar

On my signal unleash shenanigans

Sometimes a mental breakdown is the only excuse I have for my behavior.

Nice break. Dance or psychotic?

I’ve been augustreverie since about 2010 and since then someone has used that name for their adult coloring book series and there is even a band called The August Reverie lol

A room lit by deerskin lamps is called bambiant lighting.

good morning or goodnight or go to hell

Gang you’re so valid rn

ask your doctor if being a dumb bitch on the internet is right for you

Pressing ctrl-shift-t will reopen your last closed tab but the tab will be evil now

Sorry your BF thinks “labia majora” is a constellation.

you know what all the j named people are bad, let's move on from them

I got curious if he was still alive and looked him up. He died in November and apparently had a half brother named Rex I’d never heard of. huh.

life is short wear socks at the orgy

My pelvic floor is now so powerful it can defeat men with a single pulse.

It doesn't have to destroy you my darling

I won't let you break

When you saw only one set of footprints, that is when i twisted my ankle and went down

I knocked some things over and apologized to a framed photo of an uncle I don’t even speak to

Yodelling (platonically)

Tucking myself in betwixt two voluptuous sheets of lasagna ✨

I worded a skeet so poorly that everyone thought I was saying something else entirely

therapist: so what started the fight him: she asked what i bought and all i said was polyurethane polly: NO, YOU’RE A THANE

Oh you'd let her smother you? But would you let her carve the runes of the old ones into your chest to offer you as a sacrifice for her own immortality?

Thanks for the invite, but I already have plans to set myself on fire.

medusa was the ultimate reverse cowgirl

it’s like we live in medieval times because everything is mid and evil

Last night, my sleeping brain selected one of you at random for a kiss during a flight to Somewhere. I won’t say who, but just assume it was you 💋

I have the Autism diagnosis, but today has me thinking more than ever that ADHD is in the mix. I can’t tell you how many tasks I’ve started today only to be distracted by other tasks, then realizing I’ve successfully completed none of them. Also, wouldn’t let myself pee ‘til I caught up on scrolling

“confirm your identity” computer i wish i could