Granite Man
@granitedhuine.bsky.social
📤 11362
📥 1627
📝 2948
Here we go again. 🏴 bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaafdzld5ldha
pinned post!
Yes I know them, we went to Twitter together.
over 2 years ago
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Imagine hating me and I'm just over here, playing the bagpipes.
4 days ago
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sweetie π
5 days ago
you: i’m in the best shape of my life me: i have to turn the music off when driving in the rain
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B 🐝
5 days ago
love my repeating ‘don’t forget your meds’ alarm because god forbid a woman allow herself a few moments of insanity in the morning
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K Spesh
5 days ago
them: but did you die me: well what if I did motherfucker
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Cath
5 days ago
Wish I had some bacon and world peace.
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Chicken of Vermont
5 days ago
When I can feel something in between my teeth with my tongue, why is it impossible to pick it out with my fingernail, God?
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Dr. Sarah Parcak
5 days ago
If you think Bluesky sucks, you are not using it correctly. I have curated my feed to be full of DeliciousWeirdos™️ and KingShitposters™️ which means endless nerdiness (complimentary), bangers, and really insightful threads. Sorry you aren't having fun you aren't playing right. Try harder!
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Leela 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
5 days ago
Can someone please explain why I need to arrive 15 minutes early and the doctor is always over 30 minutes late?
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𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝
4 days ago
A dog’s love is more unconditional than a man’s; lock them both in the trunk, open it later and see which one is happy to see you.
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YouTubers love saying "and that's a topic for a whole different video".
5 days ago
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donni saphire
5 days ago
I hate it when people talk to me, and I also hate it when people don’t talk to me, but here’s what I like: Complaining
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Mary
5 days ago
I was raised to butter things.
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Blair Loudly
5 days ago
making a new mistake that you intensely remember making before is called deja fool
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DaddyJew
5 days ago
imagine hating me and im just over here sipping on my sleepytime tea
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Haha you’re a dork! *followed
5 days ago
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John Lyon
5 days ago
[before pepper spray was invented] Cop: *holds pepper grinder in suspect's face* Say when.
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BEAVE
5 days ago
I haven’t answered my phone in like 6 years and the fact people still try to call me says a lot about human resilience.
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Jerry Chen
5 days ago
a bag of m&ms marked as "family size" is a social construct
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Jason the Average ®️ 💛🤍💜🖤
5 days ago
Don’t worry, I see all your skeets. I don’t react because they’re bad.
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Deeks 🫶
5 days ago
All my bangers happen in the bedroom
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Greg the Miller
5 days ago
heard my girlfriend is breaking up with me in a subskeet so i muted her
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trickykat
5 days ago
breaking up with my boyfriend in a subskeet i hope he sees it
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Jenn 🩷
5 days ago
Today, I will use my powers for meh.
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Chicken of Vermont
5 days ago
The drama. *sigh* It's like Days of Our Lives around here for chrissake.
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Jack
5 days ago
My signature sex move is paying with a cashier’s check.
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J¡m Vaughn
5 days ago
*skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* -me, in the car, after starting my favorites playlist
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Reverie
5 days ago
tummy hort time for medicinal pizza
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Queen RanDumb
5 days ago
I'm like Shakespeare if he were a complete moron.
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Scott Linnen
5 days ago
The Shining (1980): A failing writer's horrifying waste of paper is avenged by shrubbery.
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Saw an annoying post but I’m being so brave about it.
5 days ago
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Opinion Editor @ Bluesky
5 days ago
me when I see a dog: 🫳
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
6 days ago
it’s never too early to disappoint your loved ones
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Betsy Wetsy
5 days ago
creatively writing myself a beautiful ending while my world is burning don’t worry I am fine
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B 🐝
5 days ago
got called into HR for how i ate a banana. AGAIN
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andy vs.
5 days ago
I keep alexa because I think it's good for amazon's language model to be trained on someone who always tells it to shut the fuck up
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Her: what are you thinking? Me: If they gave testosterone to ants would that make them uncles?
5 days ago
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Granite Man
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
6 days ago
If I climb onto my high horse, don’t worry. I will surely fall off the other side.
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sweetie π
6 days ago
them: wanna feel old? me: what do you mean “feel”?
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Christina, mother of spiders
6 days ago
Me: We are closer in time to the T-Rex than the T-Rex was to the Stegosaurus. Customs agent: *sighs*I just want to know if you have any purchases to declare.
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Multiple focus groups, representing many divergent schools of thought, all came together in agreement that your posts suck big hairy donkey balls.
6 days ago
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Corduroy Cheddar
6 days ago
To be honest I think it was Shaggy the whole time
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Emotional Baggage Claim
6 days ago
Everything is better stuffed with cheese. Crust, people, everything…
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You're welcome.
6 days ago
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Granite Man
Jenn 🩷
6 days ago
The brain is where the stupid is stored.
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Xavier Horatio Xinicit 🎉
6 days ago
They should make a coping technique that feels as good as binge eating
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Reverie
6 days ago
I was trying to sleep, but then I remembered something embarrassing from 2008
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60% of your adult life is just groceries and laundry.
7 days ago
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Granite Man
Helen Alexander
7 days ago
I'd love to walk here.
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los 🦦
7 days ago
nudes? i wanna see your accidentally opened the front camera selfie
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