Dear linkedin learning... It's Christmas f@ckin day. No. I DO NOT HAVE 5 MINUTES!

They should invent a gym so we can workout where it all went wrong

Why do they make silica packets so delicious if I'm not supposed to eat them?

how many nuns could a nunchuck chuck if a nunchuck could chuck nuns?

doing a 2025 Wrapped for my family but it's list of all the chores left undone

cumin is clearly the most horny spice

how about you yabba dabba don’t

no worse feeling than being in an argument and realizing you’re wrong i assume, anyway

pretend this is the banger i forgot to write down

I hope you guys appreciate how much effort it takes to produce posts this terrible.

Jaws is a Christmas movie.

it was either this or wordle, you’re welcome

In my next life, I just want to be surrounded by fewer stupid people and more mojitos.

We need to abolish subscriptions. I'm tired of remembering passwords, and giving out my email. Check out as guest, and no, you may not know my name. Fuck off.

ok ill bite what’s avatar

We watched Home Alone with my youngest daughter last night, so we put on Home Alone 2 tonight. We’re about 15 minutes in, and I’m like, you know what, fuck Kevin

Try regifting your bullshit.

if i had to pick a least favourite muppet movie it'd def be return of the jedi. no frog or pig.

if you come to my timeline, I’m gonna make my kids answer the door and tell you we don’t want any

The sexual tension between me and another turkey sandwich.

Who up regretting they decisions?

You don’t sing me sea shanties anymore

someone should give me a gift certificate for a year of gift certificates

x-rated modems tell baudy jokes

I make really good paper airplanes ~me, flirting

It's Christmas time, may all the fucks you give be festive. I hope you find peace and love and happiness. Merry Christmas, ya sexy weirdos, from me and the coo.

Happy last minute Christmas shopping to all the men who celebrate, one more sleep!!

I wanna be your candy cane so you can lick me into a sharp point and use me to stab people.

Don't count your lucky stars before they hatch, and don't put them all in one basket either, you suck this idiom shit.

I just killed a bug and said “sorry, buddy” as I flushed him down the toilet

me, the moment it says “out for delivery”

shitposts are like miniature Seinfeld episodes with a sometimes crossover into sunny in Philly

Woke up with my fanny pack on again

I don't use marijuana recreationally I use it competitively

I'm about to enter my "what fucking day is it?" era, or "Christmas holidays", as some people call it.

*someone says something funny* Me: that’s a skeet

If my contacts are ever imported to this shit I swear to god

My festive eye twitch has started.

dollhouses are like you're rich but not like have a back wall to your house rich.

no i’m not an introvert i just don’t like anybody

Always remember that you are capable of writing amazing posts. You'll never do it, so always remember that too.

I spiced up the office secret Santa gifting by buying mine from the local sex shop.

it was probably a mistake teaching him to read

Googled ass clown. Was not disappointed.

Whatever make it 10 factor authentication.. I don't want to be able to sign into anything ever again

Another new year, in this economy?? Unbelievable! We've barely even used 2025!!

I don’t trust people who aren’t always ready for bed.

hats off to the genius who thought to ensure women smile more in pictures was to say cheese

Eating a tangerine just to peel something

My best selfies are the ones I'm not in.