Principal: he's just more mature than the other kids, he grasps things that they can't comprehend. Me: he reads books, and they are stupid. Just say it. Seriously.

Every time I get really close to someone I wonder why I did that

What a time to be alive and dumb as a fucking rock

𝘗𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘐𝘵 𝘉𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 is my favorite song about goth decorating tips.

I’m like if a pop-up ad was a person

Deer getting major air - from the wildlife cameras in our yard. 🦊🦌 #mammals #animals #leaping #nature #outdoors #cool #love #PNW #Seattle #photography #trailcam #deer

I hope you win the lottery and lose the ticket

🎶if you're happy and you know it what's it like

Did somebody say BBQ?

trying to even out the strings on my hoodie: a memoir

dad skeet

The best hearted people get treated the worst. Thats by design. Don’t let it change your heart. ❤️

It's hard to believe we lost Jim Henson 35 years ago. Out of nothing, he and his collaborators created a whole universe we didn't ask for or know we needed, but we did. He's never been replaced. youtu.be/LOBn86_DAZU?...

Kids are in bed babe, you know what that means. I'll lock the door, you get the chips and dip.

(trailer voiceover) this halloween, grass touches back

I know that it's bad in many other countries as well, but it just feels so hurtful because we thought the States was a better place and it turns out that we didn't know anything and it's full of terrible people. Real, true villains who want to hurt other people. Innocent people. I hate it here.

taking my ants to a farm upstate

I wish Christopher would run for office so we could see signs that say "Walken is Runnin."

Trump: everyone in the US died from drugs last week Reporter: [nods] Trump: so we must murder on the high seas Reporter: [nods] Trump: I caught Trix rabbit once Reporter: [nods] Trump: the cock on that bunny Reporter: [nods] Trump: bigger than you think Headline: Trump Policy Seeks To Save Lives

Ah fuck, I sat alone with my thoughts for too long.

Sorry if I replied to your post without liking it. I just got excited is all.

Daytime me always agrees to things that nighttime me does not want to do.

I'm supposed to be dieting, so I had Cheetos and pizza for dinner.

i applied to be the librarian for one of those free neighborhood libraries. i think it was a maybe, they said “we told you to stay out of our driveway”

Never rescue anyone who is wearing crocs. They do not want your help.

Liking a post without sharing is bsky friendzoning

pouring out my heart in joke format

•Kids having friends over• Me: Did you hear about Maya? Some kid: Maya who? Me: Maya heee, Maya HOho Lemonade sprays everywhere. One kid runs all the way home. Another buries himself under the trampoline.

I ate the whole bag anyway. I'm not proud.

Took a vow to be mediocre.

Im here you fuckass bitch

Is overreacting still even a thing? I don't think so, right? RIGHT?

Subtly downgrade a band HUGG

some days it be like that

too real, more deleted posts would liven this place up a lot

get in loser, we're going to Denny's

This week has been a bit

"I washed the sheets" -me being a whore

the nation is being run by people who used to microwave their hamsters

It takes me 9 seconds to write a text and 17 minutes to find the right emoji to add to it

gave peopling a chance for about 5 minutes this morning. i want my 5 minutes back.

other than the crumbling of the social order how’s your friday going

The chronic pain isn't so bad today and I'm otherwise in a good mood. This frightens me greatly.

tried posting something on reddit and my take away from the experience is to never go on reddit again

I want to speak to the womanager

I leave my bathroom door open while taking a shit to show my dog how it's done.

What am I, chopped liver? (romantic)

thinking back to the time i let my friend chris who had never played d&d join our campaign and the only thing he said the entire time was "i smite him"

Let's see if we can get me down to 300 followers by the end of the weekend. Come on, you fools. You suckers. You haters.