The University of Michigan just published a long-term scientific study which proves conclusively that you will, in fact, feel better if you put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up.

Gonna try some moods swings for exercise

I'm really good at ignoring solutions that are staring me right in the face.

Drop something watery if you feel like it.

Live your life is such a way that you don't have a digital clock that counts down the hours until retirement sitting on your desk

You can tell a lot about a person if you read their biography.

Antarctica is roughly the size of the USA and nearly as cold and white

I thought my house was haunted last night and scared myself. It was just the cat. Phew.

The problem with sitting at the bar all night was there's always some hazy mirror on the back wall staring at you. Shit, I already felt the spindly fingers of societys'sad desperation gripping the back of my throat I certainly didn't need to fucking witness my sad role in it #brokenpoet

Story of my life

Nancy Drew-ass headline

There are whispers in corners of this place. I can hear them.

"Yeah I got a Nobel peace prize." You won a Nobel peace prize? "Yeah I got one."

My dad wants to know where all the protest music is so I sent him the Drop Kick Murphys. He hasn't responded.

What I’ve learned about American politics the last decade is there is an annoyingly sizable population that does not actually believe in anything and simply imprints on the latest thing they heard on the radio like a duckling

i heard if this were reddit or facebook i’d be fixed by now.

Downright gitty! I love what shitty whiskey does to dangerous men.

I think what you really learn from opening up to people is that you shouldn’t.

Oh no. I'm getting ragey. I'm going back to my sylvia plath book. Even it all out.

i said what what

And every time I feel like giving up, I remember there's kids here. I found this assignment from my daughter on the table.

I say "wow, someone actually gave that person a driver's license" at least a dozen times a day.

I hate when I have to get out of bed to grab my debit card so I can purchase something online

Me: Hey bub, do you need help with your History project? 13: nah ..... 2am "Psst Ma, the printer's out of ink"

My son and his friends have a "white girl" playlist they switch to when the teacher enters the room.

A song that sounds like the ocean you say? How about...

My goal is to just get one person to go home and say "I had an eye opening conversion with the plant lady today!"

Just heard that Bill Maher has won the FIFA Golden Globe for Best Stand-Up Special.

A group of baboons is called a congress. No notes.

i hate when stupid people make good jokes

I got the job i have because I don't have to talk to people. Sadly, people feel the need to talk to me while I am working. It's a mess.

*slumps into acceptance

I wish I could just have 1 day where I could tell everybody exactly how stupid they are. And their only response could be "you're right. I'm a dumbass." Genie!

Das Thema von @alan678.bsky.social zum heutigen #BirdOfTheDay ist #Solitude Vögel allein unterwegs.

I love antiques roadshow!

we all went to high school with someone who became an ICE officer and guess what we all hated him then, too

My therapist can get me in first thing tomorrow morning because I'm her favorite. I mean, she can't say that, but it's pretty obvious.

I just carried heavy rocks around for 2 hours. Nothing really to show for it, but I'm pretty sure it was important work.

My apologies for not being here I've been having fun.

Making a new garden bed out of rocks seems easy inside my head. It is not, in fact, easy.

A severely underrated thing: local radiostations with real DJs who can capture the vibes and soothe our souls. Shout out to KGLT Bozeman

A conservative wife.

so sleep deprived I’m on a whole other plane of existence today it’s pretty nice here

This is stunning. Listen to this in Philadelphia. Thousands singing “Hey-Oh, we won’t be silent while our friends are gunned down.” Really listen to it.

Mental

the eternal conflict between wanting to discover new music and only ever wanting to listen to your favorites

Regal

Majestic

it’s ok to not think about things for a bit it’s ok to rest your weary mind

Sometimes you just gotta spend your entire day gaming and trying to forget the real world exists.