My butthole is a black hole

Sometimes, people tell me I’m arrogant. Duh! I already know

who called it a vasectomy and not hackysack

Inspiring people i care about to make terrible decisions — that’s the joparkerbear guarantee

This is my therapist:

This is my therapist:

Verifying with confirmation is never a bad thing.

Here it goes again...🥴 youtu.be/dTAAsCNK7RA?...

now that I’m up and outside I have the zoomies but I’m so sleepy so it’s like zzzzzzoooooomies

I'm not a trad wife or a home wrecker. I'm this other third thing.... I believe it's called... Go fuck yourself 😃

Every PB&J sandwich I make gets more and more PB&J.

Dating is so weird, it's like how am i going to fit another person into my coffin.

Good Friday is for bad posts. I didn't make the rules.

Don’t forget to say goodnight to the void

ah, "bluesky is dying" again? good to know. so fuck off and leave already, why you still here

Tonight's bowl is full of Wedding Cake, a hybrid of something or other, and it legit smells like cake. Angel food cake. Cannabis is of angels, so this makes sense.

Friday! Friday! Friday! youtu.be/fA82bJot4rw?...

The reason I don't take adhd meds is because I don't want that kind of responsibility cuz I see what it does to people in them shows.

Add a food to a movie name Blood pudding sport

I’m the third tallest dad at this Walmart.

Tomorrow, April 4th, is "National Ramen Day'... do with this what you will, especially considering that it also "International Pillow Fight Day".

*posts at 4am* this website is dying

If you see this, i implore you to post a picture from whatever device you're using without explanation

I keep repeating the same old patterns by dating so many drummers. Call it cymbalism

Girl, are you the Christian god? Because I don't believe you did any of that shit

I am both too serious and not serious enough, and because i am both, i am neither. It’s possible I am just too inside my own head, but i don’t think so. That does not ring true.

Saatva sounds like a brand you'd find on Temu.

Add a food to a movie name Sophie's Taster's Choice

Add a food to a movie name Spacemeatballs

Fran Drescher is so hot that they invented a device to catch the photons that bounce off her. It’s called a Nanny cam.

ladies and gentlemen the bee gees

holy shit dude STOP FUCKING TALKING

Add a food to a movie name The Right Stuffing

New Video is Up! Dyeing my hair for the first time! Please Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe to support a Disabled Creator for Free 😺💜 youtu.be/YmuJN17oh5A

a mouthful of thin mints and a sip of lemon sparkling water hits maybe i'm just dehydrated

Trying to start The Wave in the urologist waiting room.

What does Duck Jesus have for The Last Supper? Wine and quackers

Bluesky can’t die before the Thing We Are All Waiting for happens! The skeets will be too good.

Canadians eat Ketchup Chips while watching a show. Not popcorn.

I'll just leave this very accurate representation here.

Add a food to a movie name Chocolate Chocolat but also Eat Wings Pray Love

Add a food to a movie name Kung Pow Chicken: Enter The Fist

Add a food to a movie name Babe: Pig Bacon in the City

A feed bag, but it's me tying a bag of popcorn to my face.

Throwback to that time I was added to a temporary room on Twitter for Easter weekend and I promptly dropped a gif of a lovely woman pushing chocolate eggs out of her ass. I was blocked out in minutes. Those were the days.

I'm looking to buy some persimmon soap. Anyone here in the soap-making business? I have night sweats and an old basement apartment. Musty business.

what’s so funny

movies are scarier if you set the volume to thirteen