i’d take up fencing but it’s not for the feint of heart . folks,,,

Courtney Love never played with her idols, Ann & Nancy Wilson. now there’s a Hole where her Heart used to be . folks,,

*getting hit in the face with a shovel My god, I love you.

Why are men?

Honestly I’m still sore from the monster mash.

posting my nudes in amazon product reviews

poop status should be on a need to know basis. not everybody needs to be kept in the poop loop.

A lot of double entendres said by commentary in football, but "look at that gaping hole" is where I draw the line.

The Bengals had a bye week this week, and still found a way to lose.

Pepperidge farm remembers 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕃𝔼𝕊 𝔻𝕆𝔼𝕊ℕ’𝕋 ℂ𝔸ℝ𝔼

There was one shrimp with a tail on in this bag of cooked tail off shrimp. Ask me how I know.

Goon a movie: The goonies

Goonies squared never say die² 🏆👑 Congratulations @frenchys-goldau.bsky.social from @los-los.bsky.social

What base is it when he uses the most ridiculous pic of you that he can find as your contact photo?

i worked really hard on this

The amount of going to work tomorrow I want to do is zero

this is about me

My insistance is hardly ever persuasive.

Disdain is the word for this.

How it ended

godDAMMIT

Dessert? You mean chips and salsa?

afraid that if I open my mouth, I may start screaming and never stop

"Well, that's not nice." -me, filling out a map of France

Last year, my sister insisted on making Thanksgiving dinner and told me to go sit in the hottub. She just texted, asking what I want to make. Ummm, you kind of set a precedent, so I will make a cocktail and head to the hottub.

The autopen is mightier than the autosword.

Didn't realize we were at the eat my leftovers stage of the relationship (rolls out tarp) (snaps on gloves)

As dystopias go … this one feels like a low-effort b-movie type.

I'm relaxing under a blanket and if you knew me, you'd be like, "no way!"

The President of the United States of America is actively starving his populace and nobody is fighting back. NOBODY IS FIGHTING BACK.

this is just mean

At least tonight solidified that I follow smart people.

Adding my pfp to all your skircles, manually

Congress: “Fuck him.”

It's been a year do you think it's safe to take my thesis books off my desk and put them on the shelf or should I keep them handy just in case?

Bluesky is great because you can stumble into an argument between tiny accounts where one is pro-Israel and one anti and both are colossally stupid and colossally racist

[first/last day as a bomb squad technician] *pisses on the bomb's timer*

One time I had a catheter installed and it was so nice not to have go to the bathroom every half hour

I prefer practicing by myself

heroes in an asshole

more like not so united states of america gotem

absurd is short for absolute turd

Night all! And so it goes...

You’re in her DMs, I’m in her text

Don't mind me. No, seriously...like, never mind.

I’ve never been so sad to be an American.

goon a movie the twilight saga: new goon

“Great” news. The latest cancer drug I saw advertised is “only” $96k per year if you don’t have insurance. Don’t worry though, they’ll knock 10k off to make it more affordable… Yeah, sore point with me. Most are 150k a year, some are still 45k a year after the best supplemental Medicare plan. 🤬

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