I'd let a few of you lick the fried chicken grease off of my lips. I mean, if you wanna

Did they plug this place back in? 👀

I’ve reached the “eh, it’s perfectly adequate” phase of the end of a payday Friday shift.

Most of my day revolves around how long it takes my meds to kick in.

ILY stands for Indoor Lumber Yard Just ask Lowe's

🎵 I have become cucumbersome to this world 🎵

I stg if I ever find the rascal that sneaks into my house every night and drinks a half bottle of bourbon I’m gonna kick his ass

It’s probably too late for me to be a prodigy

(Gaga) 🎶 Can’t read my, no he can’t read my, Gravy face (She’s got me like nobody) G-g-g-gravy face

Gravy a song: 🎶 Ain't no gravy when she's gone It's not warm when she's away Ain't no gravy when she's gone And she's always gone too long Anytime she goes, gravy 🎶

Bluesky goes down on strangers more than your mom (Maybe this has been posted - how the Fuck would I know)

Does Hamburger Helper count? Oh. Then no, I’m not a chef.

I spewed Diet Coke through my nose whilst reading your skeet. Please respond.

Today’s band name: The Treasure Flowers

Goes down on nights and weekends 🤔 BlueSky Your Mom

don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in the elevator don’t release the fart in t

Hormuz-stuffed ravioli

some vendors out there offering $10 off lmao I respect you and hope you do well but $10 ain’t even going to get me halfway to your place anymore

People who say “To tell you the truth…” Is this your first time?

If size doesn’t matter why is small talk so insufferable?

People just don’t nick nack patty whack like the used to

[narrowing down body parts for my thirsty Thursday joke] 🦵eenie 💪🏼meenie 👄miney 🫴mo Catch a tiger by its 🍑 butt Q: how do you get a little behind? A: from being a lazy bum Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Late entry for the gravy song thread: (Village People) 🎶 In the gravy You can sail the seven seas In the gravy You can put your mind at ease In the gravy, in the gravy

Gerry Rafferty. Born on this day in 1947. He would have been 79 today. He's been down on Baker Street since Jan 4, 2011.

BlueSky is to social media sites as Carrot Top is to comedians

My favorite song by U2 is “I Still Haven’t Found the Butthole I’m Looking For”

Had McDonald's for lunch. It went right through me. Talk about a McFlurry.

If the bots could please log TF off so we could get back to hanging out with each other, that'd be great.

Kids of famous celebrities from northern Syria are called Aleppo nepo babies.

I came, I saw, I ranted.

General strike? No work, no school, no shopping? STOP BEING DICKS. You organize shit that many folks can't participate in, which makes them feel excluded. 20 states have minimum hourly wages of $7.25. For a full 8-hour shift, that's $58, which won't buy a full tank of gas. Moreover...

For it is better to have eaten a burrito and lost, then to have never eaten a burrito at all

You know what's cool about technology? The fact that your kids who are hundreds of miles away can still interrupt you having sex.

I won the lottery! $4

Someone should invent a social app that doesn't go offline all the time.

one thing I will not do is complain *immediately chokes to death on the complaints lodged in my throat*

What is a realtors favorite Christmas song? For Lease Navidad

Female Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you Me: Boobs

My favorite kind of shit is funny shit.

Apparently “employee engagement” has nothing to do with coworkers that plan to get married

Dave Chappelle in 2026 (that’s the joke)

1996: 8 minutes of commercials every half hour of TV, cool. 2026: 6 minutes of ads every hour of streaming, WHAT THE FUCK ANOTHER GODDAM COMMERCIAL?! FUCK!

People just don’t Hip hop hooray Ho, hey, ho Like they used to

There’s dudes driving around giant trucks that say Super Duty on them instead of going to therapy

Guys! Guys! The boys are back in town, and they’re putting cilantro in the gravy!

🎶 I don’t wanna read, I just wanna keep reskeeting yooooooooouuuuu!

I’m pretty hammered Time for mozzarella sticks

Never mind common sense, can we bring back self awareness?

Is this about me? This feels like it's about me.

(REO Speedwagon) 🎶 And I’m gonna keep on reskeeting you… ‘Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do…