No cheating (or cheat, I'm not your boss) reskeetaroo with your most recent pet picadoo

I mean, you actually can find a better man, Pearl Jam.

Have you met my micromanager? -me introducing people to my dog

I've got a head like a hole, black as your soul. I'd rather die than give you control.

Okay. I'll say it. But it's just for you. 🩵 You who have liked my nonsense, lifted my spirit unknowingly, made me lol in return with your replies.... To you I wish a good and happy and fulfilling new year. 💙

Happy chicken pot pie to those who celebrate

🎵 It's a sunshine day It's a sunshine day 🎵

It's cute how we're still saying happy new year like it's possible

You guys, she pronounced it Go Diva. They might have been doing it all wrong.

I'd rather talk to Chap GPT

Excuse me, but you've already taken it to the limit. You can't do it again.

Take the antlers off your car already

Are knockoff Uggs called Arrghs?

What if everyone was just tofu fighting

If your skeet is popular in Maine, they call it a Bangor

Well, I was planning on having a bad day but then mother nature chimed in.

Arnie says you can go back to sleep for a few more minutes. YW 💖

The vibe I'm bringing to the office Christmas party

Because The Eyebrow of the Tiger just didn't hit right

What if I already bet my bottom dollar, Annie? What then?!

Stop being negative. What's on limits?

Shopping for sins at the mass market

This is about me

🎵 I kissed a squirrel and I liked it 🎵 Catty Purry

I'd like to report a myrrhder

YW 🫶

Walking into 2026

Performance enhancers should be called excellerents

Baker Mayfield sounds like the lead in a Wes Anderson movie.

The Person of the Year should be a person who's done something good during the year.

There's not much wisdom left in these teeth.

Every time someone says drive safe, an adverb loses its wings.

What did you call me?!

When I say I'm crushing your head

No one really talks about the Ghost of Christmas Passthepotatoes

You will be visited by 3 spirits YW

A soar loser is a hawk who missed its prey

"Let's go around and introduce ourselves" Me:

Who gonna wild their abandonment with me?

Penne for your thoughts

This is a Bluetooth speaker. You know, for when you wanna guac down to Electric Avenue.

Post something rando or else your December shall be damned

I rarely fail in the kitchen, so imagine my amazement at failing in the kitchen on Olympic Kitchen Day.

Happy Twerky Day to those who celebrate 🫶

Bow down before the one you serve You're gonna get what you deserve

It was bound to happen tuner than later.

I'm not amazing. I'm amusing. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

Hi there, new bestie 😂

Is chilly this morning