my fucks were all lost at sea, sadly

someday i’m going to be on top of things enough that there will only be two books on my coffee table

Pretty soon there will nowhere to hide, motherfucker.

Unraveling in real time.

I’m so damn tired of this shit.

If you have read our collective shitposts, you may be entitled to compensation.

Nobody calls anybody a dirty rat anymore.

Listening to someone complain non-stop, fully aware they are the problem, is my new cardio.

Might sell Avon door to door as a side hustle

Create the problem Fix the problem Take credit for fixing the problem

oh my ass? i think you mean my twerk of art

You gotta keep the mane thing the mane thing Horses and some lions probably

The insanity of all this is increasing at an exponential rate, something has to break bubba

Where are my sandals? Where are my black socks? Where’s my metal detector?

Why would anyone want to be normal? Look where normal has gotten us

It's weird, but sometimes when you let someone love you they actually do.

So much going on here. Just gonna not read anymore and let the mind fill rest. Expired deviled eggs just hit diff from fam yo! “Hey Nephew, you gotta try these”! Were they thrown at or feed to? we don’t know. You broke my heart uncle. ☠️

It’s ok if you’re not telling, because I wasn’t asking.

Conquer the world? Buddy, I’m lucky if I can get out of bed two days in a row.

Thought I was having a heart attack last night and for one brief moment, I remembered what hope feels like.

Dear Mastercard, I have concepts of a plan to repay you.

Sorry about that fart setting off your smoke alarm.

As my old one seems to be censored by BlueSky mods:

most of you need to do some inner child work just saying

Maximizing efficiency by spreading my toast with toothpaste

Oh no people are vagueposting about something that sounds like I hope I never find out what it is

omg that’s so funny! now get in the wood chipper

Drinking this coffee after 7pm tastes like insomnia and heartburn with a pleasant butter toffee sweetness.

Y'all know I'm problematic, right?

Walks into room..Fuck y'all.

After exhausting all other options, I’ve decided to lose my shit.

Waltzing through the swinging knives and slinging arrows to the treasure

I need vegan Thai curry and a protein shake. And $17 million in all 20s

Whatever happened to giving a fuck…

i feel like im going to get hit by a car pretty much every second of every day

Well, well, well, if it isn't the person who is about to order their steak wrong.

conjuring a party phantom at the local red robin

Watching all unravel and chill?

The less you say, the more people will invent.

friday night mood: going to the gas station to get fresh lotties & cool ranch doritos

Make our own urban legend together and chill.

*during sex* okay but why did your tone change

We go together like bathtubs and toasters

Claude's heart was never in the art game because he was all about that Monet.

unclench your buttocks

I'll take the induced coma, please.

A roll-on anti-aging serum, call it Deolderant

Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, you guys. I’ve been really busy *continues putting pegs in Lite Brite*

Well, I made it to 51. Can I be done now?

You’re at wood I need you at chipper