imagine hating me and i’m just here taking a shit

I WANNA TAKE A RIDE ON YOUR DISCO STICK- i yell with a tear in my eye as the b-52 flies overhead

One of these days, somebody will wanna fuck me

Old country music: I murdered a cop because he knew too much. New country music: I back the blue and accidentally put salt in my coffee because I cant read.

pronouncing “LMAO” like “el-mayo”

[insert super niche, relatable post that is extremely specific to you, the person reading this]

I miss the days where rappers would rap about important things like rims on their Cadillac

soccer would be so much more bearable if katie marovitch commentated

is mitch dead? someone say mitch is dead

backs are hot

they should invent a recliner that catapults you into bed when you fall asleep

horny but also angy at the government

hot girls shouldn’t have to pay their own rent

When you're too tired to mask and you start texting the family chat from your real personality

not trying to spice up my life, I’ve got too much spice, I’m all spiced up

haha, thats a great post. unfortunately you phrased it in a way that allowed me, a moron, to misunderstand it

“there’s no place like home” i say, while crawling into a ditch

I’m an open book but these mf can’t read

i petition to change the us national anthem to literally any gaga song

Not all exes are bad. I’m someone’s ex and I am perfectly pleasant

no YOU go smoke more pot

shitting my brains out at 12:35 am as a bit

can’t sleep, better rub one out

celebrating independence day by going to work at a british pub

I will blow my finger gun smoke right into your eye idgaf

the only problem with my shorty shorts is the cock hanging out

that riff should have been a raff

come for the riff stay for the raff

when they riff i raff and make it awkward

No new riff raff only old riff raff 🫩

They should invent a drinking where you don’t have to pee so much

Hot girls get pimples too

I don’t chase opportunities. I stand in the kitchen eating whipped cream straight from the tub and they eventually find me

bsky dot app: where posts come to die

tiktok has led me to some weird places. the scransit van and tinnedfishreviews are favorites now tho

How do you politely ask someone what the fuck is wrong with them?

ask your doctor if shaping your box like a heart is right for you

acab includes whoever the fuck gave cpr to this bag of dust

A Bloody Mary is definitely a type of soup.

I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it

ask your doctor if shaping your box like a heart is right for you

how many drinks can a raindro drink before a raindro is drunk drunk

ask your doctor if letting it linger is right for you

All my smokes is holy

I got PTSD Perky Tits Sassiness and Depression

queen kong never let her emotions destroy a whole city

do we all get a sip from the world cup? can i use a straw? do i have to take a sip? im so confused

who won the footcerball game?

Without downloading any new pics, what’s it like being in a relationship with you:

Horton Hears A Lying Ass Hoe