Sasquatch's mama taking him to Big and Tall for a halloween costume

hot DILFs in your area have cargo pockets full of snacks

Purrito

at most i’m just a side quest

you guys will never guess what me and bakers have in common

A posting style best described as "relentless"

trying to even out the strings on my hoodie: a memoir

The raccoon cake pop from Starbucks does not taste like real raccoon

c'mon babe, it's time to go make out in the rain

Just because I don’t harp on it doesn’t mean I don’t know how annoying I am.

it would be nice to have a big spoon sometimes

my hair sometimes gets stuck in my armpit

im glad that im here you fuckass bitch is back

just thinking about how many posters were lost when the titanic went down

I’m horrible at hints just unfollow

There should be a reality show about necromancers

Putting my tits in chaos mode

Cold is a flavor. Ask pizza.

Yearning for a Southern California super bloom

shes a 10 but she thinks chartreuse is red

who tf saw a potato and was like 'that should be a salad'

I can achieve anything I set my mind to unless it’s slightly inconvenient.

to the people saving my posts: are you mad at me

i’m here you fuckass bitch [picture your moms house]

The plural form of squash is squashies

strongly considering disappearing into the wilderness, never to be seen again

i refuse take the stairs during autumn for obvious reasons

i really thought life was gonna be cooler than this

Too bad your standards aren't as high as your horse

is it really a burrito if it isn’t big enough for an adult human to burrow in so they can eat their way out?

i just remembered i still have half of a very big breakfast burrito to eat for dinner 🥰

every restaurant should have gravy on the menu. gravy you can order by itself

ladies and gentlemen, the weekend

women are magic

Look, I don't know what your plans were. But you keep that cheese grater away from my genitals

*this is an invisible skeet*

I got kicked out of the mall for reciting my favorite Bluesky shitposts

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

the thing about projecting is, don't

I read that sitting is the new smoking, so if you sit on my face you don't need a smoke afterwards

One thing about me is I’m slow to catch on but boy when I do we are gonna revisit the topic

Stop the madness and go fuck yourself.

I’m not shallow I’m empty get it right.

the nation is being run by people who used to microwave their hamsters

why do they call them children, they have like zero chill

i’m not crazy you’re just boring

pronounces bread like breed

new slogan for smiles just dropped

Kidnapper: your going in the trunk Me: *you’re

without my hoodie, i am nothing.