@raindro.bsky.social : make a sourdough starter? Don’t do that you basic ass hoe

If this were colonial times, all these unread emails could have been shipwrecks.

babe are you ok? you haven’t moved or blinked for 30 minutes straight

A bel biv devoe bahn mi shop called that girl is hoisin

Our casino is visible from space even though it shouldn’t be.

*puts resolutions back into the attic*

Hang on I gotta put a fake tree in the basement until November

babies are going with their grandparents for a few days so yeah you could say i’m on vacation

(after losing to a childproof seal) well fought!

captain's log: day one of the bit and I wonder how much longer I can continue

Still writing "2025" on my ransom notes.

meat broth fondue

I am in no state to resolve anything. Someone should be resolving me.

running out of hot sauce = the greatest sadness

all men are to be called bozo from now on, i don’t make the rules

i can’t believe it has been 2016 for ten years

well damn 😑

not me kissing little caesar’s for the new year

what i wouldn’t give for a naroditsky stream right now

Dropped the hot; just a mess

Maybe the universe is telling me I’m meant to face this world alone

Sorry, got a little nerdy there for a second

Fuck flowers. I want a set of Power Armor from Fallout

happy new year, imaginary weirdos ❤️

Happy New Year

if my knees don’t quit reminding me how old i am they’re gonna get replaced

This year I lost my wallet, my keys and my marbles

After watching some videos on World Wide Web and carefully considering my options, my New Year’s Resolution is to not have a kidney stone

big party at my house for introverts tonight bring your own noise cancelling headphones and kindles

fire hydrant? you mean the emergency bidet?

raining? you mean the sky bidet?

the ‘shower’? you mean the wall bidet?

at least tomorrow is next year

thinking about being fired out of a cannon directly at a brick wall at midnight

If a cat meowed at you today, say “I”.

still time to jack off 50 times before 2026

what’s the over-under on how many usb-c cables you accumulate before the next one comes out

can’t, need to stay home and text everyone happy new year

You’re in her DMs. I’m reading her the FDA black box warnings on her meds.

In 2026 there’s no “new year, new me”. The best I can do is “same me but slightly more tired”

Cause of death: low amount of likes and reposts

i have a headache

the amount of “hey beautiful… [insert some incel shit here]” i’ve received has made me hate men more than anything else. like jesus fuck i’m not even hot. i just have nice hair and the bots/incels eat that shit up

at the end of the day i still have a dope ass blanket with cats on it so i win no matter what

das me too

she/they/bruh

jesus fuck i hate some of the people ive cum in

if you can’t handle me sucking on a finger you don’t deserve me sucking on a clit

i don’t understand. i def thought booty was involved with pirating. and there was no mention of rum.

i could probably travel through time just a little bit if i thought about it really really hard