I call myself the dumbass of the team 😂😂

Me: *tries to be mysterious* Also me: yeah I drank a Red Bull in the shower what about it

My brain: <error 404>

This is me today

My daily struggle: do I dress cute or like I’m homeless

You liked my comment but didn’t reply

Me: who said Nebraska was flat hasn’t seen these hills Devi: do the hills have eyes? Me: no but they have children in the corn

Making a woman cry from being constantly sexualized is disgusting nasty work

[being murdered] me: oh no i have died murderer: (stops stabbing) ok have a good day me: thanks you too

I’m not clumsy the floor just holds grudges 😂

Jobs be like: “What could we improve at work?” Me: my paycheck bro.

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Never underestimate me.

HR Manager: “Did you call your coworker stupid?” Me: “No I said “Are you stupid?” I was conducting an investigation”

My moods today 1. Cry 2. Fight someone

I don’t chase men, I trip them so they fall in love

Sorry I can’t hang out. My cat said no

Me + my comfort movie

Quote post any unfiltered pic and say your age: 27

⭐️ man child with weak dick game and was addicted to video games

I hit 300 followers today!!!! May not seem like much to others but thank you to all that follows me!!!!

Live Laugh Love you to the moon and back

Them: You wear glasses we expect a lot from you academically Me: Well I failed an eye test where the answers were literally in front of me. You are misplacing your expectations

✨My depression may be chronic, but my ass is iconic 😘✨

If you see this, quote the energy you bring to BlueSky

Sometimes I re-read my text conversions and think “wow, this bitch is so funny”

My toxic trait is thinking I could survive The Oregon Trail

Hot girl summer is over… It’s time for sad sluts in sweaters

Weird shit men say to me It’s a no for me dawg

Someone take me out back like old yeller

Live. Laugh. Lobotomy.

I showed you my ankles. Please respond

You should let it burn like the chlamydia you have 🤷🏻‍♀️

Pros and cons of dating me Cons - I’m an asshole Pros - I’m your asshole

Me: I want to die 🤷🏻‍♀️ Him: You can’t. I’m not into necrophilia 💀

I’m 50% hot, 50% unhinged

These hands are Rated E for everyone

I need it to be winter so I can be one shade of pale

Weird shit men say to me God what the fuck man 😂😂

I’m not a house wife…. I’m more like a house gremlin

Him: im on the spectrum Me: idc about your internet provider babe

Isn’t he just the cutest???? Show me pictures of your pets!!!

I simp for libraries

Gosh she’s gorgeous 💀😍 First part of in customizing spooky dolls

Can you figure this out? Itcjssboacehinyctddwitvfamoaeskatsvu

Pros and cons of dating me Cons- Mentally ill 🤪 Pros- Great in bed 👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼

I don’t want inner peace. I want unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks from Olive Garden

Ha you can’t hurt my feelings because I already hurt them 😂

Weird shit men say to me No Marco I don’t think I’ll marry you