My ex-wife and I had very different tastes in food. We always argued over those fancy food art restaurants that hardly give you enough to feed a parakeet and gas station rotisserie hot dogs for $0.59 a piece. I never could talk her out of those hot dogs.

Father Daniel Berrigan: " We do not kill people. We do not support killing. We do not kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong. We work to stop the killing. "

When I was a kid I thought that Canada was a desert because of the Canada Dry cans. My parents still loved me, though. 😖

I taught my parrot to say, “Help, I’ve been turned into a parrot.” The authorities are involved. No regrets.

Rainy day so took a moment to create a feed of my photos from being outside

Yesterday I realized I don't actually understand the difference between waxing vs waning and may have pulled the wrong sheet of hair off the wrong arm in deference to the moon.

Bluesky Gang, do you know what today is? It's "86-47 Day."

AI's favorite word is "friction" (used in a non-scientific way.) It's annoying as fuck. A weasel word if ever there was one. It's a way to avoid naming the actor and the impediment.

Of course it’s another anti-vaccine quack from Fox News.

I imagine there are some souls that even the Devil doesn't want to purchase.

Jury selection for a Comey trial would be funny. Government would try to bounce every potential juror who had ever worked in a restaurant.

Little known laws that remain on the books: College graduates in 47 states are allowed to fire one shot at anyone who gives them a copy of "What Color is My Parachute?" as a graduation present.

Ladies, if a man says 'I love you,' get it in writing. Spelling matters more than you think.

Don't get me wrong: Susan Collins has to go. Yet Graham Platner's well-documented history of racist, sexist, and homophobic writings is atrocious. Silence is complicity. Platner will make the Fetterman fiasco look like a blip. We need better candidates. Abandoning core values is not the answer.

Only the out-of-touch, coastal Hollywood elites would NOT want a garish, fancy ballroom.

Just read the Comey indictment, and it is brutal. Some of the allegations: - never puts shopping cart back in designated cart return area - takes too many napkins from pizza parlor napkin dispenser - lied about having seen "Titanic" to fit in He won't beat the charges this time.

please sir, my brain, it can’t take anymore acronyms

The karaoke song you always select tells me everything I need to know.

“Have you seen the cat, Sam?” “The what now?”

I always went the whole nine yards for my HS football coach but he cut me from the team. He said something something about needing 10 yards for a first down whatever that is. I never really understood the technical aspects of the game.

Prosecutor: Did you attend the University of Wisconsin? Witness: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Not only did you attend Wisconsin but you were the football team mascot. I remind you, Sir, that you are under oath! Defense Counsel: Objection, your honor. The prosecution is Badgering the witness.

I know it's problematic that my Teddy Ruxpin is possessed but I now have someone to talk to who costs me far less per hour than my therapist.

They decided to put Trump's picture on the US passport because when they tried it on a postage stamp people kept spitting on the wrong side.

I make it a point to show anyone who says "You're better than that" just how wrong they are.

Take A Conspiracy, Leave A Conspiracy

tbh, the problem is that it's me that lives rent-free in my head.

You are going to get replies, and comments, and quotes on social media. That is the deal. I understand those things do drive people away from Bluesky. It's the cost of doing business. Conservatively, 70% of all replies, comments, and quote-posts are awful. Mute and block are your best friends.

This is coming from a place of warmth and acceptance… -It’s ‘sleight of hand’ -It’s ‘bated breath’ -It’s ‘lo and behold’ -It’s ‘one fell swoop’ -It’s ‘brass tacks’ -It’s ‘free rein’

They say Christians can’t take jokes but whenever I post one about them they always do this funny bit and act like they are the most persecuted people in the US and professing it takes an act of bravery because it’s so unpopular and they could get in trouble. That’s hilarious.

If they put his face on my passport, I’m calling it an assport

Had to sign an updated contract with an occasional employer specifying that I won't use AI to write or edit, which is fine with me, as I've never used AI for anything, until just now, because DocuSign offered an AI summary of the twenty-two-page contract, and while I don't like AI, I am not a saint.

Elegant in its simplicity, the pun makes use of the fact that, though the cousins reside in Hazzard, they are also the “Dukes” of danger and mayhem.

BREAKING: Jerome Powell leaves seashell message as he announces his intent to remain on the Federal Reserve Board.

John Michell, English scientist and polymath, first to propose the existence of black holes died on this day in 1793 and I don't feel so great myself.

Nobody talks about how satisfying it is to unsubscribe from an email you’ve been deleting for four years. This is what victory tastes like.

Started a band called ‘Duvet.’ All we play are covers

Happy 3rd anniversary to the cherry tomato that rolled under my refrigerator.

Opening a restaurant named ‘Peace and Quiet’ where kids meals cost $80

Trump and King Charles share a big laugh when they realize that Charles was cheating on Princess Diana with Camilla at the same time that Trump was cheating on Ivana with Marla.

I thought things would go back to normal rather quickly after Covid, but I realize that I'm still a little hesitant to shake hands and I hardly ever French kiss Dominos delivery drivers anymore.

Every time I see someone talk about Claude I think about how they switched from female to male names as soon as they wanted the robots to seem like experts vs personal assistants.

I have lived in Manatee County, Florida for over 20 years but I still catch myself being confused. I'll see a sign for Manatee Dental Care or Manatee Colonoscopy and say to myself that those are unusual subspecialties.

We really need term limits This dictionary dude has been in office since the 1800s.

My girlfriend thinks I don't respect her boundaries. I just wish he had told me face-to-face so I didn't have to read it in her journal.

you are creating a culture of violence against us by accurately reporting on the culture of violence we're gleefully inflicting on others

The only way we're gonna get these gas prices down is if we...**lowers sunglasses**...build that damn ballroom.

Is the president going to stop going to MMA fights since they can’t be held in the ballroom? Is he unsafe at the fights? Is he going to demand an arena be built at the WH now? Or…. Is this just about using this bad thing to justify another stupid thing?

It's gonna get laughed out of court and that will just make the president even angrier and he will then attempt to indict Comey on the charge of inhaling oxygen or something