I think we need more rickshaws in the USA.

I wish I was a side piece. (fried chicken)

Someone asked me recently if my online persona matched my real life. I recall an answer to this question from "Vodka n' Tots" one of my very favorite Twitter accounts. She responded "Why would I fake this?" 🤪

I just love fall. Bathing in pumpkin spice latte, eating crunchy leaves, eating sweaters knitted from the hair of my neighbors. Hard to pick a favorite really.

It's almost the weekend

this looks like a trick daffy duck would put up to get bugs bunny into "the oval office"

If I wanted to come home and have a moment of peace I probably shouldn't have collected 12 cats.

I guess I'm just sort of old-fashioned but I like a President who knows who he is pardoning and why it is justified.

Living well may well be the best revenge but strychnine is a very close second.

I like my taxes to be used to feed hungry children, not murder innocent fishermen. Cruelty is the Republican Party's oxygen.

I think I'm getting mentally and emotionally healthier. Now when I fantasize about hitting Powerball I'm only envisioning spending 50% on revenge-related activities.

I thought Bad Bunny was that little rabbit eating my flowers.

Please, Sandwich Guy is my father. You can call me Sandy.

the free sample lady must have called them when i wouldn’t leave

If my heart is ever bursting, I hope it's with joy

This doesn’t work. I know this now. www.foxla.com/news/monopol...

The amazing thing is that the guy had enough money to waste a sandwich in this economy. 🤤

🥪

VOICEOVER: in the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet entirely opposite, groups: the police, who are afraid of sandwiches, and sandwich wielders, armed with food consisting of two pieces of bread filled with meat, cheese, and vegetables. these are their stories.

Feast on the particulars at www.emophilips.com

Starting to feel like a rube pushing myself professionally when people like Kash Patel exist

ORLANDO! I'm comin' down there to try to capture Florida Man once and for all and whatnot. Thought I'd do some shows while I'm there. November 14th and 15th. Let's laugh it off!

Sometimes I make the sound effect to go along with the joy leaving my body. *blerrrrp*

Working on notes to distribute to friends, things I want them to say if they're interviewed after if I'm killed or arrested, but I don't want to push it so far they refuse, so I'm going with "He was okay" "Eh" and "Who?" on the one hand and "Yeah, sounds like him" "Figures" and "Who?" on the other.

I kiss my biceps after each skeet

Once you have over a thousand followers here, you can die a success. You guys go first

1. JD Vance dismissed Tuesday's election as “a couple of elections in blue states.” But there were significant contests around the country, including in purple and red states. From coast to coast, voters rejected the MAGA agenda. Let's review. 🧵 popular.info/p/six-electi...

Tucker Carlson is extremely normal

... to form a more perfect union

I used to get a dopamine rush attending events. Now I get a dopamine rush putting upcoming events on my calendar and then canceling them when they roll around.

finance guys on twitter are like "can't believe zohran hired lina khan. she wants to make it illegal to bundle memecoin futures into junk stocks and sell them to public worker pension plans. the public won't stand for it."

I’ve said it before but reading all the medieval history books I’ve been reading lately has been so comforting. Makes you realize that there have always been mad and incompetent kings and they almost always die in ignominy and everyone piles shit on them for centuries after they’re gone.

JD Vance/George Santos '28 🇺🇸

Important read from @drmoore.bsky.social on the defense of corruption of the church: www.christianitytoday.com/2025/11/nazi...

And they're living it up with dancing girls at Mar-a-Lago and drinking bubbly at the new Café de Rose Garden and hitting companies up for Trump's opulent ballroom and squeezing a 747 from Qatar and selling watches and crypto and sneakers and otherwise making a mint. It shouldn't be hard at all.

Mamdani’s parents are from India. Dad a professor & mom respected film maker-Mira Nair. Harvard grad- full scholarship. Her films won 2 Cannes Film Festival awards, 4 Venice Film Festival, 2 BAFTA nominations, 2 César Awards, two Academy Award nominations. She helps India’s street children.

Heartbreaking: Under Trump's ICE terror, a 2-year-old Chicago girl was tear-gassed while walking with her mom-burning eyes, screams of 'Ouch! Mommy!' This isn't enforcement; it's state-sponsored child abuse.

Every single candidate Trump endorsed lost last night.

Indict first, investigate second Trump's hand-picked prosecutor fumbles her first grand jury while targeting Comey for vendetta, not justice. Even the judge sees through this farce. One marvels: inexperienced insurance lawyer prosecutes FBI director because Trump demanded it.

Man woman camera tv

It really is pretty shocking that Mamdani won even after referring to his dad’s cousin as his aunt when she was really his first cousin once removed

Every single post I have ever saved has been by accident or act of God.

The Wendy's girl has let herself go

Donald's complete inability to understand how *anything* works is only exceeded by his ridiculous delusions of grandeur.

Thursday, 4:01pm "Still there." "Yep." "Looks blue." "It certainly does." "Wet too." "Totally." "See you next week?" “Count on it."

Florida man faces over 30 years in prison for pulling gun on Taco Bell 🌮 workers who asked him to speed up his order at a Satellite Beach drive-thru. www.floridatoday.com/videos/news/...

She said she was leaving me for someone less toxically positive. Everything happens for a reason!

You don't realise how dull your life is until someone asks what your hobbies are.

We all have those 478 people we can't stand