Wilde Thingy
@wildethingy.bsky.social
📤 6603
📥 499
📝 1631
pinned post!
Not going is the new leaving early.
5 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
ceej
about 13 hours ago
I fell for a psyop I saw on TV that convinced me to eat a cheeseburger
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The smart phone killed the hobby
about 9 hours ago
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Freud: you are a slave to your unconscious impulses. Mrs Freud: really? Freud: All your dreams are about penises. Mrs Freud: OK... Freud: My ego is fucking super and I WANT TO FUCK MY MOTHER! Mrs Freud: *takes away his cocaine*
3 days ago
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I never knew what to do with my hands in photographs until I discovered how cool I look doing karate.
13 days ago
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Hugely suspicious that the only bird that ever quothed was the raven. Why has a penguin never quoth?
17 days ago
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I didn't lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.
17 days ago
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I didn't lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.
17 days ago
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I run a parody bank account.
19 days ago
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I'm not watching the news any more. It's not because it's scary or depressing or anything like that. I just find it all so depressingly stupid.
21 days ago
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Aren't hipsters just repackaged nerds?
24 days ago
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I have a bottomless boat full of troubles. Though the first and most pressing of those troubles is my boat has no bottom.
25 days ago
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ChatGPT been completely no help in coming up with ideas about how best to redecorate this haunted whale corpse.
about 1 month ago
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I'm just one decent laminator away from owning a very convincing licence to kill.
about 1 month ago
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I flirted with disaster and now I'm married.
about 1 month ago
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Though we all kinda know, it's impossible to define exactly what gist means.
about 1 month ago
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Me *lowering pizza into the freezer* "I love you." Pizza "I know."
about 1 month ago
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Wilde Thingy
Daniel Sugarman
about 1 month ago
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has now achieved the impressive accolade of becoming the first ever presenter of Channel 4's Alternative Christmas Message to have been taken out by an Israeli airstrike.
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I only use balsamic vinegar made from the finest of ballsams.
about 2 months ago
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"Question everything!" "Why?"
about 2 months ago
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Just remember, death is more scared of you than you are of it.
about 2 months ago
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I'm a happy pig in the sheets and an unhappy philosopher on the streets
about 2 months ago
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Me *Entering the afterlife* Oh fuck, there's more!
2 months ago
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Me "I sold my soul for inconceivable powers" Her "Cool. What powers?" Me "They're inconceivable so I have no way of knowing."
2 months ago
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I'm so glad there was no social media when I had a soul.
2 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Henry Mance
2 months ago
think I'm correct in saying that constitutionally you can't change prime minister during a Winter Olympics
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Maybe it's true that I never take responsibility for my own mistakes, but I blame my parents.
2 months ago
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Apophenia is: “the human tendency to perceive a connection or meaningful pattern between unrelated or random things.” Once you know about it, you see it everywhere.
2 months ago
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[stuck in a lift] Me: Oh God! Mine artist *mimes being stuck in a smaller lift* Me: OH GOD!
2 months ago
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Me: I like what you've done with your eyebrows. Her: That's not my eyebrows. That's my chihuahua.
2 months ago
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Classic Starmer: here's a thing I think should happen but I, as prime minister, am not going to do anything about it.
add a skeleton here at some point
2 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him)
2 months ago
I'd been using my new hand-mirror for over 6 months before I realized it was actually a framed stock photo of a much less handsome man.
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They say ignorance kills. How I wish that was true.
2 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Viktor Winetrout
3 months ago
interviewer: is there anything more you could tell us about yourself? cookie monster: me want cooki- interviewer: besides that
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Wilde Thingy
mr potato
3 months ago
i bet the first surgeon was probably like “eww”
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Wilde Thingy
batkaren (a/k/a kt roth)
3 months ago
Fuck “the summer you turned pretty”—tell me about the season you went absolutely batshit weirdo.
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Thank god today is 1st February, bringing to an end my grim month of alcohol free Tuesdays.
2 months ago
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*spends 20 years learning origami. *folds the perfect paper girlfriend. *gets serious paper cuts. *dies of a broken heart.
2 months ago
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Me: Why does this cheese taste like soap? Wife: Probably for the same reason you smell like cheese.
3 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
You had sex with a clown? Well that's just fucking funny.
8 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Jack Bernhardt
3 months ago
was privileged enough to go to an advanced screening, and don't believe what the critics are saying - MELANIA is a triumph. Yes the dance numbers lag a bit, and the Trump birthday sex scene is a smidge long, but the bit in the airlock where the Melania bursts out of Zachary Levi's stomach? Inspired.
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You are my machine. I am your ghost. - Cartesian dualist sext
3 months ago
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The most important force in human history is stupidity and if you need proof... *gestures at everything*
3 months ago
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Enjoy the best of both worlds with a dogmatic cat. Or a catatonic dog.
3 months ago
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How much chocolate is too much chocolate before it is technically no longer a salad?
3 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Sharon
3 months ago
“did you see that Brianna Wu was flirting with Elisabeth Holmes by talking about cutting off Brian Johnson’s Johns-“ You bolt awake. You are not online. You are General Hannibal. It is 218 BC. You have seen the future and it cannot come to pass. Rome must burn.
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Sometimes I worry I'm doing life all wrong if I ever want to be rich and successful
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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Stop trying to make Reform's latest recruit look bad with all these accurate stories from his past!
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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Her: I don't believe in coincidences. Me: OMG! Me neither!
3 months ago
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Wave your hands in the air like you just don't understand the concept of having genuine empathy for anyone else.
3 months ago
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Wilde Thingy
Wendy
3 months ago
My look today was isolated wind gust
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