💗A romcom style Meet Cute 🤝Teamwork making the dream work 💀Goths 💥RIOTS AND WARS 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Some very supportive aunts & uncles It's Byzantine Power Couple Justinian & Theodora! I am available to play a range of other injured background people if your project calls for one.

well, 2016 was a hard year, but we made it through. hopefully 2016 will be better.

New Year, New Term and so there is also a brand new Team Tasking task. The latest task is set by the tasking experts at Bredon Hill Academy (and @alexhorne.bsky.social) and you can check it out here… youtu.be/RguDKxktEQk?... Good luck. #TeamTasking #Taskmaster #TaskmasterEducation

hope you have a rubbish new year... NOT!!! (ending sentences with NOT is back in 2026, pass it on)

every New Year's there's one person trapped inside the top pod of the London Eye during the fireworks, screaming like the policeman in The Wickerman

SHE'S SINGING THE CHICKEN RUN SONG #hootenanny

Wait, what?

in many cultures it's actually frowned upon to hoot a nanny. and yet here, at this most sacred of hours, we encourage it. for shame

Don’t want to spoil the magic but every Hootennany was filmed in a week in the summer of 2006

Sorry, but the answer is “Don And Jeff: Time Pedophiles” theonion.com/trump-denies...

🚨 IMPORTANT: If you begin playing In The Night Garden Series 1 Episode 14 at exactly 11:42:02 PM then the Pinky Ponk will crash into a tree at exactly midnight. Start the new year off right.

WHAT'S NEXT??? NECTAR CARDS FOR DOGS???

Here's another one I like. This one's from Sam Morril:

wow, I did NOT have that on my 2026 bingo card! [holds up bingo card, the only thing written on it is "the fragile peace between The Pontipines and The Wottingers from In The Night Garden will collapse, leading to a brutal and bloody civil war"]

my hot prediction for 2026 is Generation Alpha is going to move on from "6-7" and will instead weaponise the "el-em-en-oh-peee" bit of the alphabet song

if the London NYE Fireworks doesn't have a giant drone display of the guy getting kicked in the balls by the robot I'm kicking off

heads up for parents of two year olds, hearing reports that Wind The Bobbin Up is OVER in 2026. we're leaving that shit in 2025. don't even THINK about even so much as pointing at a window or pointing at a door next year

One year since I posted this. One year since everybody treated it like a joke. One year of watching my back. Tell me: have you seen much of Harry Styles this past year? Tim Davie's gone a bit quiet too, hasn't he?

lol man it feels weird learning a guy just died and spending the next hour laughing

I once had the pleasure of sitting next to former President Bill Clinton on a flight to a mutual friend's private island, surprisingly down to earth!

so many greats, I think about this one a lot

really got into audiobooks this year with the Libby app, where you can borrow audiobooks from your local library - favourites were Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë and North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell! ALL GOOD STUFF!

[office] ME: ugh, crap. just turned on Al Mode by accident, now I can't get rid COWORKER: ah hate that, can you restart ME: no, he'll be here soon COWORKER: y- wait, what? [a heavyset man with an obvious erection bursts in] AL MODE: [heavy New York accent] WHICH ONE OF YOU PRICKS MADE ME HORNY, HUH

Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year's Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I've been doing this all year. Where were you back in May

This is still so good.

I'm not a realist. Some of my best friends are real.

why is this so vague and ominous

please quote this with your minor interactions with major celebrities. or with your major [static]-eractions with minor celebrities. or with any interact-[static] with anyone. please just quote th-[static]-signal-[static]-fading [static]-just tell me I'm not alone out he-[cuts out]

Please quote this with your major interactions with massive celebrities. eg “I was married to the pope for fifteen years”

I once had the pleasure of sitting next to former President Bill Clinton on a flight to a mutual friend's private island, surprisingly down to earth!

[office] ME: ugh, crap. just turned on Al Mode by accident, now I can't get rid COWORKER: ah hate that, can you restart ME: no, he'll be here soon COWORKER: y- wait, what? [a heavyset man with an obvious erection bursts in] AL MODE: [heavy New York accent] WHICH ONE OF YOU PRICKS MADE ME HORNY, HUH

Warden of Barchester Hospital, regrettably

EXCUSE ME WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

I KNEW IT

genuinely very funny that this is basically what the UK government are now doing with Alaa Abd El Fattah

the fact that this character in Zootropolis 2 was not voiced by Brian Cox feels illegal

*pushes up glasses* actually I think you'll find in the Johnson adminstration

what if George Orwell wasn't saying that and actually he was just really bad at maths

my new year's resolution is to wish for a million extra resolutions, CHECKMATE GENIE

I think the use of Rockwell by American billionaire populists predates Trump - according to When The Clock Broke, Ross Perot also tried to use his aesthetic to create a folksy authenticity

HEY LOOK IT'S THAT GUY I AM

got LOTS of thoughts about Zootropolis/Zootopia 2, mostly positive - interesting how, like Frozen 2, it tackles the discovery that the foundational myth of society is based on a lie, and criticising the power structures that uphold it. both intriguing films in the context of America in the 2020s...

look guys. you've had your fun with the citizenship stripping. there will be no more citizenship stripping today.

"I don't know who needs to hear this butt" - a celebrity judge unsure about sending a contestant through to the next round of Britain's Most Musical Butt

Top Adrian Chiles Columns of 2025: I’ve given up wild swimming. So why does my Volvo smell like mince? Should I tell the postman he has halitosis? My first wife wouldn’t let me wear shorts. I buried my father with my bare hands. It’s time we stopped talking about glamping. 1/3

little do my detractors know that I have been keeping a record of every single word I have ever said. When I reach what I predict will be the midpoint of my life I will then recite all of them again, but in reverse order and backwards, thus breaking the record for longest palindrome ever