There should be a movie called “all cats are big now” where all cats are suddenly 10 feet tall and hunting their owners and Patrick Wilson is a scientist looking at a screen and it shows a graph of cats being small and then big with an arrow pointing at big and he takes off his glasses dramatically

Bobcat is short for Robertcatherine

i see the kennedy centre are continuing the establishment’s soft cancellation of bill maher

Help me settle an argument. My girlfriend says I run to bsky for backup every time we argue. I disagree.

It is my belief that rhinos and hippos are husband and wife

DLY IS GODS PERFECT ANGEL SHE DID NOTHING WRONG! FREE DLY

FREE @dly.bsky.social

it’s so wild that they are still called podcasts when ipods have been discontinued, that would be like calling a music award after the gramophone

if ten years of a post-brexit relationship between the uk and eu have taught me anything, it’s that the british need to TALK LOUDER AND SLOWER

THE INVENTOR OF THE FUNERAL: what if I told you that I could give you something to cry about

considering how long items been part of mainstream conversation, it was only very recently that i learned what sharia means: it means law when you say sharia law it’s like you’re saying chai tea, naan bread or taiko drum

isaac chotiner seems like he could be the world’s best and also least popular therapist

It’s a red flag to be a guy

I love watching Americans talk about how Starmer is a cautionary tale for Democrats – friends, 18 months ago we were saying the same about Harris and Labour

Cautionary tale is simply a language the centre left do not speak

Supreme Court rules 6-3 that it’s OK for white people to say the N-word, there wasn’t a case or anything they just went ahead and ruled it

You do the math! (you do the monster math)

Sometimes you gotta listen to an old coot. Codger’s got a point sometimes, gotta hear out a kook every once in a while.

This week on NonCensored, we are joined by Doctor Five, a meteorologist from the future - who predicts sunny weather ahead!! NonCensored: improvised topical character comedy, out every Friday in all the best podcast apps. podfollow.com/NonCensored

you’re not my real wolf!! you’re just my steppenwolf!!

atop maslow’s hierarchy of needs is me kissing my dogs little heads

Ranking the attributes of my current GF vs my ex GF

Yeah, you think this is hot but you should have been there in 1976. I saw the postman spontaneously combust on our step at 7am. We made jam from ladybirds. Water evaporated as soon as you turned the tap on. Did we whinge about it? No. We just slathered ourselves in lard and played out for 16 hours.

"was the 911 strike on the pentagon non-consensual gender reassignment surgey" the greatest debate in the history of mumsnet, closed by the met police after 40,000 pages of heated debate

If I can smell your barbecue I should be legally allowed to have some.

All of my worst posts originate with me being bored in a queue

FUCK

does anyone know what is real and true anymore or not really

all of those clearance dads have dents in them don’t bother

OH NO, I THINK THEY CAN SEE MY POSTS, MOM.

i forgot i was watching 𝘔𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘰 which really enhanced the experience

I wish i could send this entire app to posting school

fill a room full of jokes, call that amuseum

Does anyone know when Burnham will plan to resign so I can get it in my calendar for next year? Might try and be on holiday for it. If he can line it up with a Bank Holiday weekend all the better.

BALLS MEET EGGPLANT

some people think a plunging neckline is sexy but i prefer a backless dress so i can show off my bones

Guy At Drive-Thru: “We have Coke, Diet Coke, Coke Zero…” 7th Century Mathematician Brahmagupta: “Coke WHAT?”

Age gracefully? No thanks, I plan to age clumsily.

Luigi Mangione should just announce his run for American President then no matter the outcome of the case America can’t send him to prison.

DO NOT PUBLISH UNTIL NEWS IS CONFIRMED A look back at the PM's political career

starmer should release the smallest resignation honours list ever, just so we can use the headline “two peer keir”

My neighbor told me a cat keeps eating his british prime minister so I asked how many PMs he has and he said he just goes to the commons and gets a new PM afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding PMs to a cat and then his daughter started crying.

I recently caught an STD from a Catholic priest after a Grindr hookup. During treatment it was discovered I had early stage prostate cancer, treated successfully with radiation. Mysterious ways indeed.

A lot of people don't realise this but in the UK we have to replace our Prime Minister every two or three years or else the rights revert back to Marvel

Fun fact: unless I've gone wrong somewhere, Clement Attlee and Ted Heath are the ONLY prime ministers in British history whose time as PM began with winning a General Election and ended with losing one. And both of them eventually lost to the same man they initially beat.

Hopefuly we are getting to the point that the PM will just be a giant wicker figurine that can be burned ritually every year to stop the crops from failing

I will fuck and murder the sun

the most yorkshire name at the world cup is hugo ekky tyke

Do you think as the spouse of a Prime Minister you’d get the ick having to watch them resign on the street