Can someone please explain to this bloke what this April 2025 article means about how VAR ‘currently’ adjudicates offsides before I have a stroke?

A ‘natural line’ in the grass 😂

The long-awaited autobiography from Laurence Fox.

Unbeaten in 2026

That’s the best goal I’ve ever seen an estate agents score.

Here’s the bit where Slot gives everyone minutes so their parents don’t kick off.

Buzzing for 90 minutes of Liverpool knocking it around on the edge of the opposition box with no idea what to do.

Mind you, Haaland was born in Yorkshire too so 😂

If you can crack the Calvert-Lewin code he’s absolutely lethal. The Yorkshire Haaland. Only Ancelotti and Farke have managed it.

When you’ve got Man Utd at 12:30 and a new kitchen to fit at 4.

Sue Smith looks like a school administrator who is a total cunt for no reason.

Pay £30.99 per month for TNT and after the sounds goes off for five minutes the commentators come and and sneer about people complaining on social media. Think the word you’re looking for is ‘sorry’.

Today is the 23rd anniversary of me moving to Newcastle. I’m 46 now so it’s literally half my life 😬

My 10 year anniversary at graft today. A stark reminder of the relentless march of time.

One minute you’re a kid, the next you’ve got a child older than the world darts champion.

Fellas dressed as Ali G at #thedarts in 2025 is weird. It's like going out on Millennium Eve dressed as Rigsby

The BlueSky algorithm is a curious thing. Oh, you like dogs? Then you’ll LOVE kinky men dressed as dogs!

Wish all football was like this old firm. Fucking hell. Throw away the tactics and get stuck in!

Aasgaard is named after Thelonious Monk and releases music under the name THXLO. Not sure there has ever been a cooler football.

Really annoying that I’ve missed a Gateshead managerial change because I’ve quit X, and also can’t easily check the weather status of today’s local fixtures.

sport getting called off is as enjoyable as watching sport, imo. rain stopping play makes tms miles better. on frosty mornings like today i love scrolling through seeing which fixtures have succumbed to the conditions. weirdly, some of my most vivid city memories are of abandoned or postponed games.

And if Bari Weiss saved your life, or got you back with your ex-wife 🎶

🎵In the Jungle, The Mighty Jungle🎵

Call me a basic bitch but I love a Harlan Coben.

Stop putting lovely pints on my timeline I’m doing ‘Dry Jan’.

My local is full of people who are having a pint before going to watch the rugby. Gant check shirts covered with 1/4 zip Gant pullovers is the order of the day it seems. I think you have to watch live rugby to even buy a Jack Wolfskin coat.

The eagle-eyed may just about spot my dog here.

Finished my first book of 2026 already! Very funny.

Is this the antithesis of ‘Boxing Day 1963’?

Parklife!

In 2024 I lost both my parents and yet somehow 2025 was worse. No major incidents just the grinding sense of loss and that everything good that can happen in life has already been and gone for me. But we hope for better in 2026.

Fireworks are like Red Hot Chilli Peppers or Mrs Brown’s Boys. Somebody’s enjoying them, but nobody’s owning up to it.

Jodie Comer’s arl fella is the masseuse at Everton

Picture of the staff who operate my account

Can’t drink after midnight because of Dry Janet so I have a great big glass of vino on the go.

all meaning has collapsed in our post-literate society and i wrote a bunch of useless, useless words about it. read it if you, like me, are one of a diminishing minority who still reads www.theverge.com/policy/84960...

I’m the reason Sam Allardyce will be forever associated with chip shops.

Dry Janet

Fellas, add ‘100% NOT PAEDOPHILE’ to your Tinder bio to reassure potential mates.

"It's incredibly chaotic in there - long queues, fraying tempers, children in tears. Fucking brilliant."

All the build up is so exciting but then the day comes and goes and you just feel empty in the aftermath. But that’s enough about Adam Peaty’s wedding.

Sending it now before all the networks get chocker. Happy New Year.

Remember Carnie Wilson being considered some outrageous obese mess at the time!

Went to view a house before and it was full of LFC memorabilia. Some might say it’s fate.

This place is officially better than X although I seem to follow about a million Wirral Evertonians.

Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow is the last day before Dry Jan.

Go round the outside.

I once had to ask a classmate to move because she was stood in Josh Homme’s way.