The most puzzling part of this is how the CIA knew Peter "The Cat" Bonetti would immediately turn into a time-travelling Andy Dibble.

Very strange behaviour from well-known City fan Liam Broady. Okay he was born and raised in Stockport, but they were in the division above us for a season when he was a nipper - which absolutely disqualifies him from using the term 'we'. For the record, I hope they get stuffed.

Letter to The Times today. It appears Andy Burnham is a Half Man Half Biscuit fan. There are worse reasons to be Prime Minister. In fact, there's no better reason. #HMHB

"Where are we, less than two years later?" "You're in a different party." Honest Bob being royally ridiculed in Parliament. Glorious stuff.

The 'best/worst away fans' question by club is always interesting. It seems by general consensus Sunderland's were this season's winners, and I wouldn't argue with that. Bournemouth's correspondent nominating Noel Gallagher as the 'worst fan' made me smile too.

Can't Mrs M just say this directly to him, if that's how she feels? Is he supposed to respond on Insta saying something like "I agree totally, my dearest. Thank you for your support."? Fucking ridiculous state of affairs.

Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 3 skin cancer, so I've been very lucky. My message to fair-skinned types is cover up in the sun, or failing that, slap on the Factor 50. And check for new moles kids, or changes to existing ones. Always check your moles! It may save your bacon.

#ManCityBands Dzeko & the Bunnymen That Petrov Emotion

Poor old slabhead. We've arguably never seen the word 'arguably' doing as much heavy lifting as it is here. He doesn't lack self-belief - I'll give him that.

Does this mean trans men will be banned from male toilets? And won't that just cause more anxiety? They still haven't understood that the Reform knuckle-draggers are not going to vote Labour, regardless.

Seen 2 McCartney interviews today and he hasn't done the scrambled eggs story,what's he fucking doing,unbelievable.💥

The 'Tweedledum' episode of Colditz that David Morrissey got so emotional about on Desert Island Discs recently is up on YouTube and really worth your time if, like me, you haven't previously had the pleasure. Gripping 70s BBC drama with a wonderful lead performance by Michael Bryant.

'City not that different historically to Palace.' Where do you even start with these people?

At this stage wouldn't a sudden outbreak of nondiscriminatory behaviour at Yorkshire be more of a story?

Boredom Shot By Both Sides Rhythm of Cruelty A Song From Under the Floorboards 'Til the Stars in His Eyes Are Dead

Seems like tonight was united’s third biggest game of the season. After the youth cup final and Salford at the Etihad

For all the Arsenal celebrations, you can guarantee no set of fans are having anywhere near as much fun tonight as Portsmouth's. And rightly so.

Congratulations to all the Arsenal fans who aren’t weird.

Winning both domestic cups, giving Arsenal a fright in the league and finishing c. 10 points above Utd is a season we'd have all taken at the start without hesitation. I mention the last bit as I read very recently, on this very platform, that they were somehow 'threatening City's bragging rights'.

Savinho. That'll do the trick (said no one ever, etc).

At the second leg, Saints' fans were singing "we're Southampton, we spy when we want". I'm not convinced that particular song has legs.

Hopefully, when Pep's finally gone, we can start to enjoy ourselves again.

There's a 5k prize for winning the Torygraph Fantasy Football and I'm right in the mix now.

Feels apt. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tc1J...

The David Morrissey Desert Island Discs is great radio. Heavy in parts, but well worth an hour of your time (or slightly under if you fast-forward the rather predictable YNWA). No more spoilers apart from there's a certain episode of Colditz I'll be watching tonight!

Happened to catch some of tonight's Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? and it's done nothing to dissuade me of my conviction that Jeremy fucking Clarkson is one of the UK's very worst people. The rude, patronising twat has absolutely no redeeming features

Slaughterhouse-Five Catch-22 The Catcher in the Rye

I'm a little baffled by the sentimentality surrounding Casemiro's final appearance at OT. Haven't their fans been calling him an overpaid, fat, useless git for three of his four seasons there? Or was that just everybody else?

Right, I'm off to hopefully improve my slightly underwhelming FA Cup final record of three wins, four defeats and one draw! My League Cup final record (7-0) is much more satisfying.

And in the scout hut debate still rages on. Periodically voted for winners of the 'Lux Familiar Cup' are as follows: 2011: A County Practice 2015: National Shite Day 2019: The Light at the End of the Tunnel (is the Light of an Oncoming train) 2023: Oblong of Dreams #HMHB

😂

I've been to 7 of the 42: White Hotel, Salford Deaf Institute, M/cr Trades Club, Hebden Bridge Concorde 2, Brighton Yes, M/cr Albert Hall,M/cr Boiler Shop, Newcastle The wonderful Pop Recs (Sunderland) is my personal fave but is inexplicably missing from the list. www.timeout.com/uk/music/the...

I see where Caroline's coming from but equally, I'm not convinced the Greens should be bending over backwards to help a party who resort to these sort of abysmal tactics.

I'm not normally a World Cup Wall Chart type, but I have to say I'm tempted.

Châteauneuf-du-Pep #celebritywine

I wonder which Burnham will be running! Will it be Blairite Burnham? Or soft-left opposition Burnham? Or soft-right opposition Burnham? Or practical zip-up jacket mayoral Burnham? So exciting, like Bowie.

If we do that we'll have to listen to Eric Clapton records again.

Sounds like United's fans are taking this kids match *very* seriously. An example of what happens when you become accustomed to playing second fiddle.

I've been thinking about this, and have to concur that Burnham merely having an amiable face, a non-whiny normal voice and being a genuine football fan (eg, not getting the club you supposedly 'support' mixed up, or supporting Arsenal, which is almost as bad), ludicrously, will go a long way.

You have to give it up for David Nobbs. This exchange between Reggie Perrin and Jimmy might be the most-relevant two minutes of television you could see in 2026 and it's nearly 50 years old. www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJ-9...

'The housing crisis is real. The demographic change is real. The analysis connecting the two is a fabrication.' The most important message of this excellent piece by Simon Pearson, and the truth of which is becoming ever more difficult to convince Facebook Uncle of.

Wes Streeting saves Come Dine With Me recipes to his online scrapbook.

Grrrr...

Loving these jokes about turning up at Downing St with some cans and fried chicken, it's funny cos it references the erratic behaviour of an addict shortly before the suicide of his murderer friend

"Why does that Polanski bloke seem to appeal to the electorate much more than I do? It's because he doesn't wear a tie, isn't it? That's it! That's the answer!"

Tonight I walked 25 mins to watch a free gig with a 7:15 pm stage time for the headline act, who played a fab set that included a couple of my all-time fave songs. A decent selection of ales were on offer at c. £4.50 pp. There's really no need to subject yourself to the dispiriting arena experience.

Arsenal F.C. - the very definition of anti-establishment.

I've just watched The Distractions (supported by Fast Cars) at the Spinning Top in Stockport. Pleased to confirm that they're still nothing less than flippin' magic.