RIP to this delightful oddball. Even if you couldn't care less about cricket, there is something delightful about a person so utterly absorbed by one thing for his whole life, so devoted to it. (Also he adored meeting the Queen and did it 29 times, which is a charming sidebar.)

Overheard in the street: 'have you had Frankie And Benny's garlic dip, man, it's like jizz'. Remarkably niche observation. I wanted to ask if he had a Bluesky account.

One day history students will study his eight years in power and they will dismiss videos like this as deepfakes because the alternative is to believe this is the President of the USA actually talking.

@quantick.bsky.social Did you do a thread about how Michael Caine, by Madness, was 'the best song by...' but a different band?

(QUIETLY) I watched the new Naked Gun and although perfectly diverting I didn’t think it was as funny as people have made out, but maybe the problem is the originals were the funniest thing I’d seen in my life because I was 12? Anyway, have a nice evening.

You have to give it to Great Western: they are sensationally bad at running trains. Since privatisation there have been some real shower-of-shit rail networks but GWR are different league. They simply cannot do trains. It’s a masterclass.

Donald Trump is coming to my tour opener in Cambridge tonight. He asked for four tickets and I didn't know how to say no politely. We're also going to Pizza Express beforehand. I haven't even met the guy before.

When a shop assistant asks ‘anything else?’ I often catch myself going ‘that’s all *for now*’ as if they need me to keep alive the hope that I might return later that day.

The day after our visit to you disaster struck for Patricia & Peter when their house caught fire. Roof destroyed - no one hurt & much saved - but rebuilding will take a long time.

Please, what older song does Take A Sexy Picture Of Me by CMAT remind me of? The chorus. It's bugging me. We used to solve things like this on Twitter. I'm just saying.

This brilliant photo sort of sums up why I love sport. Just an astonishing human achievement. Also, stupid, pointless thing to do. Both can be true.

Flipside: it's annoying when you meet someone who's loaded and they are ALSO funny and cool. Out of fairness, it should be either/or.

In 'Friday I'm In Love' is he really saying he's prepared to have a heart attack in the middle of the week? I'd want HUGE Friday plans to be in place if that was the tradeoff.

So there you go. You could own more than half my life’s written work for a fiver. But you’d still need time to read the books. I think it’s time more than money that deters people from reading.

I didn’t know this, but my still new novel is 99p on Kindle. How do the economics of that work for anyone, you ask? Oh, they don’t. But I just want people to read it, and lots of 99p purchases would also make me look better, so please consider gambling just under a pound on it.

It is fine to call it soccer, although I wouldn’t myself; it is wrong to take the piss out of Americans for it; the word originated here, in public schools, to differentiate ‘association’ football from rugby. Evening all!

I can't believe Banksy remains unchallenged for the length of time it must take to do these things. Pretty much EVERY go I've had at spending ten or so hours drawing a lion on a prison wall or whatnot, someone's come out and gone 'knock it off, mate'. It's two-tier justice.

This frontispiece in my book just made me laugh a lot. Is this Buddhist reincarnation, or some other form of afterlife?

A couple of people have said similar. Can anyone well-informed adjudicate on whether bees are getting bigger, please?

At the age of 45 I've just seen the biggest bee of my life so far. Enormous. It was, I'm not exaggerating, the size of a Fiat Punto. I am exaggerating a bit there. But for a bee it was VERY large indeed. Christ. What a bee.

Sure, being enslaved to an algorithm is bad, but I don’t think social media ‘should’ be boring. I don’t think anything should be boring! Life is brief and there to be enjoyed! My feed isn’t boring at all. I just only look at it every so often.

I often see people saying we live in the worst possible timeline and I know it’s bleak but we don’t, because Too Little Too Late (by JoJo; a stone cold classic) was almost recorded by the Pussycat Dolls. Can you fucking IMAGINE.

I saw The Godfather way too young and it made me afraid of godfathers

Train is delayed because of someone trespassing on the line and the woman opposite me loudly declares that 'we should just mow them down' and the driver is 'being too considerate', nice to be back on my travels.

After a summer break (by the loosest possible definition, since August was also the most 'content'-heavy month of the year, as always) I will be BACK LIVE AT FIVE on Instagram. At five. Well, the clue's in the title.

@andrewmale.bsky.social Hello. In my parents' attic during a recent clearout I found loads of my old Melody Makers from the 90s. I opened one at random and you'd reviewed an indie album claiming it was 'the worst record ever made'. I'm just interested whether you can remember what it was.

If your meal arrives in a restaurant or pub and it's just too small, you should be able to say 'come on, that's too small' and they go ok, fair play, and top you up. I don't know exactly how we police it but let's try.

As you get older, more and more unlikely songs from your youth crop up as dance remixes or IN dance tracks. I wasn't expecting 'Wonderful Life' by Black to get the treatment and I have to say it wasn't a good experience.

What’s going on here? Are they two versions of the same publication? But if so why bother publishing both? But if NOT, how can two magazines be this close to identical?

This is very bad news, and if you were looking to buy a book any time soon, do it from these guys if you can.

when you try and talk to me during sex

In other ‘the merciless passing of time’ news, happy 49th to Tim Key today. I was at his 25th and I remember thinking, wow, imagine being *25*.

Daughter’s first day at secondary school. I guess that’s me more or less done. Time to retire gracefully from public life, bar a surprise appearance on Would I Lie To You in 20 or so series’ time which thrills viewers ‘of a certain age’.

In the end, it's going to come down to whether you believe it's important that a song, or a poem, or novel, or whatever, was made by another human; whether you believe that's what art *is*, an expression of our shared humanity. If not, well, goodnight and good luck I guess.

If I live roughly to my mid-seventies, how many people do you think I will have met by the time I'm on my deathbed? And how many people could you expect me to know by name? (We assume I continue to live in cities, fairly sociably.) All estimates welcome, thanks all.

It has come to my attention that 'sexy Watto' has been a thing on Bluesky for at least the last 24 hours. I won't be investigating further but I'd like to say it's about time.

If you're thinking you'd like to see my show this week YOU CAN'T, I'M ON HOLIDAY, IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN JUST GO ON HOLIDAY AND NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING

That was the 2025 Edinburgh Fringe. I did forty or so performances, saw twenty-ish shows, was also involved in producing twenty. A generally buoyant, invigorating atmosphere this year. Thanks to everyone for letting me continue to bang on at you and amplify others’ banging on. ❤️

One thing I don’t miss about Twitter is long threads going ‘stop what you’re doing and listen. We don’t talk enough about…’ and you’d hear them out for 34 tweets and conclude, no, we talk about it the exact right amount I reckon.

It’s an irony that Discord seems to be a place people build quite harmonious communities online, whereas the entire rest of the internet in 2025 SHOULD be called Discord.

The more things I've made, the less I've been interested in publicly criticizing the things that other people make, because once you make a few things you start to understand what a miracle it is that anything gets made at all

Just 2 more shows left at the Fringe and it would be lovely to make them sell outs. If you like stand up and political comedy you’ll enjoy my show - and it’s on at 12.50 so barely clashes with anything! Start your afternoon with some laughs… edinburgh.justthetonic.com/event/88:4930/

This is my best review, 9 Likes, wtf

Hello! In case you sent something for this, in July: there were lots of submissions, more than I imagined, and the project - like so many of my projects - is a bigger undertaking than I thought. With the expertise of @matryer.bsky.social, however, it is slowly coming together.

I’ve seen several things dismissed as ‘clearly AI’ when they’re, in fact, just good examples of photography or art. Important to remember humans ARE still out there busily and ingeniously making stuff.

I’ve been coming to Scotland very summer since 2000 and I really do love it - obviously - but it’s remarkably family-unfriendly. Well behind England, which is itself behind most of Europe, Australia, North America. Kids are just small people! Make them welcome!

This was really fun and will be available in its entirety on the well known website YouTube.

Plenty of nice ones coming in; we could still do with more for ‘other matters’, which opens up all aspects of existence essentially.

YouTube phenomenon (my words) Yes, How Can I Help returns with a LIVE episode today in Edinburgh. Weirdly it is sold out. If you’re coming please bring a question. If you can’t, submit queries here. Possible topics are below.