Amazed that foul on Wirtz wasn’t given as a penalty. Would be a foul anywhere else on the pitch.

‘The off-white, the cream, the bone, the ivory or the beige?’

Celebs doing cricket commentary: No 1: Nick Cave ‘The run-starved Labuschagne trots to the wicket like an eager mongrel unaware he’s about to be shot. Death is the kindest outcome for hell’s outcast. Brydon Carse cocks the pistol. He misses.’

With Andy Serkis as CGI Brian Johnston.

It must be enshrined into law that all meteorologists have to pronounce ‘weatherbomb’ in the voice of Inspector Clouseau.

Idea for the cricket commentary. Alan Partridge fronting it. Co-commentators: Ness from Gavin & Stacey, Hacker (CBBC), Philomena Cunk, Bob Mortimer, Alan Carr and Jonathan Agnew.

Counterpoint: Au contraire. Always go full Cantona.

Favourite Ashes moment. Beleaguered commentator Rob Hatch on air after Jamie Smith’s run out. Pics show the run out. Hatch: OH NO! DISASTER! IT’S HAPPENED AGAIN. TWICE IN ONE OVER. Cook quietly tells him it’s a replay. Silence. Pure Alan Partridge.

I see Spurs fans turning against Thomas Frank now. Nuno, Conte, Ange and now Frank all struggling there. From an outsiders’ point of view it’s pretty clear the problem is not the manager.

Where now for England? Mccullum has been very good for England but by his own metric he’s come up short and his approach has meant England were underprepared in just about every area you can think of (e.g. no back-up batters or wicket-keeper, no fielding coach etc).

Brentford 5th! Amazing job by Keith Andrews who was one of the favourites to get the sack first.

Chelsea with their 8th red card of the season and three players booked for protesting. Such a bunch of petulant, over privileged twats. And now the fans unhappy that they’re losing again are chanting for the return of Roman Abramovich!

I have seized the tanker/president/land and while you were probably thinking of something else Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so Epsteiny

I have been in a managers meeting all day. The big boss encouraged us to use ‘bluesky thinking’ so I made several knob jokes and ignored anything political.

World Cup latest:

Difficult to articulate just how good that innings from Bethell was. In at the end of the first over and then Boland & Neser were superb. One point Boland had bowled 10 overs 1-13 (too good for Root). Compare that with the tripe Potts and Carse were serving up.

Sensational innings from Bethell and given Brook’s continued brain meltdowns, Bethell may well have leapfrogged him in the line to take over from Stokes as test captain when Stokes decides to stand down.

I know the answer to this. It’s because he’s a psychopathic cunt.

‘Satirical magazine.’

"This is Your Life" reboot where the host invites awful people to the show and then spends two hours making them feel ashamed of themselves

Jim Ratcliffe could save United millions if he fired the *guy responsible for hiring and firing Amorim and his staff. A tale in three parts… * Jim Ratcliffe

For me, the main difference between England & Australia can be summed up by one word: discipline. The discipline not to play daft shots at inappropriate times, the discipline to concentrate in the field and the discipline to maintain consistent line and lengths when bowling.

Doing a bit more than first thought. Crawley’s jagged back a lot, Bethell got a beauty and Boland now nipping the ball around a fair bit. Has also swung more than other grounds in the series.

This looks a very good wicket for batting. Can England bat properly and only be about 5 down at the end of the day? Can’t remember the last time they did that.

Marvellous to be with you for the first and last time this year. England win the toss and will bat. No Bashir. No Murphy. No spinner in Sydney.

“Sir, two ‘yourselfs and a ‘fateful’ have arrived on The Traitors.”

“Unorthodox and contrary to international law…”

Well, if it’s 3 January, it must be... YES, THAT’S RIGHT! It’s the 110th anniversary of legendarily unhinged soldier Adrian Paul Carton de Wiart losing his left eye. It was surgically removed after he’d been shot in it the previous November in Somaliland...🧵

“Unorthodox and contrary to international law…”

This is the first time in history that the holder of the FIFA Peace prize has captured the leader of a sovereign nation.

Rereading The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell. A masterpiece- starts off with 15 year-old Holly storming out of home and then meets her at various stages of her life through different characters. Whose voices does she hear and what have they got to do with the eternal battle between good and evil?

Blimey, January’s dragging on a bit.

Yep - that’s me you tarts.

On this day 1660: first entry of Samuel Pepys’ diary.

Always get nostalgic at this time and remember one year when I was about 8 turning round and my gran was crying. I told her it would all be Ok and I thought she was sad because she was missing grandad but now I realise it was probably because Cilla Black was singing.

The stages of New Year’s Eve

While I don’t disagree with this point, there’s a bigger issue. So many sports are moving from quality to ‘sports entertainment.’ Just look at the move from test/50 overs/t20 and the 100. Also the farce happening in boxing with YouTubers fighting pros & even the weird tennis match this week.

Love this from Greg Chappell Memo to Australia and England: honour the format that has elevated you www.espncricinfo.com/story/memo-t...

Sports photo of the year goes to Cole Palmer for his ‘what’s he doing here?’ reaction to Trump being on the podium at the club World Cup competition.

What a whining joke of a club Forest are now. Brian Clough will be turning in his grave. Regarding the incident in question, if you look closely, it’s actually Gibbs-White who fouls O’Reilly.

This from @vizcomic.bsky.social will never get old.

Start of 2025 - End of 2025

‘Question or nominate? ‘Nominate Donald.’ ‘Donald, which former paedophile’s unredacted files are the Department of Justice illegally withholding in direct violation of the Files’ Transparency Act?’

PHWOARR

Pulled pork tonight. Had it in the oven all day. Will show you later.

Just mended the dishwasher

‘No no, you have it all wrong. Stuart Broad edged the ball into Brad Haddin’s gloves where it ricocheted to slip and as batters rarely walk - especially Australians - the vilification is completely unwarranted. If anyone should be castigated, it’s Haddin for dropping the catch.’

Delighted to have just been made aware of sports presenter Noah Eagle who looks like the bastard love child of David Walliams and Mark Lamarr.

This is a lovely little story and proof that this Australian side is full of some very decent people - Head, Cummins, Starc and Boland are all cracking human beings.

‘Have you remembered to put Christmas bins out?’