can you read the bottom line for me

17 DAYS #ParmoBirthdayCountdown

stupid fucking dog

In bed before 10:30pm. Teenage Parmo would be horrified. 51 year old Parmo is living the dream

It’s important to learn that you spell lose with one ‘o’ because there is a world of difference between someone losing their shit and loosing their shit.

Popping down the shops. What are you buying with this?

Wise counsel

Fair play, Monzo. Fair play.

If you (somehow) missed it yesterday I have made my first ever game! It is called "i will strangle a horse", and is a comedy choose your own adventure game with over 7660 words of hot nonsense, and is free to play! brainmage.itch.io/i-will-stran... Will YOU strangle a horse?

Fuck’s sake, Apple. The N and M are making my shit hang sideways

WHITBY: I AM IN YOU (and have been for about 45 minutes, I’ve just been looking for a parking space)

Hi Internet! I'm Drew and THIS IS MY FACE. If this GIF has ever brought you joy in the past, I humbly ask you to consider making a donation to the National MS Society. It would mean a lot to me and to those I know affected by the disease! Donate at blinkingguy.com

Fuck it *does the weekend dance+

BEHOLD! My first ever choose-your-own-adventure game! "i will strangle a horse" - over seven and a half thousand words of absolute nonsense, as you help Martin Jenkins on his first day at The Farm. brainmage.itch.io/i-will-stran... Totally free to play! I mean, you can pay, but you can also not!

Just got tickets to see Randy Feltface next year

My compulsory ID photo

“Warm up your knob, Phil”

“Fuck off Camilla Parker Bowles”

Sossidges and mash for tea tonight. Not doing it Grange Hill style though because SPROUTS

25 DAYS #ParmoBirthdayCountdown

Slot’s head is ridiculously shiny

Rapture's off. Sorry.

I personally invented cheese. And cows. And the number 4.

BINS

Rapture day! #grwm

Rapture fun.

Changed the bedding today so of course the first thing I do when I climb into bed is rake my undercarriage out. Pod scurf everywhere

how does that dumb cunt trump fit so much fucking stupidity into one head

Me on the way to the rapture

Sleeping pupper

Just farted while breathing in. Schoolboy error

Why is everyone posting about the rapture? Is it that time again already?

GOOD EVENING SHAGGERS

HAPPY SATURDAY, SHAGGERS

Fuck it *does the weekend dance*

It’s time for the Friday Cat

The dilemma faced by every adolescent growing up in a religious household

I was waiting to buy a sandwich toaster, when I saw the greatest martial artist ever to come out of Athens walk past. I didn't know whether to go and get his autograph, or proceed with my purchase. I was caught between the Breville and the Greek Bruce Lee.

Barcelona #ThingsThatCanFuckOff

You’re all going to have to imagine how I say pooper scooper but I can tell you it’s sexy as fuck

Yorkshire Dads, hot single radiators near you need turning down.

It's going to be amazing when it's revealed that's actually Chris Lowe under there.

'Before I read out the final scores, can anyone else smell shit?'