I normally have my second poo at around 10 a.m., so is it OK to rapture around that? Just I've seen Threads and if its anything like that I don't want it all to kick off before I've wiped my arse.

*If* we wake up tomorrow and all the true believers have disappeared, leaving only their clothes behind, you best believe I'm helping myself to some free clothes as an armageddon treat.

Fuck your link and fuck War Thunder I ain't ever gonna play it.

I hope it IS the rapture tomorrow. Get this show on the road.

Paracetamol causing autism? Now I've heard everything.

DAB Radiohead

Sign on our door says "PUPPY IS SLEEPING. PLEASE DO NOT KNOCK OR RING" And I think I might leave it up forever.

Satire isn't dead. It's just taken human form.

Nivia for men fights the 5 signs of ageing. 1) In bed with a book as a treat at 2130hrs. 2) Disinterested/disillusioned. 3) Fine lines. 4) HOW MUCH? 5) Whatever you like, love.

Its like they were waiting for one of them to get shot. They draw lots or something?

I already considered myself something of a bean-master thanks.

I met John Stapleton when I was an audience member on The Time The Place. During the Anglia years.

Frens

Oh nurse.. my pills!

Someone should invent something that you clip to the seat of your trousers so you can sit in wet garden chairs without getting wet pants. Dragons. Call me.

I'm sorry Mr Fox. Needs must.

Might try getting a haircut next week. It's a 10 min walk away. But I'm managing to walk the dog in the afternoons for a while, and it hurts a bit, but I'm also getting really bored of this shoulder business and want to chip on.

I'm not sure anyone's as wet as you think they are, Boz. Everyone's seen through your 'I'm just an awks bumbling fool' act. And sure you're not soppin any puss.

Because they just bang on about kids and school? BORING!

Take off, perfect. Try to dock, crash die. Long live Elite!

This has sunk beyond farse already. Glad I've not handed over £75!

Went in a shop today for the first time in 7 weeks. It was like disneyland. Music! Lights! People! Confectionery! Went mental and spent 25 quid.

Really tough time to be an adult who actually did all the assigned high school reading.

Thinking about crossing the channel in a small boat to get the fuck out of here.

Did anyone else's parents have an extra sitting room full of nice things that you weren't allowed to go in? Seems weird in hindsight.

Bank Antifraud number comes up as "Suspected Fraud". Great work lads. I call them "did you spend £xxx on the 8th September?" Yes. "OK we will.unlock your card" Didn't realise it was locked and spent £1100 before I got out of bed today. Good to know the system works 🤷🤷🤷

It's @cheapshow.bsky.social day.

That didn't take long

*sad trombone sound*

Yes, I bought this. I have plans for it. OK? Shut up.

Me scrolling bluesky "I dont know any of you cunts. Who are you? Who the fuck is this? Who's this now?... ...oh. it's on discover"

Little dog, big world.

Monster

Trump saying "unbreakable bond" sounds like a threat.

I'm learning to hate all the things that were great when I used to be' bent!

"Hello UK AI, how do we fix Global Warming?" "You should never have built me!"

Waiting for the dog to be sufficiently asleep so I can microwave soup

Dont have tea bars do they? Cos tea ain't trendy.

I chew chew choose you

Tried to correct it, I think I wrecked it.

You can't have a 'strong bond' with a psychopath grifting lying shitester

Imagine if Trump disliked Mrs Brown's Boys 👦

The world isn't all total shit. ❤️