CHRISTMAS SEXT: I slap you deaf like Old Man Gower

It's that time again! Merry Christmas everybody!

happy christmas eve!

the muppet christmas carol demarcation between 'animals for talking' and 'animals for eating' is very troubling

God. Imagine Neil Degrasse Tyson watching The Muppets Christmas Carol. He'd have an aneurysm within seconds.

Oh litmus tree Oh litmus tree I know your precise acidity

We've ran out of Buck's Fizz so have just put a berocca into some white lightning

Edited. Finished, now.

The scariest Christmas story: Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, Except for A DRACULA

She invites you up to her hotel room. She's lying on the bed, beckoning you. Damn, she looks good. Then, you hear a noise off to the side and you see to your horror: Statler and Waldorf in the cuck chair.

🎵It was Christmas eve babe 🎵In the gunge tank, a Noel said to me 🎵Won't see another one 🎵And then he sang his song, a rare old Gotcha tune 🎵I Blobbied Blobbily, and dreamed about you

Today's lunchtime cryptic crossword stream starts at 1pm! Ho ho fine. www.twitch.tv/brainmage

Tried to go to bed, ended up doing Bulmcore thread

Dudes Rock

WB: What do you have planned for Batman 2? Tim Burton: We open on a newborn baby boy WB: Aww TB: No. The baby is ugly. He kills and eats a house cat while it's still alive. His parents try to kill him in his crib, but to Gotham's woe, they fail WB: ... TB: Also it's a Christmas movie

I mean yeah it’s an authoritarian takeover but can we take some comfort in the fact that the people doing it are INSANELY stupid?

love that software developers are advertising AI functionality in every single app now and it's up to you to try to figure out if they mean "this has spellcheck" or "everything you create in this app will sync in real-time to sam altman's personal laptop" or something in between

[snowman magically comes to life in garden] BOY: wow! a snowman! what incredible adventures we shall have- SNOWMAN: oi. your dad still got his original teeth? BOY: uh...no? SNOWMAN: great. I'm gonna go wear your dad's teeth and put on your mum's make up while they're sleeping, that's cool right

I was taught that a Chekhov's Gun is something that's mentioned at the start of a story to foreshadow something happening later on. But in 'Santa Baby', they mention a Chekov My Christmas List, and then it doesn't get mentioned again? Is Eartha Kitt just bad at storytelling?

You could hear the old man swear as he raced through frosty air And the jingle of his bells as he travelled everywhere And he galloped into Market Street, his beard down past his chest His name was Santa, and he drove the fastest reindeer in the west.

🎵Milkmas time 🎵Milkstletoe and wine 🎵Milkmen singing dairy-based rhymes

Pte■■■■■■yl

Lovely to see a shop that's also a good plot point for an episode of Red Dwarf.

I would describe the menswear guy's posting style as "garbumentative"

New drink invented: Crabsinthe

Today's lunchtime cryptic crossword stream starts at 1pm! It's Christmas Eve Eve! Let's talk absolute nonsense for a couple of hours! www.twitch.tv/brainmage

I try to type “I love you” to my betrothed - and it autocompletes???? Excuse me, hello no - *I* love him, not you - stop elbowing your way IN, let me TYPE out my letters of LOVE, I mean every single one And then you have people out there ChatGPTing their way through an entire relationship

I've been banging on about this, but it is VERY silly, and if you want to spend a Monday dying in strange and creative ways, I really do recommend it.

My work colleague asked me to text her when the Christmas meat hampers arrived at work. Turns out I took her number down wrong and I have sent a really ominous text to a stranger

[Gonzo voice] And The Nameless One, who did NOT die

Shrooms 2 just dropped

pub sign vibes are off

'Tis the season! theonion.com/ho-ho-ho-im-...

Yonkee Condles

This is how I found out, and maybe it is how you did too

smh

[Morrissey, but from Besźel instead of Lancashire] 🎵 Girlfriend in Ul Qoma 🎵 I know, I know 🎵 It's ser- *immediately bundled into a van by Breach*

Ooh, can I share this again? www.pcgamer.com/games/advent...

Today's lunchtime cryptic crossword stream starts at 1pm! Can I get through a word puzzle without sobbing? LET'S FIND OUT! www.twitch.tv/brainmage

Bear in mind when arguing online that you’re often arguing with people whose entire education constitutes children’s cartoons, video essays about children’s cartoons and the TV Tropes pages of children’s cartoons

Last-minute gig idea! A knock-off VHS that looks a bit like a classic Disney cartoon:

Hi, I'm Nonny Knoxville, and welcome to Jestass *farts loudly in front of the king*

I am, currently, in the pit. This isn't a cry for help or any kind of request for kind words - I know what crisis looks like, and i am not there yet - but dear oh lord. This isn't great.

She sees when you are sleeping She sees when you're awake She knows when you are hauling iron On a big Midwestern lake You better watch out! You better not cry You're going to drown, I'm telling you why Fitzgerald is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping He knows when you're awake He knows you would taste really good So be ready with your stake Oh You'd better not shout You'd better not cry He's moving to London, he's sexy and bi Dracula is coming to town

I'm a trans woman who, if anyone ever asks, will give my deadname as a different male name each time. It's been the single fastest way to find people who talk behind my back. If that name leaks I know just who leaked it and just who to instant block forever.

"I think refusing is actually the more hopeful, expansive vision of the future than the one that is telling us that the future is already settled and decided. That's my daring idea. Just say no."

Why does this post say "Bons"? Does anyone know?

Cartoon 10. Last one for the time being, and, in my opinion, it's a DOOZY

Cartoon 2: