This dishwasher is probably broken now. The reviews of every dishwasher on earth are: average 3.5 stars, 5 star review says "its a dishwasher no problem" and 1 star review says "this dishwasher shot me with a gun!"

I'm going on tour in 2026! Come and see me doing one of the best reviewed shows from the Ed Fringe (according to the British Comedy Guide). It's called King of Crumbs, and it's a load of old nonsense, really. Book now! Tickets: www.mickperrin.com/tours/alasdair-beckett-king-king-of-crumbs

Devastated to see Mamdani plummet to victory with a result that shows his critics were right all along. Now is the time for the left to move towards the centre. It's time to reach across the aisle, to swing your partner, do-si-do and really lay into trans people for no reason.

This transphobic corporate charisma-vacuum thinks we're all fucking stupid. He would have been cheerleading for Cuomo, who does he think he's kidding!?

Talks at #AdvX25 will be fully accessible to Deaf attendees and livestream viewers as usual, thanks to our BSL interpreters!

Dick Cheney won't see your mean jokes about his death, but Tony Blair will, hopefully.

No takers for my Reverse Mrs Doubtfire screenplay in which an elderly Scottish woman pretends to be fast-talking improvisational stand-up Robin Williams.

Mervyn Peake sounds like the name of a guy who writes fantasy novels set a sprawling and ruinous Gothic castle

For adventure gamers who remember The Old Ways: this is a nice critique of early 2000s gamer snark. Gabriel Knight 3 had some really good bits, and adventure games didn't die - big American publishers just stopped selling them. (The cat moustache puzzle was genuinely bad, though.)

Just had to check to see if Paul is a bot and he is the CTO of Bluesky

Hate it when a henchman comes up to me, like: "Hey, listen up, Mac. Me and the boys bin thinkin..." It's like, do I pay you to think, you big lummox?

The lyric "STOP Hammer Time" indicates that U Can't Touch This may have been the first song to be written in BASIC.

🧵I've posted them before, but here's my thread of horror/kids' TV double-bill cinema posters. Happy Halloween... #halloween #cinema #graphicdesign #poster

Is this the greatest music video ever? @eleanormorton.bsky.social and I discover what might be the sexiest/spookiest performance of Tim Curry's career in The Worst Witch (1986). linktr.ee/readthat

An old video for the spookiest night of the year: the day Nevada became the 36th state. www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIwDqRXec4s

Recursive pumpkin.

Zohran Mamdani caught lying that he understood Plato’s allegory of the cave, yet when asked to explain it, he seemed to instead explain Baudrillard’s theory of Simulacra and Simulation where reality has been replaced by symbols and signs, which seems similar to Plato’s theory but is not the same

Interviewer: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, as a doctor and the creator of the supremely rational detective Sherlock Holmes, do you believe— Doyle: Yes! interviewer: I hadn't finished the question, Sir Arthur. Doyle lunging across an occasional table: I BELIEVE IN IT

Interviewer: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, as a doctor and the creator of the supremely rational detective Sherlock Holmes, do you believe— Doyle: Yes! interviewer: I hadn't finished the question, Sir Arthur. Doyle lunging across an occasional table: I BELIEVE IN IT

Why are the streets empty? Where are the kids? The tearaways? The dreamers? They are simply indoors playing the entire MYST series, yes even the bad ones.

I write middle-grade whodunnits, so you might want to dismiss my opinion out of hand. But I think cosy games/crime sometimes miss the fact that blankets are only cosy when it's cold outside. A world without conflict / a story without stakes isn't cosy, it's just safe.

me: it’s important people realise it was never a thing that muppet movie adaptations only feature one human. they feature many humans. executioner: those were your last words!?

Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):

Pull up a chair, please. I think it's time to have a talk about book jackets. Particularly modern book jackets. Especially in the UK, and particularly in the crime genre. My sense is that publishers haven't known how to jacket crime novels since the 20th century. I have evidence.

Sadako crawling out of your tv, turning motion smoothing off, then crawling back in

My favourite thing on YouTube is when Click-Through is up but Impressions are down. So, you're telling me you aren't showing the video to as many people? And I should regard this as my fault?

The continuity error was: my hair is tied back as Blackthorne, but when he's sucked out the airlock my hair is loose, as God intended. Well done to everyone who noticed it.

🔍 60 2025 Middle Grade Mystery and Detective Stories 🔍 popgoesthereader.com/60-2025-midd... #BookSky #KidLit #MGLit

Today's sketch: now on YouTube! See if you can spot the very subtle continuity error when the airlock opens. youtu.be/NWoEWDJr6tA

Let me tell you a story (before the ship explodes):

It's cold outside I doze inside my room I'm all alone More or less Someone flies suddenly in here Ne ver more (bom bom bom bom bom) By my stu dy door (bom bom bom bom bom)

Parents, please check your kids’ candy this Halloween. I’ve just found an ancient metal whistle with the inscription “QUIS EST ISTE QUI VENIT" inside a Snickers bar. I blew it and heard a note of infinite distance, and now I’m haunted by a figure in pale, fluttering draperies. Be safe.

You have to feel bad for anyone who published a "The Authoritarian Left is Woking my Free Speech" book in 2025, like Homer Simpson investing in pumpkins all through October. You missed your moment! So close!

Excuse me?

The only holiday not corrupted by capitalism... HALLOWEEN.

Is this the greatest music video ever? @eleanormorton.bsky.social and I discover what might be the sexiest/spookiest performance of Tim Curry's career in The Worst Witch (1986). linktr.ee/readthat

you don't understand. as someone who isn't inherently good at art, stealing paintings from the museum is the *only* way i'm able to express myself creatively. i wouldn't be able to paint beautiful portraits. but by breaking into a museum and stealing the paintings, now i am

Listen to me relentlessly bullying @eleanormorton.bsky.social in this month's episode of Eleanor & Alasdair Read That. We're doing Jill Murphy's The Worst Witch (1974). And we're not doing Harry Potter, the Keir Starmer of fantasy literature. linktr.ee/readthat

19th century writers love describing all the different compartments of a woman's face. "Vaulting eyebrows. Rose petal lips. Eyes like a gelid pond." I'm not a police sketch artist. Just say "brown hair".

Tomorrow and there is 'good availability'. Get out of bed and get to Cheltenham to come watch a very interactive and very funny show www.cheltenhamfestivals.org/events/histo...

As an American teenager, I love watching black-and-white horror movies with all the lights off in the house. Gee, I sure hope these hokey scares don't turn out to be thematically relevant.

My point is that we are engaged in a fundamentally moral argument about how society ought to be, not a factual argument about how reality is. I am very wise. Now, if you'll excuse me, I forgot to bring underpants and socks on a trip to Glasgow so I have to go and buy some.

It seems pointless to fact check someone saying "curry isn't proper British food like fish and chips", just like it's futile to correct someone saying "there are no pronouns in the Bible". They haven't made a mistake. What they're saying is, "Britain is a white country".

Strange to interpret what we were asking for as "step down as the Duke of York".

It says No KingS, we're allowed to have one.

The sheer contempt I feel for videos that misuse POV. "POV you are a cheeky dog!!!" Then why can I see the cheeky dog, hmm? Explain that? How dare you? I went to film school.

The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.

I'm going on tour in 2026! Come and see me doing one of the best reviewed shows from the Ed Fringe (according to the British Comedy Guide). It's called King of Crumbs, and it's a load of old nonsense, really. Book now! Tickets: www.mickperrin.com/tours/alasdair-beckett-king-king-of-crumbs

Hindsight is 20-20, but I really think they should have taken Maxwell's silver hammer away before the trial.

And the linocut print next to the lino plate.