BREAKING NEWS: Saturday Night Live UK has revealed that Jethro will be head writer for jokes about rural life, everyday situations and adult humour told in his distinctive Cornish accent and storytelling style #SNL #Portion

He does always say that doesn’t he

Ok but will I understand the plot if I haven’t read the first Ross Kemp Gangs?

It’s bonfire night eve not bonfire night Steve

Can’t believe it’s Monday again

Yeah I’ve got SAD: Showing you An image of Dr Fox 😎

It’s not Christmas Steve it’s Christmas… @dankackroyd.bsky.social

Is this about up the arse #totp

Make sure you check your kid's Trick or Treat chocolate tonight. Last Halloween my son bit into a mini Mars bar and found a John Virgo ‘Gotcha' from Noel's House Party inside

Just watching Later with Jools Holland

How did I not know that in 1986 this single got to number 56 in the charts

Fun idea for half-term:

Is this a good gift for a two year old

So tell me… Is there a Mrs Taste of Cyprus unofficially produced blue Gunnersaurus? 😏🌹

Pardon #totp

Mercury Music Prize Best Album revealed

Been doing this for years and not a single headline

The reason Robert Jenrick didn’t see any ‘white faces’ in Birmingham is because he was looking at these grey tits

Don’t normally rate Taylor Swift but this new one’s alright

“So I leant over, tapped her on the cleavage with a pastry fork, I said my mother gave birth to twins in an unheated wash house and then got straight back up and finished the mangling, so think on.” RIP, Patricia Routledge.

Went for a lie down at 3pm and just woke up thinking it was Monday

I ate six bags of crisps yesterday

Lying Down And Loving It 😎🛌

It’s October eve not October Steve

Happy National Coffee Day to all who celebrate by the way ☕️

Yeah I support ID CARDS: I f it’s D anny John Jules C hris Barrie A nd Craig Charles in R ed D warf and the man from S crapheap challenge 😎

Happy Birthday Bruce Springsteen 🥳

I don’t know why she’s leaving, Or where she’s gonna go, I guess she’s got her reasons, But I just don't wanna know, Cause for twenty-four years I've been

One of my favourite Japanese tshirt brands has just released a new Mr Bean range and I’m not sure how I feel about this

Calling Jeffrey Epstein ‘the paedophile financier’ makes him sound like something from Patisserie Valerie

That’s it then, time to take the emergency alert tree down

If this flag offends you, bean help you pack

The Fab Four’ is such a nice way to describe The Beatles. I’d been calling them ‘The Four Men’

Just seen a ‘nutter’ in the wild. Sorry pal, we don’t say that now, it’s ‘experiencing mental health challenges’. This is almond milk, not a Peperami voiced by Adrian Edmondson (adverts since discontinued due to changing attitudes towards mental health)

The Edinburgh Fringe has an award for Best Show but if they made an award for ‘Person Who Walked Past Angus Deayton Three Times Yesterday’ I’d scoop the lot

His famous catchphrase

That feeling when you’re sweating your tossed salads and scrambled eggs off

You're never gonna believe this but you know that vintage child mannequin with painted shoes and no arms that you viewed? Still available by the way

What’s wrong babe you’ve barely touched your Boycie

Tin Tin Out had 15 year old me going to parties dressed like a 2006 Apprentice candidate #totp

Party in the city where the heat is on, All night on the tram til the break of dawn, I’m going to Wolverhampton, ‘Welcome to Wolverhampton’

Interior Flooring businesss called Sabrina Carpeter

All the 6 Music Dads now Natalie Imbruglia is on #TOTP

The way they market jeans like we all look like Sydney Sweeney. Be serious. Show me Bella Emberg in them, now we’re talking

Just heard two lads on the train greet each other with ‘BOSH!’ He’s done it - Big John has created the new ‘Whazzup’

Many don’t realise that Leo Sayer’s ‘When I Need You’ is actually a cover #totp

BREAKING: UK government silent as ‘Scrumptious Juice’ pulled from shelves

Is this about up the arse

In the gym at 8am on a Saturday because the flat is too hot 😎

Pardon? They could’ve said: - Octopostie - Dr No you weren’t in so we left a card - Tomorrow Never Posts if it’s a Saturday (because Sunday is the next day) - Mailfall (when they come through the letterbox) - Letter (that one is Spectre) - James Bond Posts a Letter 😎