It’s important to remember that Christmas isn’t fun for everyone and while you’re celebrating, there will be many people who are doing their best just to get through it. So if you can, please spare a thought for those who’ve received this as a gift today

Birmingham Bullring wishes all its patrons a very Merry Aptio Setup Utility and a Happy New BIOS Information ✨

As it’s Christmas, let me treat you to one of my favourite videos. The time @dankackroyd.bsky.social gave me a shout out, which made my tummy feel funny.

It’s Christmas Eve Eve not Christmas Steve Steve

@dankackroyd.bsky.social I think it’s safe to say you’re very much in the culture 🎯 🍻 🎄

(Quietly sliding my campaign for all UK babies to be issued cigarettes and an elegant carriage clock back in the drawer) wow that’s great

Naughty elf went through my wardrobe last night

BLT stands for Bacon Lacon Tacon

Elf!! No!!

you can type stuff on your computer and it shows up in a little digital window, and all sorts of people can read it, not just people you know

When you're 33 but your Spotify listening age is 32

My oh my! Woke up this morning and look what I found?! This cheeky little elf reading my important academic research papers! Let’s hope he keeps it quiet from Kath! 🤫

They all come out the woodwork at Christmas don’t they

Everyone’s talking about ‘Your Party’ but no one talking about Black Lace’s ‘Party Party: 16 Great Party Icebreakers’

At a pub quiz with two people slightly younger than me

This is what The Cardigans were talking about when they wrote ‘My Favourite Game’ #totp

What’s the matter Chilli Heatwave boy, afraid you might taste some yuletide whimsy? 😏

Pardon #TOTP

BREAKING NEWS: Saturday Night Live UK has revealed that Jethro will be head writer for jokes about rural life, everyday situations and adult humour told in his distinctive Cornish accent and storytelling style #SNL #Portion

He does always say that doesn’t he

Ok but will I understand the plot if I haven’t read the first Ross Kemp Gangs?

It’s bonfire night eve not bonfire night Steve

Can’t believe it’s Monday again

Yeah I’ve got SAD: Showing you An image of Dr Fox 😎

It’s not Christmas Steve it’s Christmas… @dankackroyd.bsky.social

Is this about up the arse #totp

Make sure you check your kid's Trick or Treat chocolate tonight. Last Halloween my son bit into a mini Mars bar and found a John Virgo ‘Gotcha' from Noel's House Party inside

Just watching Later with Jools Holland

How did I not know that in 1986 this single got to number 56 in the charts

Fun idea for half-term:

Is this a good gift for a two year old

So tell me… Is there a Mrs Taste of Cyprus unofficially produced blue Gunnersaurus? 😏🌹

Pardon #totp

Mercury Music Prize Best Album revealed

Been doing this for years and not a single headline

The reason Robert Jenrick didn’t see any ‘white faces’ in Birmingham is because he was looking at these grey tits

Don’t normally rate Taylor Swift but this new one’s alright

“So I leant over, tapped her on the cleavage with a pastry fork, I said my mother gave birth to twins in an unheated wash house and then got straight back up and finished the mangling, so think on.” RIP, Patricia Routledge.

Went for a lie down at 3pm and just woke up thinking it was Monday

I ate six bags of crisps yesterday

Lying Down And Loving It 😎🛌

It’s October eve not October Steve

Happy National Coffee Day to all who celebrate by the way ☕️

Yeah I support ID CARDS: I f it’s D anny John Jules C hris Barrie A nd Craig Charles in R ed D warf and the man from S crapheap challenge 😎

Happy Birthday Bruce Springsteen 🥳

I don’t know why she’s leaving, Or where she’s gonna go, I guess she’s got her reasons, But I just don't wanna know, Cause for twenty-four years I've been

One of my favourite Japanese tshirt brands has just released a new Mr Bean range and I’m not sure how I feel about this

Calling Jeffrey Epstein ‘the paedophile financier’ makes him sound like something from Patisserie Valerie

That’s it then, time to take the emergency alert tree down

If this flag offends you, bean help you pack