‘Aspirations, cunt! Folk on t'fucking dole 'ave got about as much scope to aspire above the shit they're dumped in, cunt, as coal aspires to be chucked on t'fucking fire.’

she floats like the Groke but she’s always a moomin to me 🎵

Already learned two things today: 1. London’s parakeet population came about as a result of Jimi Hendrix releasing a pair in the late Sixties 2. It is an absolutely untrue urban myth that London’s parakeet population came about as a result of Jimi Hendrix releasing a pair in the late Sixties

FBI: "There was anti-ICE writing on the bullet." *flash over to the scene of the crime* *bullet has "anti-ICE" written on it* This is not real. This is a Family Guy bit.

Farage wanting to kick people out of the country because they migrated here made me angry and made me think about which best of British people and things wouldn't have happened were it not for the brilliance of immigration to the UK.

Bitten by a radioactive willy, he became…

spokesperson for Sadiq Khan: “We are not going to dignify his appalling and bigoted comments with a response. “London is the greatest city in the world, safer than major US cities, and we’re delighted to welcome the record number of US citizens moving here.”

A while back, I was envisaging a post-apocalyptic British novel. The backstory was that we refused to let the U.S. use us as a giant military base in some unspecified war, so their mad, dictatorial leader bombed us into oblivion. Pure fiction … then. Now Trump is telling us we’re going to hell. Um.

Good thing that happens LITERALLY EVERY time happens again, UK government shrugs (where is our Onion headline for this?)

Former Tory councillor James Farquharson, is it? What an absolute non-shocker. More information here:

You’ll be shocked to learn that all the people Nick Robinson mentions here as involved in UK “free speech controversies” are on or adjacent to the far right- Connelly, Linehan, T Robinson, Musk- as are most of the politicians cited, and that he ends with a plea to listen to both sides

What notifications do you have switched on? I have calls and messages only. Does this make me a freak?

Fucksomnia

It will never go.

The government ought to be holding a fucking press conference to confirm this, every news channel and website leading with the story, boiling it down to three salient points: 1. Paracetamol doesn’t cause autism 2. Autistic people are great 3. Trump is a senile, racist, shit-eating old cunt

‘The defining feature of the 21st century is disregard for the sanctity of human life. The livestream is a deathstream with no way to turn it off.’ I don’t subscribe to many newsletters, but Sarah is the best writer in the U.S. – if you don’t read her stuff, you really should.

Fuck the modern age. I’m in 2002 and for these three hours, at any rate, everything is okay. youtu.be/7ivNA0DijNw?...

Fascinating and depressing watching videos of Bernie Sanders meeting diehard rust belt Trump voters and agreeing on the merits of universal healthcare, higher taxes for the rich and corporations, etc. One woman says to him: ‘you’re nothing like they say you are.’ Right-wing media has killed America.

Reform will today pledge that anyone who eats ‘any of that foreign muck’ will be deported.

we have gone from a world in which we were told not to cite wikipedia because it was unreliable to a world where wikipedia might be the only reliable source left on the internet and we all owe a lot to the pedantic nerds who got us there

Be sure you take a moment today to remember Charlie Kirk for exactly who he was.

Am I fucked off my chanks on Meta AI glasses, or has Instagram reinstated the chronological timeline

Crying at the noise the commentator makes at this free kick.

I don’t expect anything of any worth from BBC News anymore, but as ever, the question that should have been asked here is: What do you feel unable to say?

*small voice* my WIP is pretty good, depressingly

"The Nazi regime quickly targeted German universities for restructuring according to Nazi principles.." United States Holocaust Museum perspectives.ushmm.org/collection/h...

This story is obviously fucking mad, but what is really mind-blowing to secular Brits is that our traditional idea of a place of worship does not equate to the demented, concert venue-sized superchurches of the American South www.independent.co.uk/tv/news/char...

This moment is disturbing even in the mundane: I’ve started taking screenshots of historical sources I’m using in research from the national park service, the smithsonian, and the national archives, just in case they get taken down. It’s now a part of my process and takes time I have to plan for.

Alien: Earth (N. Hawley and others, 2025)

It occurs to me that the only way the US would ever be able to legislate gun control would be to mandate at a federal level that anyone who owned a gun carried liability insurance of a certain level for anything that happened with the gun and then let capitalism take its course

Many media outlets hid the full truth of Trump -- his background in organized crime, his Epstein ties -- out of fear, only to be obliterated by him in the end. Had they not self-censored then, they might not be state-censored now. When you hide the truth, you face the consequences.

I'll remind you that this man hid in a fridge rather than speak to journalists.

Victor: Hugo #LFC

This fucking complacency on the ball and horrendously sloppy passing from our supposedly senior players is embarrassing and enraging. Get Wirtz on for Christ’s sake.

Okay, only nice posts from now on with no swearing. Thank goodness there’s no big football match about to kick off in twenty min—DAMMIT

I despair of stupid people. I try to make allowances, but when I see the thickest of cunts parroting clear and obvious bullshit they saw on Facebook or YouTube, or in some wretched tabloid rag, I want to scream into their gormless faces: YOU’VE BEEN BRAINWASHED, DICKHEADS. SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT

We should never have progressed beyond message boards and MSN messenger. Social media has essentially tried to combine the two ever since but nothing works as well.

I’m so tired of these fucking wankers. Every screen, every page, every clip: wanker after wanker after wanker, braying their self-serving, destructive bullshit. You can’t escape them on social media, even if you exclusively follow decent people. The wanker plague is still spread by Shitephoid Marys.

How are you? It's Alan (Partridge)

After a patchy E6, Alien: Earth is back in business. It’s mad bollocks, of course, but it’s also fucking great. Nibs ripping out the soldier’s jaw for chucking Mr Strawberry in the sea was a grisly triumph. As for Eyelene, the ocular horror makes the xenos look like a pile of sheep shit. Scheming.

Not watching #totp but a cursory flick through the posts make it clear someone needs to defend How Does It Feel (To Overuse Brackets) On A Football Pop Record. Sorry, but I like it. Fucking hell, it’s a Mac/Marr co-write, for starters. Secondly, Alex James is not involved. The defence rests.

The Heritage Foundation are the worst cunts on the planet. If anyone should be proscribed as terrorists, it’s them. The global harm they have caused during the last forty years is incalculable.

Fuck, yes. This is so, so good. Absolute peak E-Street.

A gag 26 years in the making and worth every second of waiting.

The Heritage Foundation are the worst cunts on the planet. If anyone should be proscribed as terrorists, it’s them. The global harm they have caused during the last forty years is incalculable.

It's got everyone in it from Paul Young to Young Marble Giants, and from Salt-N-Pepa to Chas & Dave. #IntoTheGroove, my new book, the month-by-month story of 1980s pop, out on Thurs 2 Oct from @eandtbooks.bsky.social. Pre-order from everywhere and anywhere, eg: uk.bookshop.org/p/books/into...

Coming soon from @christhebarker.bsky.social and me...

From Stephen Colbert last night:

The dilemma faced by every adolescent growing up in a religious household