Was at this event and bumped into an editor for the Radio 4 show I do and she described my radio voice as "liquid silk" and that... Is a first... For me... For sure.

It used to be that nobody cared that I lived with a professional ice hockey player during my first year of uni (in a former Victorian asylum that'd been turned into student halls), but since Heated Rivalry people are VERY INTERESTED INDEED.

... I'm dog sitting right now...

The Devil doesn't use our names for the stars, by Kym Deyn "[...] And I'd say watch me. Watch me try."

Hagiography by Kym Deyn "[...] she flaked upwards like old paint. Her feet stopped touching the floor so she let her robes out. Pretended she wasn't - the awkwardness of it, the fuss"

Mother Shipton is a famed prophet, said to have been born in a cave just outside of the town of Knaresborough. "Her soul is as fine as any saint's, you could pray to it. If she's as good as they say, she'll see you from all the way back there." - Kym Deyn

SEO spam all "buy our services or people won't be able to find your website" well how did *you* find it, fucko?

Obsessed with the fact that every time I go bowling I am absolutely terrible and knock down 0-3 pins every time, except for the round where I get a single inexplicable strike.

If you think Bluesky sucks, you are not using it correctly. I have curated my feed to be full of DeliciousWeirdos™️ and KingShitposters™️ which means endless nerdiness (complimentary), bangers, and really insightful threads. Sorry you aren't having fun you aren't playing right. Try harder!

If you are cis and doing this sort of shit in 2026 I am watching you like a hawk. Trans politics is not some parlour game, and making it all into some internet gotcha is objectively gross to me.

Not even thirty and I've reached the stage of my life where I'm lying in bed, awake, at 3am, thinking about how annoyed I am with the local council and what I'm going to write in my very angry letter to them.

Time to get out the lettuce!

Hell is empty and all the emails are here

Me: "No-one has ever suffered like I suffer!" The priest, pointing at the huge cross with a dying Jesus on it: "Jay, it is quite literally Good Friday today." Me: "I said nobody ever suffered 'LIKE' I suffer. Jesus never had to answer an email, did he?? Honestly! I think I'd rather be crucified!"

you only have a short while, make your fall worth it (we all fall) @jayhulmepoet.bsky.social

Evergreen headline.

Whenever racists go off about how Sharia Law is taking over I'm like, fun fact: the Church of England has courts that have the same legal standing as Crown Courts - and so as the only person in this conversation who's actually been taken to a religious court... I'm telling you to shut up.

People love to speculate and come up with stories about what happens in inclusive churches and, like... sometimes queer inclusive Christianity just looks like a bunch of people standing in front of a Bishop in an 1100 year old church, you know? It's not special, except for the ways that it is...

Got curious, looked through the paperwork, and the number of people confirmed at St Nicholas Church per year looks like: 2026 (so far): 6 2025: 2 2024: 0 2023: 0 2022: 0 2021: 0 2020: 0 2019: 0 2018: 0 2017: 0 2016: 0 2015: 0 2014: 0 2013: 0 2012: 1 💫 growth 💫

My Instagram story is just gym selfies at the moment and this is apparently much appreciated by the gays who follow me, but the nuns who follow me stopped liking them after the second picture and it's very much giving "I'm glad you're being healthy, but I know what you're doing, and so does Jesus."

Upsetting my nephew's parents by teaching him to eat kiwis by just biting into them, skin and all, like they're apples.

Phoning a random churchwarden out of the blue like "Hi, the Home Office are moving a member of our community and you're their nearest queer inclusive church, would you be able to welcome them and help them settle in?"

Honestly being trans is so hard, like, it's made me so hot and confident that every time I post a selfie I draw gay men to me like a siren off the rocks of Scylla. What suffering I have to bear.

Productive morning in the gym. Now to go set up the church for tomorrow's big confirmation service. It's all very much giving the 1980's with this linen shirt, ngl. (I'll sort out my beard tomorrow, I don't have time right nowwwww)

Had to share this absolutely perfect post-stacking. Sure mirrored my reaction.

evangelicals have finally created. the golden calf. from the classic bible story “don’t create a golden calf”

The Onion ass headline

Yesterday I went on a little evening walk and while I was waiting to cross the road a squirrel pooped on me.

I post a sunrise photo each morning I'm in the field. But this is the reality.

Forever fighting against the stereotype that most inclusive churches have posters that are just clip art and comic sans...

Men should not allowed to have takes on The Odyssey, I'm reporting this verbatim from Athene herself. Homer was on thin fucking ice.

Bonus fact about this selfie from today: yesterday I had dinner with the middle class mum who met me at church and decided to adopt me, and she was just like "you need to cut your hair" and honestly? Incredible mum energy. No notes. I have no intention of doing what I'm told but it's nice she tried.

Voter ID is voter suppression

leave authors reviews! five star their books! email them and tell them you appreciate their work! go to their signings! get their phone number! text them a live stream of your thoughts as you read their latest release!

people texting me "fuck off!!!!" as they read folkish has been one of my life's greatest pleasures

Returning to the gym after a long break with a session that's all upper body, all superset, all gonna be something I regret tomorrow morning.

Every time I post about cooking or food I'll get targeted ads for horrendously expensive knife sharpening blocks, so this is my friendly reminder that in a pinch you can sharpen your knives with a few drops of cooking oil and a mug (use the unglazed bit on the bottom as the sharpening block)

“And I bind and conjure thee spirit that thou be truthful in all thy utterances, &c.”

there is more compelling evidence for the existence of fairies than there is for the consciousness of LLMs

Roll up, roll up! Looking for a postdoc? Want somewhere that's academia adjacent? Interested in seabirds, plastics, and conservation? Come work with me and @adriftlab.bsky.social! If you want to help develop an application, get in touch! #ornithology #seabirds #PhDjobs #PostdocJobs

Good afternoon to this Pied Currawong only

dear men: don’t

If there's not even one point in a recipe where you just go "add an amount of this thing. I won't be giving you specifics. Measure with your heart", then you're either baking, or I don't trust you.

Tired: batch cooking once a week Wired: going insane once every 1-2 months and spending a full day cooking upwards of 40 meals, simply to reduce the amount of washing up I have to do in the future

Important treasurer-y context here too, btw: we’re thriving in terms of helping people come to (or return to) faith and we’re doing well *by our standards* financially. But for us to have our own priest we’d have to find our entire cash on hand down the back of a metaphorical sofa EVERY YEAR.

There are many terrible customer and staff experiences but truly the worst one was when I had to inform a mother that her son had been caught whacking it to Euro Truck Simulator 2 and she responded 'Would it help if he wore his lanyard? He's autsitc'

Two different poets have now published two different books about a trip to Knareborough where they went insane chasing saints, speaking to stones, and absorbing its weird history, and neither of them mentioned that I was also there playing Pokemon Crystal on my atomic purple gameboy the ENTIRE time

I get asked a lot if I was into the Hunger Games when I was young, and I have to tell them I used to wear my hair in a braid and I did archery and I lived under an oppressive government and I was also in a teenage love triangle, so it's less I had a Hunger Games phase and more that I lived it