[reading the news in the morning only to see It hasn't Happened yet] man, y'all never let me have anything

"I believe you've met my brother"

is there anything this guy hasn't fucked up?

the gig economy is crazy right now

You know when we get around to prosecuting war criminals there will be a panel on every news channel debating whether or not it's anti-American to hold them accountable

Could a dying empire make this?

draw me like one of your french bulldogs

who needs metric when you could have this?

SNAP reductions start to kick in this week rolling through october. this is in the midst growing unemployment and continued food inflation. if you have the cash to spare your local food banks and pantries are going to need all the support they can get, and their dollar goes much further than yours

please send tips im struggling im trans , all my work free my only income is from tips linktr.ee/junostump

[reading about the lewis and clark expedition] when does he turn into superman?

french words should have a little underline below the letters you actually pronounce

Golden retriever runs 15 feet after owner mimes throwing tennis ball

I'd like to introduce you to Panulirus ornatus, the ornate rock lobster. They're native to the Indo-Pacific, with a large range centered on New Guinea & the Great Barrier Reef near Australia. They're a member of family Palinuridae, the spiny or rock lobsters. So why so colorful?

attie is now more blocked than ice

Why do they call it a silver tongue and not tonguesten

Not many people know this, but there's a person at the grocery store that keeps a list of your favorite items so they can stop stocking those items.

I can't believe they won't let our murdering stormtroopers, who appear to have no oversight, feel they are above the law, happily kill their own citizens and seem to be a private army for King Trump, to be armed at practice polling stations! Absurd! How can we win otherwise? Very unfair.

Sen. Lankford: "What democrats were asking for for ICE and CBP for their 'reforms' were absolutely absurd; they asked for things, for instance, like ICE could not be at polling places."

*sir* mix-a-lot? I didn't even know he was british

god forbid a woman have hobbies

"How is everything?" "Oh, good. Things are good I guess."

when you tell a joke that's a little too edgy, you should get sent a sheesh and desist letter

Writing a new song that everyone is already sick of called Hotel Californication

sometimes i just sit back and breathe a sigh of relief that harambe hasn’t had to witness any of this

oh man you do *not* want to use the toilet after jackson pollock

Gold, frankincense, and myrrh? If they were so wise, they would have brought diapers.

me: the catholic church should be torn down brick by brick pope leo: jesus ignores the prayers from those who start wars me: ok let him cook

I need the pope to say JD is going to hell

"Portugal. The Man" implies the existence of "Portuguy. The Woman"

BREAKING: Your balls

Ceci n'est pas une peep

"""weeks"""

"How is everything?" "Oh, good. Things are good I guess."

I kinda wish I lived in Minneapolis just because the party after it happens is gonna make mardi gras look like a funeral procession

getting low to that ice cream truck beat

Drink water? You mean the stuff that killed Jack from Titanic? No, thank you

does he not have his own agency?

Is this an owl?

lol bsky hid my reply

At 3k followers I will kill Harry Potter

revving your very loud truck at 6am is very impressive, sir. do you have an onlyglans account?

Scientists gathered at a “glyphosate symposium” to urge action from regulators. “It’s hard to get the government to change, particularly because the industry spends a lot of money lobbying Congress,” said @stanforduniversity.bsky.social's Tracey Woodruff. www.thenewlede.org/2026/03/scie...

a horse massage would fix me

another banner day for "if you didn't know sports were real, ESPN headlines would be crazy"

Update

starting a microblogging platform and likes and posts will be "honks" and "bobos". that way you can get notifications like "10 people honked your bobo"