“yay the days will start getting longer!” have you seen what happens during the day

support artists #art

i don’t have any crazy archive stories but one of my favorite mementos is an atlantic city library card it’s just funny to have gone to atlantic city to use the library. i still keep it in my wallet

cow tools

“yay the days will start getting longer!” have you seen what happens during the day

support artists #art

sometimes i'm tempted to post a list of my favorite movies but then i look at the list and it's like oh wow are you a 41-year-man who likes indie folk and vanilla ice cream wow tell us more about the cool stuff you like

Oh no, I forgot to send out Christmas cards for the 41st year in a row

i’m kind of against telling kids santa is real but a couple times an old roommate of mine had me come over late christmas eve while the family was out and move all their presents under the tree so when they came back it was like santa had been there, and that’s fun so idk

Per NY Times’s Michael Grynbaum on X, this is Sharyn Alfonsi’s email to her “60 Minutes” colleagues in full:

WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE

if anyone out there wins the lottery tomorrow, remember that i love you and if you don’t win look sorry for the confusion but i just like you as a friend

HUSBAND: [unwraps christmas present, it's an oceangate submersible] um WIFE: try it out

my brother in law and his partner got me this for christmas lmaoooo

in 2026 finally gonna reveal to bsky that i’m a soundcloud rapper called ulnar thud and you’re not ready

the problem with holiday weekends is what day is it where am i

twas the week before christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring except rob who was pacing back and forth trying to figure out gift ideas yeah get those steps in rob you idiot

who is this the pillsbury broboy

some people think there’s too much porn on bluesky but i think there’s just the right amount

you there, boy! what day is it?

jake is actually a nickname his full name is jawache paul

when you’re on TV and your wife’s guess for “country with a mediterranean coastline” is dominican republic (i love this show)

nat king cole singing the christmas song makes everything else sound like a cat gakking to police sirens so i’m good with calling it the christmas song

the timeline is going through it

I’ve been told I’m lovely to practice English with because I talk with my hands and “have big teeth”

i once had to translate between two co-workers because one of them spoke english and the other one spoke english but with a mexican accent

hard to know whether i've gotten along so well with ESL people throughout my life due to my enthusiasm for picking up a few words of their language or because my innate charm transcends culture and language who can say

how do we set up a system where there isn't a class of people that laws do not apply to and i don't mean "what system does that" i mean how do we get there because if it's by [🚨🚨 WOOP WOOP fedpost alarm WOOP WOOP 🚨🚨] i'm ready let's go

goddamn all-time banger album

i got beef with pluribus

ME: i’m gonna start a blog THEM: about what ME: THEM: ME: THEM: ME: wow ok miss blog police

on my calendar for saturday i have removed “family christmas party” and replaced it with “stay home and drink heavily by myself” so look forward to that

in my 20s i did go caroling around a neighborhood with some friends and a friend’s parents and i [x] had fun [x] was not sober

i swear every year i get to this point, the point of giving up and baking, and then every year i find the perfect gift on GODDAMN CHRISTMAS EVE

well maybe ADULTS should be paying instead have you considered that

i’m just excited to finally qualify for something

PAUL: let me pull up that skeet JAY: that what PAUL: um JAY: are you fucking kidding me right now

oh my world is full of mystery why do i get out of bed every day, that’s a mystery

why yes i am a man of culture

this is america

at WORST i should be in your first 80k follows nobody does laying-on-the-floor content like this account i am certified top 80k material friendo

did you know you can peanut butter in your ice cream it’s not illegal you’re just allowed to do that

this is disgusting and also i too will now be doing this

“we’re launching find friends!” oof talk about a soft launch that’s a dick joke it’s the end of the year i’m doing dick jokes now

"pervert" is just an incredibly satisfying thing to call someone YO THE LIGHT'S GREEN PERVERT

2026 is gonna be my year

“linus and lucy” from the charlie brown christmas soundtrack has been playing in my head on repeat for two days straight (positive)

well, here they are, the people i've annoyed the most this year

i'm sorry i had a vision