each day that goes by where i don’t slap someone while screaming “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ARE YOU COMPLETELY DERANGED?!” is a personal win

Let the light in

Reaching out

you don’t repeal science what he’s doing is lying

sleeping dragon

if the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie you may be entitled to compensation

paganini's whiskey

i put my words out there for anyone to see and woo boy let me tell you i should not

It was a good day (saw ravens irl)

Tethys - From Gordan Ugarković (ugordan.bsky.social) - https://flic.kr/p/2bxuC3

finally embracing ai* *holding it to my chest as i jump into an active volcano

Trees on the margin have little commercial value but all of the duende

[handcuffed] officer, the Dow is at the highest it’s ever been!!!

[Olympic tryouts] “Your event?” “Downhill.” “Skiing?” “No. Just going downhill.” “Huh?” “Here’s my resume and a picture of me in college.”

I went to clear the snow from my son’s car and I took his drivers wiper clear off, so if you’re looking for a helper, I’m available.

hey there. you. yeah, you. let me come over to your house and judge your junk drawer

Bees 🐝

been watching the olympics and i think i found a solution to the male loneliness crisis

A valentines day card that reads "sorry I went on your profile and liked all your posts"

im tired, boss

I'm not stoked that institutions in the western world seem poised to wait out this inexorable crawl towards ever crueler and more senselessly wicked barbarism

a corn dog gives birth to a bunch of baby corn dogs would you eat them and how quickly

the external vs the internal

somehow both an apex predator and a stinky baby

no! i am not prince hamlet, nor was meant to be. what a weird thing to say.

baking a king cake but instead of a plastic baby inside it’s my index finger

i can post worse if you give me a chance

Sorry I confessed to all those murders when I came

The Winter Olympics seem pretty easy. Get down that hill? Done

is it be dead, it’s be dead isn’t it

socrates: the unexamined life is not worth living me, examining life: well this sucks

I think you're qualified to be a rusalka: a woman who lives in a lake who lures men in to drown them in a watery grave

Fonzie was really into marine biology. he actually had a favorite eel, the morayyyyyyyy

Everybody stop what you're doing and look at this cat I'm sitting

kitten

A luge for flying downstairs out through the front door and into another dimension.

I think we should each be allowed to choose one detachable body part.

my grandmother died in 1992 so i have no idea if i’ve continued to get more handsome since then

Midnight on the downbeat.

One thing curling has taught me is it doesn't matter what country you're from, the louder you shout the more Scottish you sound

thank you for contacting the abyss. your scream is very important to us.

I followed someone, please clap.

i love reading court documents

Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground

You can't get inside a television anymore since ratings for the third dimension went sideways but we'll always remember how the dotted lines behind Three's Company represented when we should laugh

i'm not doomscrolling i'm scrollmaxxing

i’m the type of girl who shows up with hard boiled eggs in my pockets but you don’t wanna hear that