i hate when people on here get us drawn into a story about their lives and then just drop it and leave us hanging like bro whatever happened to the baby deer in your yard?!

if see an ad or a commercial i will die

Snippets from some San Francisco nights. 📸: San Francisco, California

an ice cream truck only instead of ice cream it’s martinis

Every summer I repost this article on how to spot drowning. Please read it and pass on. In the last few years I’ve had SIX messages from people who saved a kid’s life after clicking on the link from my feed. slate.com/technology/2...

have you tried not being a massive tool douchebag about it

you could be on bsky arguing about bsky or you could be kissing your dog’s soft little head and eating a cookie

in life be big be bold like walton goggin’s teeth

i’m sorry i have to punish you all day bc of what you did in my dream last night but those are the rules

it’s a hazy memory but i’m almost certain there was a time when being asked to go somewhere on a saturday night didn’t feel like a threat

Not now, robots built from frog cells that have unlocked the ability to self-replicate

“be at this address on this date. come alone (no +1). leave a gift at the back of the church, Sit and wait for further instruction. talk to NO ONE (🤫)”

Today’s band name: The Sexy Glamazons

Bram Stouffer's Lasagna

thinking of becoming one of those abandoned castles in the middle of the forest that nature has reclaimed

sending out wedding invitations that look like ransom notes

I can't remember why I made this

“i won’t apologize for being a sexy glamazon” i seductively say as i slip on my crocs

them: how’re you doing? me:

I’m hanging in there despite the fact that I’ve had the song from Wii playing in my head for the last 20 years

A Tabor evening. It’s always been a solid escape people watching and strolling around this extinct volcanic cinder cone in the middle of the city. 📸: Mt. Tabor Park - Portland, Oregon

Vaccines aren’t controversial. You’re just a fucking idiot.

I missed snapping the little dork when it was on the porch, but I look up and shenanigans. Apologies for the shaky cam, I may have been laughing.

Hi, it's your neighborhood grocery store. We rearranged everything again for no reason so you won't be able to find basic items for a few months. Anyway, take care.

the next password i’m asked to create is going to be a spell so watch out interwebz things are about to get freaky

Do you have 33 seconds? I think you have 33 seconds for bee content.

since I’ve been feeding them for a little over a year now, i sent out customer service surveys to the neighborhood crows and the general consensus is “thank you for the food, do not send another survey ever”

My card

Ancient proverb says "he who has cats and a 50-yr old bladder has no need for alarm clock"

Turning up the music because I'm cold

you can’t butter me up there are not enough cows

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the stupidest fucking days of our lives.

a book about a finance guy named ira roth somebody write that down

the first layer of butter on toast or bagel is just the primer. you gotta let that melt into the foundation before applying the real layer of butter.

I hope the goth girl in my high school sex ed class who grabbed the banana during the condom demonstration and slowly squished it while making eye contact with our teacher is doing okay

everyone has one key on their keychain they can't identify. you don't need that key yet but it will unlock your coffin.

eating another whole roasted chicken and jamming the bones under the seat of the car

I go out in this world most days and I've never seen a dog eat another dog. I dunno man, feels like scaremongreling to me

a flock of bluesky users is called a cringe

catatonic

I can't do much to help, but I will absolutely hate someone on your behalf.

Ever since they opened the Chili’s™️ in Roku City the food scene has really suffered in the neighborhood

When I was 13 I wore a ton of No Fear shirts, but you know what? I had an abundance of fear

have you tried moping out on the moors about it

(At the Pharmacy) i would like 15 drugs please

Not everywhere sucks.

Why do my dogs look like they belong to old money and spend weekends at the lake retrieving mallards.

him: your lips are so full and inviting me: thx i was attacked by wasps

I want the heart eyes 😍 and star eyes 🤩 emojis but for ears