I put on Crossroads and I’m a little surprised the kid is still watching. He usually leaves the room 15-20 minutes into a movie

I made a big Greek pizza on sourdough crust for dinner tonight. The base is the Greek potato dip called skordalia, then mozzarella cheese, artichoke hearts, roasted red pepper, Greek olives, and feta cheese on top. It smells incredible. Yum!

It's me. I'm the internet

Looks around at the state of things, all this things: Did I shave my pikachu for this?

Naan bread pizza to refresh the timeline

My controversial dating take is that women are people and worthy of respect.

I'm with ya theonion.com/report-ameri...

*Eeyore voice get it on…bang a gong (lightly taps gong) get it on

Life was simpler when we were all addicted to FarmVille that one year

calculating my age by number of pops I hear from my joints when I sit down on the sofa

I know, I’m bad at replying, I don’t know how to type, whats the internet?

Calculating my age by cutting a limb off and counting the rings

calculating my age by number of seconds it takes me to get up from a crouching position

9 oreos

i just want you to be happy, bc that’s what you deserve

Dipping chocolate chip cookies into chocolate milk. The club can’t even handle me right now

When in doubt, pinky out

knowing your self-worth is hot

There is a lot of potential spam locked inside all of us.

they say everyone has a doppelgänger out in the world somewhere so this post is for mine: GIRL YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR HAIR

Les Habitants les Canadiennes de Montreal or some shit

calculating my age by number of body position pillows I need to be comfortable

fellas, not many guys know this but being kind makes you more handsome.

If you supply me with dopamine, I’m gonna need you to kick it up a notch. Thanks.

My internet’s down. Gonna go buy it some chocolate to cheer it up.

But, I dont want to play the sane one today.

Who’s ready for some hot hockey action, no one? Well too bad

at least we’ve still got Shrek

vengeance shall be mine. …once I get around to it

Sunset Sept 2021 from my 11th floor apartment.

this guy

“still punk” i whisper as i throw back my 3rd shot of non-alcoholic gin

can i get a witness? -a bsky memoir

if i was a bodega cat i’d ignore you too

Crescent moon setting over Illahee Tuesday night.

Good morning! Did you catch that sunrise refraction near Mount Hood? Things you see when you aren't stuck in a multi-ton metal box. 🥰☀️🌈 #BikesAreBetter

the clouds took my sunshine but they can never take my bed

good shitposting is all about your state of mind (unwell)

Doc Martens implies the existence of patient Martens

overdid it at training this morning and it started raining, so imma snuggle down and rot in bed about it

her: maybe i should join a dating app me: maybe i should seek out an eternal witch in the darkest parts of the forest to turn me into sea foam 🫧

threat level: pinto

✅caught up on notifs ✅resisted all rage bait ✅submitted for Bad Joke Friday ✅posted my Thirsty Thursday joke i deserve a nap

her: maybe i should join a dating app me: have you tried eating a hotdog at Costco? Happy Thirsty Thursday to all who participate!

Hibiscus flower mug. Hand-built. Stoneware. One of a kind. Just listed. Surly.etsy.com

I blame most of our problems on the teachings of Michael Jackson, especially his self-defeating insistence on our never stopping until we’ve achieved total fulfillment