I never outgrew the “GET IN MAH BELLEH” line. I just say it to myself

I am an agent of mild inconvenience

we are all HAMBURGLAR

Shhhh! My bitchface keeps people from thinking I'm actually nice.

Does anyone remember how Stella got her groove back? Asking for a friend.

Oh heck yeah

you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but you can teach a Snoop Dogg how to pimp a new product

kids these days don’t even know how to joust

at the lake with bread like

where’s @alldolledup44.bsky.social it’s not even Thursday without you.

I thought I could control my emotions, but then she posted her Wordle score…and the passion just overcame me.

I've run the numbers and if my calculations are correct I've got about 157 more jokes in me before I disappear into the ether

Sunset before the rain

Handbuilt stoneware 8 inch blackbirds in flight plate. In my etsy shop. Surly.etsy.com

Let’s see if this brings back my appetite:

TGIF (thank god i farted)

It's like you've turned into a watery chocolate drink. I don't know Yoo-hoo are anymore.

Yum Pizza Cheese tomato and whatever else on bread, classic!

I think I’m being catfished for my empire of dirt

Thursday pizza day, mushroom and garlic. Was gifted some semolina flour, so I tried it half and half with bread flour. Pretty decent. #whatscooking #pizza #pizzasky #foodsky

Key trends of Prom Season 2026 include hooded tuxedos, embellished gowns and unaddressed, emotional angst.

Make the long story short. I only have a half a cup of coffee

two shout-outs in the company huddle but no mention of my posts??

Good afternoon to my second chin. You're not my favorite, but you help hold my face together, and that's not nothing.

I appreciate your low expectations of me

The rhythm. It's right behind me, isn't it?

My neighbor rebarked his front yard. Why you gotta make the rest of us look bad, Fred.

It’s the one time of year I buy Minskys and it’s always an absolute delight!

I ate quinoa and beans and apples every single day and I still grew old and died

Had one flatbread and a handful of olives left from our trip so... Topped the flatbread with a mix of olive oil and tomato puree, added fried onions, bashed fennel seeds, oregano, flaked mackerel, halved olives, and a sprinkle of cheese. Air fryer oven thingy for five minutes. Delish! 😋🍜🍽️

Morning Kitten

[ food ] Trying a few slices of Magic John’s NY+Deepdish pizzas in Berlin, to takeout to a nearby park and enjoy in the late day sunshine. Pretty tasty, worth the wait in line.

the pizza in the fridge… it calls to me…

Pizza night 😃🍕

all jokes are serious

I’m so wet* right now *crying because life is hard

when it’s so HARD…to care.

Why is nobody talking about the new KLIPY collection of gifs?! so good!

when I say I’m burning incense

Bless your heart

Moaning is not always a good thing. Sometimes it just means you're old and in pain. Pass the muscle relaxers.

idk i only counted 5 Maniacs

Wow, this is just like the Stone Age. But instead of stone, it's shit.

This concept of being alive everyday is really tiring, you guys.

The world is my oyster and I'm allergic to seafood.

Blessing the house with those good luck cabbage farts

Have you considered “no” Follow me for more divine guidance

Bikini season is just around the corner. Unfortunately, so is Chipotle.

my mood in 7 seconds:

I don't know which devious world leader is lying more during this China summit. It's a case of he said, Xi said.