Annoyance ticketing in Germany is SO close to being perfect. Very few traffic stops. Cameras click your picture and send you a nominal penalty. If they'd just let me setup a payment account and have the letter be a notification and not something I have receive, process, return to avoid problems.

I wouldn't trust it, but I still crave a labeller that lets me know the mortality status of any celebrity mentioned in a post.

I don't think bsky has any idea how many of us 'normies' that are ready to bolt the second there's an option that excludes their moderation and censorship completely. I have zero faith in their judgment. It only takes ONE vindictive blocking to invalidate years of trust building.

I was feeling all glowy that MY flight is going to Sacramento, which is too tiny to warrant being fucked with by Trump. Then I double checked and realized I connect through SFO. \;(

I have sprained the middle finger on my dominant hand, and that should have a cool story attached, but I have no idea how I did it.

I'm no statistics goof, but I'd bet the odds are pretty good most of the insects you see while on vacation are species you've never seen before.

Cuomo wandering around from town to town asking for power is more entertaining than I thought it would be. The Incredible Sulk.

7 Unexplained Goals you should add for new year- 1) Review Trauma First Aid 2) Prepare a GO bag 3) Put $1000 cash in bag 4) Arrange a scoot buddy in another city 5) Setup a secure email service 6) Setup a wifi only device with unconnected messaging (ie delta chat) 7) tell everyone it's just a goof!

Drop out, Meme in.

Prediction: trump is going to fuck around with NY so much in the next 54 days before new Mayor is sworn in that Zohran is going to become the Democratic kingmaker.

It’s Satacorday!

Make a Thelma and Louise sequel, you cowards.

Shrek probably voted for Trump. Just saying

Nailed it!

Look, it's not that I want to save gallon jugs of urine, I'm just saying there's some definite efficiency gains possible.

VPN with one port open Wrapping your ip tight Exit light Enter night Take my hand We're off to different timezone lans.

Did anyone just recommend a cold compress to Sauron, maybe some antibiotics?

Slightly stale tortilla chips are inherently healthier, as they slow down your rate of consumption while still engaging the same theta wave as a more conventionally delicious snack, I explain to the driver.

Everyone should use a VPN, and never let your fucking computer check your bluetooth to pinpoint your vacation. Make the fuckers 'pROvE yOur HUmAn' all of us, every day.

friends don't let friends 'let this sink in'.

1st meeting with pre-paid funeral parlor: So, which of these caskets can you load a spring snake into?

Perfect. No notes. By which I mean, I wasn't really paying attention.

Never cheered on a snowplow before

Jesus, can one goddamn aging white celebrity go gracefully into unfuckable. Please.

Name a drink you've never tried, but you know it's a drink. I'll start. Hot Toddy

Going into the warship business, starting with my first disruptive invention the drone carrier, or as some people refer to them, any fucking thing that floats.

ok, so for no reason, since it's years old news, really mourning the death of a senior television personality today, and it's making me really reflect how little attention to it I paid when my parents lost their idols. Like holy shit, you can really get attached to people you never met. It sucks.

Ok, you laugh at the new Whitehouse decor, but the table guac is pretty good, and you can finally order a cadillac margarita during press briefings.

Goddamn it. If they'd told me all the cool future stuff would spy for elon musk and facebook, I would have focused more on natural living.

Ok, so we've got a solid 30 years of making fun of assholes on the internet, and... let me check... ok, divide by pi, carry the 2, power of i. hmm, yep, more dicks than ever. Maybe we need a new plan.

Peaked ahead at the remaining Archer seasons, and I think I will stop before the Jessica Walters salute season. *sigh

It's that time again.

There's still time to be the hero, Costco!

we never pick who I want. they never do what I suggest. if I give them money, they tell a bunch of people I don't know to ask for more fuck that, I will vote on election day, and leave me the fuck alone until then

America is represented by two political parties, and by courting the affection and/or wrath of average Americans, balance is maintained and progress is assured!

Stancil said what? Not cool. What the fuck is a Stancil?

ok, but seriously, if I WAS a space worm bent on conquering Earth, I'd totally zombify a Kennedy.

Sandwich guy is now able to hurl sandwiches at anyone at anytime. Because that's how the law works!

i only understand about 32% of what the fuck everyone is talknig about on my timeline and I think that's beautiful

It's like they've assembled this team specifically to elicit an SNL response.

It's been like decades since a sped up or slowed down band was marketed as cute animals cutting records. We deserve this to resume.

that would have killed with jr. high kids *sigh*

hell yeah

ok, seriously, I'm not getting through 6 more Archer seasons before Nov 20. Is there somewhere else it will still be streaming? Even netflix, man, got that vpmagic.

If you're flying, well, get that travel insurance, I'd say. Make sure it covers things like extended periods being stuck in the wrong city because of delays.

conducted a scientific study that concluded cats get softer when you pet them

They’ll probably banh mi for saying this, but none of us can sub our own wishes for the rule of law. It may be possible for other countries - the French dip in & out of this sort of thing, but we’re in an exclusive club here. & the media circus - the questions & photos, it’s like grilled, cheese.

Bolillo resistant vests.