For all you guys out there that feel like you're entitled or emboldened to slide into a woman's DMs and be creepy or disgusting just to shoot your shot: go fuck yourselves. Put it back in your pants, and crawl back to the sad little corners of the internet you came from.

Hey everybody... @deviwestside.bsky.social is incredibly amazing. And don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Ask me anything. It can even be personal. Who tf cares? Go for it.

Time to spill my guts on Bluesky, because I'm hopelessly in love and I am tipsy af. Take whatever you want from that. Y'all know what's up anyways 😊

14yo: *doing algebra homework* So if I plug this number in for the slope, it gives me 'x.' Me: *to myself* Don't say it, and don't sing it 14yo:...and so all that's left is- Me: (singing a la Backstreet Boys) 🎶TELL ME 'Y'...🎶

Expert: You'll want to wait an hour after you wake up before you start drinking coffee to let your adenosine receptors free up and maximize the effect of caffeine Me: *sipping on a Ghost right after I wake up* interesting, tell me more...

Waking up early enough to see the sunrise... it's probably something that will only ever be runner-up to waking next to you

I am in a profoundly upbeat mood right now. If you need good vibes, I have plenty to share 🤗

Just a friendly reminder that I

10yo: Take a breath and hold it for a million light-years. Me: Uh, a light-year is a unit of distance, not time. 10yo: Do it anyways.

Gridlock! On a Tuesday

Thought I was experiencing the rapture, but really it was all the maladaptive daydreaming and energy drinks

When you wake up and find your demons are still hungover, this is a sign to get as much done as quickly as possible... you know, before they start asking you for breakfast

My commute this morning was a loosely-based re-enactment of every Fast and Furious movie and I hate it. At least find a better actor to portray me.

Flirting! In The Comments

Who said Monday nights couldn't be fun? I'll show them *stumbles into the next room, singing Creed at the top of my lungs*

Subtly downgrade a band: Pennyback

With the number of things I've fallen for you about, I could write a novel

Most likely to post something wholesome, innocuous and mildly funny. Im like Bluesky's version of an elementary school lunch.

Skeet is a contraction of skrrrt and yeet.

It's Monday ❗️ Post some metal! 🤘🎸 open.spotify.com/track/2XSnzd...

Ok maybe I was a little bit 🤏 overdramatic earlier. We're good, everything's cool, right? The vibe police aren't like, giving out tickets or anything?

Neverending Monday today.... running right into an early Tuesday. Tell me it's gonna be okay.

Pretty sure the first day of fall is everyone from OSHA's nightmare

Ok, tell me one thing that queso does not immediately enhance

Eating rotisserie chicken over the sink just to feel something

It's OK, Im not frazzled, I'm delightfully energetic with a hint of "touch me and I'll shiv something"

The chickens that live in my woods have begun propagating, and now we should all be worried about another Jurassic Park situation.

Already throwing in the towel for the day. Can't proceed. Must to bed and back to sleep.

I can't think of anything witty right now, so please enjoy this picture of a cartoon duck cursing, while I go to sleep.

Late-night cheeseposting to prevent too much early-morning shitposting

I may be tipsy just a smidge 🤏 if you ask me a question, I'll probably answer you with one. Have fun

Like, of course, I will jump into a Spotify Jam with you. Any time 🤗

I'm feeling energized right now and I gotta just say this is a dopmine rush I've been missing like crazy!

It's autumn so I'm gonna be that guy and post this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gttv...

If I don't get my laundry done it'll crawl out of the washer and strangle me. Or so I've been told.

Sunday selfie before venturing out into the thunderstorms. If I take an after photo, I'm gonna be soaked.

Looking at my work and really wondering if I should spend my Sunday dealing with it or I should serial skeet here instead

I really have no good choice other than to stick with optimism and hope. I'm really in a good place now, and I couldn't have done it without some key people in my life. Iykyk.

Skircle time! Thrilled that you beautiful humans share this space w/me! 🫶😊Inner circle: @deviwestside.bsky.social @scalawagjack.bsky.social @gimmethekspecial.bsky.social @willcrashout.bsky.social @runswindows95.bsky.social @raindro.bsky.social @badthoughthaver.bsky.social @alldolledup44.bsky.social

I feel called out by this GIF

Remember that time I thought I was funny? Hoo boy, glad that's over.

Nobody wants to rock a rhyme thats right on time anymore, and that's just sad.

Things overheard in conversation with the youngest tonight: "I'm almost 5" (he's three and a half) "I like Subarus, you should buy us one" (after hearing his mother complain to me about the minivan) "Can the show be over now?" (30 minutes before it starts)

Something about a fall day that just energizes and motivates me to get things done

Grocery shopping while hungry and with an empty SUV... my bank account is gonna start hissing at me

Laid back Saturday tunes... music.youtube.com/watch?v=doti...

Yep, totally my first thought. Like clockwork. I could get used to this 😊

FML. Still up because my mind won't shut up.